Twenty-Eight Something

Another Round Up of Thoughts and Feelings.

2010-10-19T12:00:00.000-04:00

Best headline ever.
As messed up as Orrin can be, he can be remarkably acute and badass when he wants to be.
Having driven in Boston, New York City, DC, and Durham with enough regularity to be well-versed in all four, yes, it is. Definitely.
Just when I discovered it for myself. Boo.
Concord! I didn't even read the article.
Seriously, people, give Cougar Town a chance. The creator himself recognizes that the original conceit (and title) wasn't great, but it's a whole different beast now.
The only reason I need to move to Philadelphia forever.
Hahahahahahaha. I know this is serious, but still.
I wholeheartedly agree. The two party system sucks. That's all there is to it.
Soda.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 10.

2010-10-18T12:00:00.000-04:00

And now for the finale of this little ten part ~~exercise in laziness~~ series of videos, I bring you a link TO a set of videos. It's no secret that I heart James Franco and all of his weirdness. And now, he and his brother have gone a step further and allowed us to follow them for a bit. What transpires is a genuine interaction of (famous) siblings, who seem like fairly well-grounded folk. Take a gander at the earnest fun.

Thanks to Best Week Ever for the tip.

To make it even better, my new obsession -- Aaron Tveit -- is going to be JF's bf in the new movie Howl. Woot!

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 9.

2010-10-17T12:00:00.000-04:00

TWIST!

Sort of. I'm still just posting videos for now, but this time, I'm going to post more than one, and they are going to have a common theme: Sesame Street!

God. Memories. It was clips like this that made me the man I am today. I credit Sesame Street with, like, stuff.

Now, more importantly:

COLIN FARRELL ON SESAME STREET!!!

If I may be a bit political for a second -- as much as I love Colin and think he's a beast, it makes no sense that his decidedly adult private life is considered okay but Katy Perry couldn't show a little cleave.
Sexist? Absolutely.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 8.

2010-10-16T12:00:00.000-04:00

Kevin Arnold gets scooped by Zach Morris. Oh pop culture bliss. In other news, I feel like Fred Savage is due for an NPH-like comeback, yes? Can we make that happen?

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 7.

2010-10-15T12:00:00.000-04:00

Every frickin' time. OK GO makes the best music videos. I don't usually post them, but this has cute doggies! And if there is anything unifying about this blog, it's the posting of ubercuteness.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 6.

2010-10-14T12:00:00.001-04:00

This mash-up rivals DJ Earworm, if not surpasses his stuff. It might be because of the inclusion of Survivor. I don't know. But it's kind of amazing.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 5.

2010-10-13T12:00:00.010-04:00

So, I found this video at Best Week Ever, and it titled its post "This Video Is Literally Called 'Baby Porcupine Eats a Banana and Has Hiccups'". I'm pretty sure the intent is to suggest that this is somehow as cute as a puppy and a baby.

It's not. And I'm going to break ranks, as The Atlantic would say, and say it's not cute. It's creepy. I think it looks like a mutant human (WITH HANDS) eating a banana. YES A MUTANT HUMAN. Screw you biologists, that's not a cute rodent at all.

We Interrupt This Series of Videos...

2010-10-13T09:47:00.001-04:00

...for another video (sort of).

But this is a good reason: The second season of Justified, one of the single best shows on TV, finally has a premiere date. It's coming back February 2011. Set your Google Calendar reminders now folks!

"A little too old to be fightin', aren't ya?"

"I'm certainly too old to be losing."

*bliss*

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 4.

2010-10-12T12:00:00.004-04:00

My growing crush on JGL just took another step forward. Dude is on a roll with (500) Days of Summer and Inception. Make another movie with Zooey!!!

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 3.

2010-10-11T12:00:00.000-04:00

This vid has already gone viral, but I don't care. It makes me smile like the puppy/baby vid and the parallel parking vid. So I'm posting it again, ready for Wave Two of viraldom -- thanks to me!

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 2.

2010-10-10T12:00:00.002-04:00

Parallel Parking from Yum Yum London on Vimeo.

Dear M. Night,

Remember when your twist endings were as good as this one? That was a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time ago.

-A.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 1.

2010-10-09T12:00:00.001-04:00

To be fair. This is f***ing cute as all hell. Puppies and babies! It's a veritable confluence of all the sweetness in the world in one flash video.

30 Days.

2010-10-05T11:43:00.000-04:00

Dear Comcast,

Really? It takes you 30 days to put my name on your internal Do Not Call list?

I recently moved to a new apartment and switched cable providers because it was cheaper. Since then, Comcast has called me every day to attempt to get me back as a customer. Advice #1: That's effing annoying. If you want me back as a customer, lower my rates, and stop messing with my DVR programming.

Finally, today, Comcast switched the incoming phone number it was using to call me so that I'd actually pick up the phone after ignoring them. The service representative just started talking and was about to transfer me to a salesperson without asking me if I wanted to proceed, let alone why I bothered switching in the first place. Advice #2: That's effing disrespectful.

I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. Anyway, I requested that they not call me anymore. That's when I was told that it can take up to 30 days for that to be entered in the system. WTF? You can unsubscribe from spam with a click. The US Post Office can make the switch in 2-3 days. Hell, even print magazines like Entertainment Weekly take at most a week to make changes like that. But the purveyors of xfinity takes 30 days to stop calling an ex-customer? FOUL. Go back to HBS and learn how to stop pissing off your customers.

Love,

-Me.

Reason 6,342,778 That Dunkin Donuts Is Superior To Starbucks.

2010-09-29T15:25:00.001-04:00

Dunkin Donuts is participating in National Coffee Day today. Starbucks isn't.

Proof That DC Is Not A Food Mecca.

2010-09-16T10:43:00.000-04:00

Don't read any further if you haven't watched the season finale of Top Chef: DC.

Seriously.

I'm spoiling this sucker.

---

I used to live in New York, and when I moved, I couldn't be happier. I just am not a NYC person, no matter what I like to think about myself. DC is much more my speed. That being said, one thing that I have never been cool with is the crappy food in DC. Don't get me wrong, it's okay, especially if you're willing to pay your soul (which, this being DC, is already in short supply), but for a city as cosmopolitan and international as this, the food sucks. And it especially hurts knowing how good New York food is.

So when Top Chef decided to film here, I was all like, snuh? Wuh wuh? Hooey.

But I like the show. I loved this season how cocky Angelo was, and how deluded Kenny was. And I loved Tiffany. I mean, with stars in my eyes did I love her.

And then she got booted off for one off-day.

And now I find out that Kevin won.

Boo. Hiss.

With standards like this, DC will never be a food haven. Ever.

Tiffany come back!

God Bless Southwest.

2010-09-15T11:43:00.001-04:00

About a month ago, I flew up to Providence, Rhode Island at the last minute from BWI Airport. It's a bit of a stressful trip because getting to BWI from Washington, DC is a bitch. On the flight back, I made the unforgivable mistake of leaving my iPod Touch in the back seat pocket of the plane. I thought for sure that I was never going to see it again. But I went through the motions (never give up!) and made a request to Southwest's lost-and-found.

Cut to a few days ago. I receive a call from Southwest saying they found my iPod (with the headphones I had had!) and that they were FedExing it to me right away.

Consider me dumbfounded. If ever there is some decency in the world, Southwest is a part of it.

In Case Danny and Annie Wasn't Cute Enough For You.

2010-09-02T21:29:00.001-04:00

Marcel the Shell is here to cute-ify it all. Oh laws yes.

MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Take a Break and Watch This.

2010-08-31T21:20:00.001-04:00

This video has been making the internet rounds, so you might have already encountered it. If not, then stop everything, and prepare for a lump in your throat to arrive toute suite. This is the story of Danny and Annie. Apparently, this group called StoryCorps takes real peoples' real stories and animates them for posterity. You can't make this shiz up:

Danny and Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

Emptying Out My Mind.

2010-08-29T20:27:00.000-04:00

Blessed be whoever decided to release Mockingjay on Kindle at the same time as the regular hardcover release. You are a colon among appendices.
Why is Justin Long a star?
Why is Jay Baruchel?
I get Malin Ackerman and Emma Stone mixed up. Somehow, I feel that that's not really a big deal.
I am totally Team Valerie on Project Runway.
I am totally Team Tiffany on Top Chef.
Forgive me, but my current pop culture obsession is My Boys.
I totally took his class! I don't know what to believe anymore!
So shameful. On multiple levels.
Liberal elite media is funny.

Recently There Have Been A Slew Of Cute Animal Videos.

2010-08-23T22:06:00.000-04:00

Observe:

PENGUINS!

OTTERS!

CORGIS!

I'm keeling over amidst all the cuteness. For reelz.

Fall Movies 2010

2010-08-18T19:33:00.002-04:00

The latest EW has the Fall Movie Preview for 2010. Whoopee! I love reading about the movies that I won't have time to see in the theaters and then watch on Netflix a year after everyone else has seen it. Sigh. Maybe, just maybe, this time will be different. Upwards and onwards, I can always hope.

September:

Never Let Me Go. Kazuo Ishiguro's Remains of the Day is one of my favorite novels of all time. I read When We Were Orphans (I think?) and I can't remember a damn thing about it. So, yeah, as much as I loved ROTD, I'm not a huge Ishiguro fan. Despite that, I've been hearing amazing things about the book for NLMG (including the spoiler twist, sadly), and the cast looks amazing. Say what you will, I like Keira Knightley (girl needs to eat some burgers or five though), and Andrew Garfield (the new Spider-Man) was one of the few good things about The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (Colin!). So I'm looking forward to this little filmy a bit, yessiree.
Easy A. The trailer was awesome. (Then again, the trailer for Pearl Harbor was, too.)
Buried. I like gimmicky B-movies, and nothing screams that more than this one with Ryan Reynolds stuck in a coffin. It's a tall order to call it Hitchcockian (at least, insofar as the movie posters are concerned), but maybe it'll be good, in a Phone Booth / Rope kind of way?
Devil. I told you, I like gimmicky B-movies.

October:

Hereafter. This is my obligatory I hear Matt Damon movie!
RED. Come on. Cocoon with guns! You can just imagine that that was the pitch, too. But, man, I'm totally sold.

[Editor's note: Wow, October is looking wee---hhheeeeak this year.]

November:

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I. It's sad that this is almost the end of the series. At the same time, I'm not one of those people that want to drag it out as long as possible. As much as I like the movies, I love the books way more. It saddened me when I learned that they were splitting the final book into two. Yes, it's a huge tome, but at the end of the day, the quality of movie adaptations generally increases the less bound to the original the film is. The best movies of the serious (Azkaban, Phoenix) heavily edited their sources. I worry that in an effort to capitalize on one of the last guaranteed moneymakers in Hollywood that the filmmakers will end on the same Christopher Columbus rote-note they began on.
Morning Glory. Rachel McAdams needs to be in more movies.
127 Hours. I went to law school with Aron Ralston's sister.
Burlesque. Christina Aguilera. Cher. Singing. Dancing. Kristen Bell (finally in a post-Veronica Mars role that doesn't make me want to punch her in the face). Cam Gigandet. Shirtless. How can I not want to see the gayest movie this year?

December:

Black Swan. Ooh. I wonder if Darren Aronovsky thought he was going to make the gayest movie of the year when he started this movie about ballerinas and intrigue. Sucka.
TRON: Legacy. The original, which I heard is terrible, is on my Netflix queue. Still, I'm a huge nerd. So I want to see this.

Overall, I gotta say, I'm kinda underwhelmed by the Oscar season offerings this year. Bet the Academy is wishing it didn't expand the Best Picture field to 10 last year. Laws, yes (yeah, I just finished reading The Stand, and I don't know yet how I feel about the ending -- I like saying "laws, yes" though).

I Get It. I'm Old. Damn You, Beloit College!

2010-08-17T11:03:00.001-04:00

In case you haven't been a faithful reader of my blog for the past two-something odd years, I like linking to the Beloit College Mindset list. Here's where I commented on the Class of 2012 one, and here are my comments on the Class of 2013. Again, the idea behind this is to help professors understand the worldview of incoming freshmen. It matters, peeps, because like it or not, we do have a common cultural vocabulary (that is too often centered around pop culture, not that I'm complaining). Anyhoos, here's the list for the Class of 2014. And here's what, again, blows my ever-lovin' aging mind:

NOTE: These folks were born in 1992. Eff me.

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive. [I HATE YOU, WORLD.]

7. "Caramel macchiato" and "venti half-caf vanilla latte" have always been street corner lingo.

10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves "real" aliens from another planet. [REALLY?]

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

39. Pizza jockeys from Domino's have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely. [ROSS PEROT!!!]

Commenting on Life.

2010-08-17T07:05:00.000-04:00

1. Nighthawk's is already melancholy-ful. But this background fact kind of makes it even more so.

2. What idiot goes to college, majors in "Recreation and Leisure," and thinks they are going to be able to get a high-paying job? I pray that the example given of an Art major is what they were thinking of for this. But what else is there? Why not just say Art majors are going to grow up to be destitute? [Via Gawker.]

3. I haven't yet given up on Michael Cera. Especially when he can banter with the best of them:

SCHWARTZMAN: You know what I mean? It’s literally like, “Please be there, idea!” Not to be cheesy, but that is the real power of music, movies, art, or anything—it’s the hope that people will connect to it. And that’s what’s great about your success. You’ve made work that connects to millions of people. You have the rare ability to take something and turn it and flip it and make it into something great. It’s because you have an inquisitive mind and you are endlessly looking for something new. When I watch your work, I feel like I’m getting a philosophical mix tape of all the things that you’re interested in.

CERA: You just lost 80 percent of the people that were reading this article. They all just rolled their eyes and ripped up the page.

[Interview Magazine by way of Vulture.]

4. Despite what people say, I still think The Simpsons is pretty awesome. It's not as awesome as it once was, but it used to be SO awesome that its present-day awesomeness still registers on the awesome scale. To wit, some nerd found this and remembered that Lisa Simpson almost got married recently.

5. Yes, it is. For exactly the reasons stated therein. The counterarguments is rationalization wrapped up in a post-PC red herring cloak. Deal with it, Hollywood, you still treat Asians as a "forgotten" race. (I still love you though!)

Lazy Lazy Lazy.

2010-08-15T06:49:00.000-04:00

Here are a couple more videos worth watching.

First, Muppets, OK GO, and Ira Glass, together for the first time:

Second, please tell me I'm not the only one old enough to remember this video.

Third, I kind of have an irrational hatred for Dora the Explorer. It has to do with her name sort of, but not really, rhyming. It just creeps me out. So, while some people thought this clip was "horrifying," I kind of stood up and cheered. Fist pump!

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Finally, forgive me, but I thought this was frickin' hilarious, and I don't always say that about Funny Or Die:

Puppet High - watch more funny videos

Mankind and Southwest Don't Fail Me Now.

2010-08-11T14:08:00.001-04:00

I recently flew on Southwest and accidentally left my iPod Touch in a seatback pocket of the plane. I've since contacted Southwest in hopes of retrieving it. I will keep you posted.

Getting Older.

2010-07-12T08:12:00.002-04:00

Last night, at my local Sweet Green, I got some frozen yogurt. When I was deciding what toppings to have, the cashiers told me that mango was particularly popular that night. Then they starting just chatting a bit between themselves while I considered my options a bit more. One of them mentioned that mango made her think of Saturday Night Live, and the other looked puzzled. Here's what happened next:

Cashier #1 [to Cashier #2]: You know, Chris Kattan?

Cashier #2: Huh?

Cashier #1: Oh, you're too young to know what I'm talking about.

Cashier #2 walks away in that Yes-I-Am kind of way that young peeps do.

Cashier #1 [turning to me]: You know what I'm talking about, right?

WTF!?!?!?

Old News. That's an Oxymoron.

2010-07-11T19:02:00.003-04:00

It's well known around these parts that I have a hugely irrational fear of earthquakes. I still imagine that they involve the earth opening up, people falling in, and then it closing up again. And then came the news of the Guatemala Sinkhole. Shoot. I'm a little stunned that this could actually happen.

Dude, dolphins can use the iPad. I have to admit, Apple, that's cool.

I'm not entirely sure that Gaga is that influential. Not until you can actually write a treatise like this about one of her songs. Single Ladies is still the shiz.

American Idol is trying to fix itself in completely the wrong way.

Idiot.

This is the sort of statistic that makes me just hate those who think that legislating social norms is a good thing.

Posting Videos Is Lazy Blogging.

2010-07-10T17:36:00.000-04:00

I can't tell if this is cute or creepy:

This is amazing though. It's Alfred Hitchcock doing a "That's What She Said" joke:

The people at Pixar beget more brilliance:

I Hate the Emmys.

2010-07-08T23:25:00.003-04:00

I wasn't going to blog about this, but I had an email exchange with Reva and Adam (who know almost as much about pop culture as I do, heh), so I'm just going to copy and paste what I wrote to them about my thoughts on the Emmy nominations for this year:

I generally hate the Emmys. I've never understood how in ensemble shows, there's always one actor who gets snubbed. Courteney Cox was never nominated for Friends. Kristin Davis didn't get nominated for Sex and the City for 4 years. And now Ed O'Neill? If there's anything unifying about Modern Family, it's him. In other words, even when the Emmys get it right, they get it WRONG.

Matthew Morrison for Glee? Really? Is it because they love his white-boy rapping? (I also happen to hate Chris Colfer's portrayal on Glee. There's nothing nuanced about it, it's completely unlikeable, and I think it unnecessarily feeds into the fears of so many straight dudes.) But then, I really don't like Glee as show, so I'm biased. I totally am fine with the general love for it since I get that it's the politically cool choice this year.

I think the nominations for The Office represent everything that's wrong with the Emmys. The Emmys seem to vote purely on memory and it reeks of laziness. The Office was fine this year, but it was nowhere near as good as it has been and, more importantly, it's simply not as good as many other shows currently on the air. But it's like the Emmys don't want to admit that any show that they once liked might have gone downhill, so they keep nominating it until it goes off the air. See Tony Shalhoub as yet another example.

Boo. I also don't really watch the Emmys when they air (unless NPH is host) because what's the point? Give the awards to Kelsey Grammar, Tina Fey and/or Sarah Jessica Parker, Alison Janney, and Jeremy Piven, regardless of whether they were even on a show this year, and let us wait until the Golden Globes (shudder I can't believe I just typed that) where they are at least willing to consider that there are other shows on television worth watching.

Also, the fact that the episode "Modern Warfare" from Community didn't get nominated for anything is so beyond me, I wonder if the people who nominate things even own a television, let alone the internet.

Yes, I hate the Emmys. Hate. Them.

I know this is wishful thinking, but other than wishing that Cougar Town getting a nomination (or at the very least -- Busy Phillips), I wish that Justified had been nominated for something. Unbelievably well-written and awesomely acted.

Terrible Music.

2010-07-08T16:44:00.000-04:00

I need help. I find myself weakening to the power of the Biebs. Someone stop me before it's too late.

Look, I've never claimed to have good taste in music. I find it a source of pride that I bought Justin Timberlake's first solo album AND Nick Carter's solo album. At the same time, I know the difference between good and bad music. I just choose bad music.

But dear Lord, even I'm tested by some of the stuff out right now. Some, yeah, I can resist. Like, I don't own any Katy Perry stuff. I also don't own any Miley Cyrus twaddle (although I'm weakening to Party in the USA everyday). Yes, I own one Ke$ha song (Love Is My Drug). Shoot me.

So this mea culpa here has to do with the fact that: I don't have any Justin Bieber, but oh man, I'm ready to dl some lesbian tween diddies. Come on people! His crap is so friggin' catchy! And I might as well take advantage of his stuff before his voice changes. We all know that Hanson just isn't the same as it once was. (And I love me some Mmm Bop).

I needed to get that off my chest. But one thing you can all be safe and secure in knowing is this: Imma Be is just dung from Satan's backyard. Shame on you Black Eyed Peas. And shame on you world for supporting that song.

Doing My Part To Continue The Viral Vid Business.

2010-07-05T17:15:00.001-04:00

Kristin Chenoweth is cute as a button's button:

This is awesome because I'm human:

This is awesome because I'm a nerd:

Subway Is Apparently Uniquely American.

2010-06-24T20:18:00.001-04:00

Tonight for dinner, I was standing behind two French tourists at Subway. It occurred to me that Subway had got to be one of the most confusing fast food places for foreigners. Sure, it looks like a fast food joint, but nothing about it is intuitive. And if you didn't study your English vocab for wheat, oat, Italian, flatbread, pepperjack, provolone, cucumber, lettuce, etc. you're screwed.

Also, I don't think the tourists realized that they were supposed to pay for the drink fountain and the chips on display.

Phlegm. Flem. Boo.

2010-06-20T21:19:00.003-04:00

I know that the 8 of you that still read this thing have been wondering what happened to me. No, I haven't been stomping around any Land of Milk and Honey. Instead, I've been sick. Dealing with some weird mild-flu. I know it's not much, but here's some joy to tie you and me over:

Super Mario!!!

Asian people are so awesome.

I Take It Back.

2010-06-08T23:14:00.001-04:00

This is the EPICest.

Pwnt.

I've Been Delinquent With the Posting.

2010-06-07T22:53:00.003-04:00

This video is EPIC:

This video is EPICer:

This video is EPICerer:

And lastly, I would embed these vids, but the full post does better justice to the glory that is Paul Rudd dancing. It brings me joy.

Memories.

2010-05-31T18:32:00.003-04:00

Everyone keeps telling me I should change the title of my blog. People, people, that aint' happening. Mostly because I'm lazy. But also because there's no need to. I pointedly called it "____ SOMETHING" just like "twentysomething" and "thirtysomething" are non-words that people use as such. 28S was never about staying 28 forever (although, how sweet would that be), it was just a name I plucked out of thick airs and recorded on a blog that exists somewhere where I'm not. And it helpfully reminds me of how long I've been blogging on this, my public, non-controversial blog.

It's been 3 years people. 3 whole years. YIKES! That's right, I just turned... older last week. And in memoriam, can we just barf at the following?

First, I read Amelia Bedelia. None of that GooseBumps crap.

Second, remember that naked baby from the Nirvana album cover? He's all-growed up.

And third, the cast of Salute Your Shorts is also adultified.

Yuppies.

2010-05-31T18:19:00.001-04:00

I just drove by a dude wearing Crocs on a Vespa with Trader Joe's strapped to the back. Sweet.

It's Lee.

2010-05-27T00:31:00.002-04:00

Congrats, Lee! Yeah, I know, despite my bitching and moaning, I can't help but feel choked up watching someone's life literally change before their eyes. So what if Lee might reach Taylor Hicks levels of mediocrity? Taylor still made a shitton more money than you did last year. Who's laughing now?

I've always liked Lee. And I even noted him immediately after his audition in Chicago. Frankly, he's got the most commercial radio-voice -- moreso than Crystal. His concerts will probably suck, but that's okay because I never go to concerts anyway.

At the end of day, what really matters is that Kris Allen's haircut was ridiculously hot tonight. Ri. Di. Cu. Lous.

AI9: The Top 2... Which Means It's Almost Over!

2010-05-25T22:33:00.003-04:00

Crystal. Kicked. Lee's. Ass.

Last year, you know, when American Idol was good, I didn't care who won. I know, right? Weird that I wasn't obsessing over Kris to win. (In retrospect, thank God he won. With the amount of support Adam's been getting as the runner-up, I can only imagine that Kris would have been but an afterthought had Adam won.) Ultimately, it came down to the fact that even if Adam wasn't my preference (heh, get it?), I still recognized that he was an amazing singer and an undeniable star.

Year before that, I was an Archie fan, and was definitely disappointed that Cookie won, but I got over it (and proceeded to buy just as many Cookie singles -- actually MORE Cookie singles than Archie singles). Because at the end of the day, Cookie was a bril arranger with a cool voice.

This year, I like Lee... as a person. He's huggable. But dude cannot sing in tune. Lee has the arc -- the more compelling growth curve and story. He also fits the non-threatening white boy mold that has been so successful the past couple years (seriously -- would Fantasia have had a chance this season?). But consarnit, Crystal deserves this. If a girl can win SYTYCD, then it can absolutely happen on Idol.

Please let Crystal win this. It would be one of the few redeeming things about this ridiculously bad season of AI.

WTF.

2010-05-25T07:39:00.002-04:00

I hate the current Google beta.

I already have the Vampire Diaries' blessing to use Bing. Do you want me to actually prefer Bing now?

Potpourreeeeeee.

2010-05-19T09:47:00.001-04:00

1. Yes, it is.

2. I'm necessarily biased one way or another against political parties, but I am biased against stupidity. Really Republicans? You didn't think that maybe, just maybe, this was an obtainable seat?

3. Speaking of elephants, Kris Allen's new single is The Truth. I'm surprised because I thought that Alright With Me could have been a great summer single, with The Truth being a nice fall ballad. What do I know, though? I'm a lawyer.

4. City of Gonads. It's a real thing. I'm not being obscene, either.

5. Of all the people on this list, I actually would love to see Angelina step up.

6. As much as I think a name change sucks, I have met too many people who've totally turned off to Cougar Town based on the title of the show. And I'm totally serious, after the first 2 or 3 episodes, this show found its stride and is absolutely one of the funniest shows on TV. So yeah, C-Town? Cougar-de-Sac? Dan Byrd Is The New Michael Sera? Hmm... they all still sound dirty.

7. Um, I was one of those users. (Suck it, losers! When I joined it was called thefacebook!)

AI9: The Top 3 Make Me Believe It's Almost Over.

2010-05-18T21:13:00.002-04:00

Remember the good old days when they'd wheel out Clive Davis's desiccated body and he'd tell the pretty young things on stage to sing Whitney? I miss those days.

My favorite performance of the night was Crystal's Maybe I'm Amazed. Crystal doesn't have the most elastic voice. She's not a diva. She'll never be Kelly or Carrie. But she has the most amazing interpretive ear I'm heard on the show in quite some time, and she can translate that to her singing. It works for her. So what was great about tonight was that Ellen's song choice (yes Ellen!) got Crystal to find a middle ground that Lee's been coasting on since the beginning of the show. She let all the perfect imperfections of her limited voice come out on this huge song, and in so doing stayed true to herself and revealed a whole other side of her all at once. Amazing.

Frankly, I kinda liked Lee's Lynyrd Skynyrd song better than his Hallelujah. Here's why. Yes, I got bigger goosebumps from the latter. I recognized the song, and Lee harmonized on it something fierce. IF ONLY IT DIDN'T SEEM SO MANUFACTURED. Which is weird, right? But look. The strength of the song is the song itself. Hallelujah is a ridiculous song that makes almost anyone singing it sound good. Jason Castro legitimately sounded good on it, and Tim Urban managed to stay around a bit because of it. Of course Lee was going to sound good on it. And then he had the white light? And the back-up chorus? And the pimp spot? We get it. You want him to win, and yes, he deserves it, but no one likes having cake--no matter how good--shoved down your throats. This was an Idol Moment, sure, but a Manufactured Moment. Similar to Katherine McPhee's Over the Rainbow. Sadly, people will be talking about Lee's Hallelujah as if it were Kris's Heartless, Adam's Mad World, Carrie's Alone, Jordin's I Who Have Nothing, Fantasia's Summertime, etc.

Frankly, I don't think either Lee or Crystal had a True Moment all season.

What? There were three people who sang tonight? Oh Casey. Miserable, miserable Casey. How does it feel to be Syesha Mercado, Vonzell Solomon, and Jasmine Trias? No one cares about you at all. Not even in a "I can't Nikki McKibbin is still in this" kind of way. Go home. Vomit out that baby lamb you have stuck in your throat, defeather your hair, and cry some more tears into your pillow.

Apparently, They Keep Making These Things Called "Movies." And I Keep Watching Them. Or At Least Having Opinions About Them.

2010-05-17T10:58:00.000-04:00

1. Truth be told, Easy A the movie looks terrible. A teen Scarlet Letter? Isn't that, like, an oxy moron? Still, the teaser trailer for it might be one of the best teasers I've seen in a long, long time:

2. Is it okay if I admit that I didn't like The Dark Crystal? I adore the Muppets and Labyrinth, but come on peeps, rose-colored glasses much with TDC? So, "highly anticipated" sequel? Meh.

3. Oh Colin. I love you. Even if it took some people a long time to come around. I've always known you are an awesome actor. And I get the desire to broaden your horizons -- so a romcom? Okay. But a sidekick in a romcom? B____, please. You're better than that. Why not do what you're doing with the whole vampire craze, and be the lead hot thing? That's way more worth your time. (Side note: Fright Night freaked the f___ out of me growing up. Dude. I was six when I saw it.) To conclude, I can't wait for Ondine, which you can apparently already view on demand -- uh, that's weird. Because it's not even in theaters yet.

Illusions!

2010-05-16T19:00:00.001-04:00

You have to admit. This is pretty cool.

AI9: The Top 4 Prove that They Just Aren't the Same As Last Year's.

2010-05-11T21:58:00.002-04:00

Where do I begin. Well, first, fair warning, I just went to SweetGreen to get froyo because I needed to end my night on a positive note. Reva, a few other friends, and I went to a pub quiz that was severely underwhelming. We were told ahead of time that it was for a good cause -- fine. No biggie. Then we learned (too late) that it was for heart disease. And that all of the questions would pertain to health. Seriously.

So of course, we think -- well, obviously, let me order a burger and fries and drink beer as I do this. And of course, afterwards the emcees immediately ran outside for a cigarette. And of course the questions were completely impossible to answer (e.g., Which fruit has the most anti-oxidants? That's it. Not per serving or any standard measure like that.) Boo.

So it's in that context that I review tonight's American Idol.

First, Jamie Foxx -- two years in a row as a mentor? Really? Is it because you haven't been in any good movies lately? I think so. Also, remember when you promised to do a song with Kris Allen? Yeah. Punk. Also, the t-shirt thing was stupid. Even Ryan was confused as to which one the contestants should want. They keep being told to compete, compete, compete -- but no, they shouldn't REALLY be doing that. GAH!

Second, Lee, you really chose a song that DEMANDS perfect pitch? My grawd, dude. That's not your thing. You should stick to the speak-singing that works so well.

Third, Mike, you are no MJ. And that warble you've got in your vibrato is just as annoying as Casey's lamb vibrato.

Fourth, Lee and Crystal decide to take on Kris Allen. Look, on it's own, it's actually not that bad. It was, after all, originally a duet. Still, I just hate how this entire season seems to have been a big FU to Kris.

Fifth, Casey sucks.

Sixth, what was with the mariachi band at the end, boys?

Last, look Crystal, honey, I love you. You are the most talented one here. And you are going to lose to Lee. Hey, I don't make the rules, but he is the non-threateningly cute one, so just deal. Here's the thing, I love that blues thing you do -- but if you keep doing it to obscure songs, you are never going to have A Moment on American Idol. You are just going to be good. And that's not enough to win. So, for one week -- next week -- just sell out and sing a g-damn Top 40 pop song. Blues it up all you want, but make it a friggin' song that 10 year old goilz know. Please. Because if Big Mike makes it to the finals over you, I'm so done.

Please go home Casey. (BTWs, did anyone else wonder if Mike might have chosen "Have you ever really loved a woman?" as a passive-aggressive way to ask Casey if he's gay? Just sayin'.)

Sigh. I'm going to go listen to Kris Allen now. And maybe even some Adam Lambert. Yes, that's how much I hate this season. (But don't worry, it's not like I'm going to go listen to Evil Gokey or some shiznat like that.)

Vindication.

2010-05-10T21:31:00.001-04:00

Someone (read: me) deigned to criticize Glee way back when.

I'd just like to point out that, um, the establishment is recognizing my brilliance.

My Latest Podcast Recommendation.

2010-05-06T21:42:00.003-04:00

Chris Hardwick, erstwhile/quondam host of MTV's Singled Out (which was awesome - shut up - it was - you know it), has just started putting out a podcast called The Nerdist. It's on iTunes, and it's also here.

It's basically Chris and a few friends, sitting around and interviewing/shooting the sh__/joking with a famous funny person. Who knew that Drew Carey was so funny? Or that Joel McHale's radio voice is so geeky? Or that Jon Hamm is good-looking?

Chris, being somewhat known but not nearly as famous as his friends, has good insight into life as a comedian-cum-superstar without the second part. It makes for genuinely interesting questions and genuinely interesting answers. Sure, there's the requisite amount of sycophantic fawning and preening, but it's nothing that you wouldn't naturally do with your friends. And it's just fun eavesdropping on a bunch of jokers talking about random stuff.

Plus, on top of that, Chris is a major nerd, and geeks out about all sorts of tech goodies and stuff like that. They talk about Caprica and Lost and Joss Whedon and Dr. Who. SWEET.

Add it to the pile o' podcasts. Good stuff.

Totally Worth Your Time.

2010-05-05T11:25:00.000-04:00

Trust me. I only embed videos that are worth watching. This is amazing.

Thank God there are people out there with no lives who can make crap like this for us to watch. Three cheers for the interwebs!

WE MADE GAWKER!

2010-05-05T08:42:00.002-04:00

A couple days ago, my hometown done waved its DAR-lovin' yes-we-have-a-rod-and-gun-club and yes-we-have-a-prison-too libby 'litest flag. And now Gawker has picked up the story! I'm shedding a tear at the fact that my little haven that's older than the country itself is so trendy.

AI9: The Top 5 Make My Ears Bleed.

2010-05-04T21:14:00.002-04:00

Let me make this easy.

Casey goes home.

Aaron is also in the bottom.

They aren't going to do a bottom 3 because then it would be too obvious who the frontrunner finalists are. And at this point, it's just too obvious.

I just can't take it! As much as I bag on Evil Gokey from last season, at least he can sing in tune. We're at the top 5, and Casey and Aaron are just awful. Just -- if I heard them in an audition, I'd think they were one of the joke auditioners. And yes, Mike did okay tonight, but can you actually imagine yourself buying his album? Let along LISTENING to it?

Eff the judges. Crystal looked and sounded stunning tonight. My favorite Crystal perf of the season. And Lee is indeed a mini-Harry Connick Jr. They hugged an awful lot tonight.

Can we do an all-stars version of American Idol and not invite back anyone from this season?

I Miss Kris.

2010-05-04T10:00:00.001-04:00

I agree, Lee will probably win. Sure, I picked him super early on, sort of like I did with Kris. And yeah, he's cuddly adorable in a Kris-like way, and I've downloaded 2 of his perfs this season (by comparison -- I dl'd 1 for Didi -- and 0 for Crystal so far), but, I don't know, he's still not growing the way Kris did. And he still can't sing in tune. Sigh.

It's times like these that make me realize just how awesome Season 8 was (and for that matter, Season 1 and Season 5, too). I'm not just talking Kris -- but Adam and Allison also. And Evil Gokey and Evil Lil made for fantastic villains. How Adam started out as one, but transformed into an interesting hero. How Matt Giraud's goiter just kept getting bigger. Seriously people, I know I talk about Kris a lot in this blog, but I implore you to watch at least one of these vids:

Here's them rehearsing:

Dude, I don't even like this Coldplay song all that much (and in general, I think I only like maybe 2 of their songs), but no one from Season 9 could pull something like this off. Maybe Crystal. Maybe.

Bring It On, Says My Town.

2010-05-03T22:25:00.002-04:00

Weird. So, my nifty little liberally elite hometown out San Francisco-ed Berkeley and Boulder by banning water bottles. That same day, the big Water Main Break of 2010 occurred -- and barely missed Concord. What are the chances?
Who would have thunk it that when I disparaged my state for allowing cousins to marry, way back when I was taking Bar/Bri classes, that I'd get a chance to follow up on it. With a map. See southern states? We're not so different.
I want to point out that, yes, the Boston accent typically removes the "R." However, linguistics nerds know that the Boston accent will actually insert the "R" back in to places -- and where it gets inserted back actually makes sense. It gets inserted whenever one word ends with a vowel sound and the next one begins with a vowel sound. For example: A good ol' Masshole will say "the idea is great" as "the idear is great." I spent $50k a year for four years to learn that -- in Massachusetts!

Checking in With Far Too Many Reality Shows.

2010-05-01T12:06:00.001-04:00

TOP CHEF MASTERS

Rick Moonen is coming off as unlikeable as the d-bag from Zaytinya. This week's Top Chef Masters with the Modern Family cast sucked. Why? Because there was a commercial previewing the champions round halfway through the episode that gave away that Susur was going to win. I don't feel bad "spoiling" that for DVR people because Bravo is going to spoil it for you anyway. At the same time, dude's name is Susur. Awesome.

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

I've been to that extinct volcano in New Zealand that they started off at on this week's ANTM. Woot! It reminded me of the time that The Amazing Race had a challenge involving the tanneries in Fez, Morocco--which I've also been to. FYI, I don't know where Krista was for the first half of the season, but she's kinda owning ANTM now. I want her to win and for Angelea to go down in flames.

AMERICAN IDOL

America, you kicked off Siobhan? Ugh. It's not like a care that it's a sausagefest on AI. I care that you've kicked off all the good--or at least interesting--singers (Siobhan, Didi, Alex, Katelyn) in favor of Aaron Kelly? Mike Lynche? GAH. And yes, I agree, Crystal is going to go the way of Adam Lambert, David Archuleta, Melinda Doolittle, Chris Daughtrey, and Tamyra Gray. Whatever the demographic of AI used to be, it isn't anymore. And while I thank whoever is still watching for helping my Kris Allen to win last year, it's really annoying that basically the same guy keeps advancing (Archie, Cookie, Kris, even Adam looks basically like the others, just with more makeup -- well, maybe not more makeup than Cookie). So congrats, Lee. You're okay and all, but I'd never cheat on Kris with you.

FRESH MEAT II

If you're still not watching Real World / Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II despite all of my glowing praise for the show, then God help you. Just... amazing. Also, there's no one more adorable than Landon in this world. I guarantee.

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE

RuPaul's Drag Race is my new favorite reality TV competition. You can all eat my shorts -- I liked Tatianna, in all her dimwitted ferocity. But yes, Pandora Boxx is, and always will be, the classiest, funniest, and best broadee of the season. Also, how Bush League is this production? It's like the entire thing happens in two rooms--the runway and the workroom. After Ru delivers a video message to the contestants each episode, immediately afterwards he then just walks into the workroom. Like, snuh? Why not just deliver the entire message in one fell swoop?

PROJECT RUNWAY

It's been a few weeks but MAN -- this season of Project Runway was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than last season's. (Karma? Why, yes, Mean-a Irina. Congrats on winning the worst season. Lee DeWyze and you can go commiserate.) I was thrilled--thrilled I tell you that Seth Aaron won and Emilio, that big piece of arrogant vacuum-of-class, lost. First, who names their kid Seth Aaron? Second, did you see how dejected Emilio was? That the judges dared not crown him? HIM? Oh, just bring Anthony back to slap him hard. Also, Anthony deserves to have a reality show -- in a Hills-esque kind of way. Either him or Colin Farrell. Make it happen, TV people.

I'm Torn.

2010-04-29T18:22:00.000-04:00

While I understand the criticism in the comments of using Hollywood movie imagery instead of real life events to accompany Carl Sagan's words, I think that this speech is in and of itself powerful enough to overcome any trite association with commercialized films. And it's most definitely worthy enough to be linked to.

AI9: The Top 6 Sing -- Sigh -- Shania Twain.

2010-04-27T22:34:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I'm lowering my expectations. Not only because this season is terrible (like, Taylor Hicks terrible), but because this theme could not be dumber. Shania Twain? Canadian country? Really? This whole songbook trend for themes has got to end. As does Randy's taste in sweaters.

Don't get me wrong. I like Shania. She likes the Asians. Just, like, really? As a theme?

1. LEEEEEEEEEE. He's harmonizing! Which is weird, because he doesn't really sing in tune. AND he's doing side-mouth singing. Not as cute as Krissy Allen Poohs, but close.

2. BIG MIIIIIKE. Look, I know that Mike means well, but dude just is uncontrollably cheesy. Everything about his just screams -- velvet. As if he's supposed to be Miss Kentucky in the Miss America Pageant. Totally just not my style. Although, yes, he sings more in tune more than Lee does.

3. KC. I feel like Shania is generally a good mentor. Do you think Casey has problems when it's really humid outside? Like his hair just goes all bouffant, and not in a good way? That was actually really good, except for his vibrato. And it's awesome that Shania is sitting next to a gnome.

4. MAMASOX!!! Omg, Ryan just made a crack about Shania's white teef in front of Crystal -- who used to have poopy coloured teef. Omg, I love Crystal. She just called out her bf for not getting down on one knee already. Grawd. Loves. Oh, is there someone blowing an empty moonshine jug? Or Steve Martin? This is so country fair. I love it. I hope other people love it, too.

5. AAAAAARON. Sigh, will I be missing anything if I just ff through his perf? Oh, please, as if he would ever disagree with her. He's 17 going on 13. Also, everyone who keeps comparing him to Archie: (1) he's not as good as Archie and (2) he's not nearly as adorable as Archie. Archie also has better hair. And laughs like he's being tickled by puppies. This perf is just so karaoke. There's nothing special about it whatsoever. I feel like people are cheering for him as if he took his first step. Like Bambi. Without being as cool. Yes, he's not as cool as Bambi. That's how much I don't care for him.

6. SIOBHAN. Oh, I love this song. This is one of the best Shania songs ever. Siobhan sounds amazing -- I'll give her that. She's even made up like Shania -- hair, get-up, etc. And she does her signature scream -- replete with end glory note. That was awesome. Cheesy, but in a good way, not a Big Mike way. Cheesy in a -- Shania way. SWEET. Punk country is right. That's what Magnus should do it.

Best: Siobhan.

Close: Casey (darn that stupid vibrato).

Good: Lee, Crystal.

Terrible: Mike, Aaron.

Bottom: Mike, Aaron, Casey. Although, I could see a shocker bottom 3 where Crystal is there instead of Casey.

Going home: Mike.

I Know, I'm Posting This Late.

2010-04-26T17:45:00.000-04:00

[I'm cleaning out my Google Reader starred items. Sue me.]

I didn't watch Jersey Shore, but you BET I would watch Wicked Summer.

Here's what I appreciate from the casting:

Chicopee shout-out! (Western Mass!)
Wellesley preps are included. When Slate predicted this, even they acknowledged that Massholes come in more than one variety.
They dropped "hoagies" from the alleged early draft of the posting.
"Seeking ages 21-80+"

Cleaning Up House, Part Quatre.

2010-04-25T17:31:00.004-04:00

1. Call me a sucker for obvious statements, but this l'il vid came to my attention a few months back when Jeremy Renner was relevant for one shining moment and when Sandra Bullock's life was perfect. It makes fun of Hollywood -- and also make me cringe at hoe formulaic Hollywood really is:

2. Speaking of cringing at Hollywood. I sort of miss him as an action star:

3. So despite all that, again, I'm nuts I guess because I sort of think this would be a fantastic movie:

I'm Not Crazy Or Anything.

2010-04-22T10:50:00.001-04:00

But I was irrationally excited that Kris Allen was spotted eating din din at a hotel near me.

And no, WaPo, they have never crafted a cuter Idol. (Eat it, ArchAngels! [/dork])

Da Bay State.

2010-04-21T15:45:00.001-04:00

She might as well have sang a song that went "Tuesday night we went to the Christmas Tree Shop / And drove past the Friendly's / At Roche Brothers "Steal Away" by Robbie Dupree was playing softly / And Tuesday nights are like this forever."

-Gawker's hilari-diculous Richard Lawson on Siobhan. Seriously, if you're an AI junkie and you aren't reading his recaps, you're missing out.

AI9: The Top 7 Give Back.

2010-04-20T21:36:00.002-04:00

I'm super busy tonight, so I'm keeping it short and sweet tonight.

First things first, does Randy ever get tired of booing Simon when Simon gets introed? Also, it seems super inappropos for Big Mike to bear hug Alicia Keys like that.

Casey - Ever since he did Huey Lewis, I can't stop hearing HuLew when Casey "sings." Also, best screenshot ever was Casey's "friends" holding guitar-shaped signs reading "Casey Rocks" but accidentally obscuring the R and the top of the o so it looks like "Casey Sucks." Truer words have never been written on guitar-shaped signs.

Lee - Lee's got some tattz. Did not know that. Jebus, forgetting Lee for a sec, this song is so ridiculously good. Back to Lee - he threw on a swanky loose tie combo (a la Kris Allen singing How Sweet It Is) AND he threw in some falsetto. I like Lee's teeth. (Als0, interestingly, Lee is playing in the Kris Allen Memorial Spot. Hah.)

Tim - Does he just never cut his hair? Or sing in tune? That was awful.

Aaron - Oh, this is even more painful. Tim, you're lucky that Aaron's still flailing in this comp. Why did people cheer for that?

Siobhan - I kinda like Alicia as a mentor. What the hell is she wearing? I thought that was cheese-tastically over-the-top AWESOME. So theater. So drama. So overblown. Loves it. I read that the judges hated it, but the judges are stupid. Just listen to me, not them, because I'm an anonymous blogger on the internet. Total credibility.

Mike - Ugh. I'm sure Mike's a nice guy and all, but his whole kumbaya shtick is particularly grating on the "inspirational songs" week. I don't think that inspiration is intentional, which is why I hate people like Mike so much. The song was okay. Meh.

Crystal - She gets pimped again! How many times has she gotten to sing last? Lucky gryl. Plus, she doesn't have the stank of Lil or Danny Gokey on her neiver. I just stopped blogging for a sec, because Crystal just made me stop. No snark here. She looks amazing. Earthy, but sophisticated. Going gospel works for her. And then she is so overcome with emotion that she starts crying. DUDE. Crystal just took Lee's Moment, ripped out its little heart, chewed it like gum, and replaced the whole damn thing with her own. Crystal has her Moment, which is really the only thing she needed to secure her spot in the finals.

But then Fox epically fails. The show gets cut off by my DVR for running long. And now I bet that Glee will also be cut off by a few minutes. Thanks for being just the worst channel ever, Fox. And yes, I realize that NBC sucks.

League of her own: Crystal.

Woulda had a moment but-for Crystal: Lee.

Good enough: Siobhan, Casey.

Bottom 3: Aaron, Mike, Tim.

Going home: Aaron.

Dude. Duke! Wash, Rinse, REPEAT.

2010-04-19T23:11:00.002-04:00

Holy carp, my pasty-white velociraptor Kyle Singler is staying. STAYING. Given the current pro bball climate, it's not at all clear what the best choice was for him. But it is tooooootes clear what the best choice was for fans.

WOOT!

I'm Going To Try And Watch Movies.

2010-04-18T21:07:00.002-04:00

Despite the fact that I really have no personal time in which to go to the theatah -- I'm looking forward to the summer anyway. The spring movie season is usually pretty terrible because studios tend to dump their bad movies then. Summer -- you get the big shooty flix, which then ease into the fall prestige films. Thank goodness it's about that time! Anyhoo, as I did last year, I perused the EW summer preview and here's what, in a perfect world, I'd watch (and what would be good movies -- even though at least half if not more will suck).

MAY

Iron Man 2 (5/7). I still don't really understand why they had to replace Terrence Howard. Still, RDJ in that cobalt blue racing suit redefines dashing. Yowsa.
Robin Hood (5/14). Is it weird that Hollywood still can't find a modern English actor to play RH other than Cary Elwes? Meh, I think that Cate Blanchett as Marion is inspired (I'd almost rather it be from her POV) and bows and arrows are cool, so, yah.
Prince of Persia (5/28). If, IF, this turns out to be a Pirates of the Caribbean-type adventure, I'm in. If it turns out to be a Tomb Raider type dud, then I'm out.
Micmacs (5/28). Jean-Pierre Jeunet goes all mimsy on us borogroves!

JUNE

Ondine (6/4). Colin Farrell is my favorite actor. And he knocked up his leading lady. So yah, amusing.
Toy Story 3 (6/18). Because I have a pulse.
Knight and Day (6/25). Because despite Tom Cruise's brainwashing of Katie Holmes, he's still a movie star who makes awesome movies. And the trailer made me laugh. And I don't even think the trailer gave away the whole movie! (See MIB as a horrible example of the latter.)

JULY

The Last Airbender (7/2). You have no idea how anxious I am about this one. If you don't know, Avatar: The Last Airbender, was this amazing cartoon on Nickelodeon -- incredibly mature concept that nerds like me can appreciate, but fun and light for the young'ns. When I heard they were making this live action, I... was excited. And then I heard that M. Night Shyamalaladingdong was directing, I... threw up a little in my mouth. And then when I heard that he didn't cast ANY Asian leads, I got pissed (he's since put in what's his name from Slumdog instead of JESSE FRIGGIN MCCARTNEY). This is definitely one of those movies where I'm not sure that getting what I wished for (a live-action version) is all that it's cracked up to be.
Inception (7/16). Even though it has a crappy title, this is Christopher Nolan doing his Memento thang. You bet I want to see this.
The Sorcerer's Apprentice (7/16). God help me. I hate both of the "stars" but I'm a fantasy-junkie.
Kisses (7/16). Yeah, yeah, I have a weird thing for Irish-themed films.
Dinner for Schmucks (7/23). Predictable premise. But it's hard for me not to want to see Paul Rudd in a movie. Just impossible. He. Has. Tiny. Arms.
Salt (7/23). Because Angelina Jolie kicking ass is bliss.
The Adjustment Bureau (7/30). I don't really understand what it's about, but hey, I always like to put Matt Damon's movies on my To See list and then inevitably not be able to see them in the theaters because I'm too busy. Sigh.

AUGUST

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (8/13). Dude. Awesome premise.

AI9: The Top 9 Rehash Themselves. Yet Again.

2010-04-13T20:40:00.004-04:00

I don't mind that Adam Lambert is the mentor. What I do mind is that he is the quintessential example of the producers shoving what they think is the star down our throats. And this is what I simply just do not get. This show, this crazy stoopid I-hate-to-hate-it show is TAILOR-MADE to just go with the flow to figure out what the public wants. Why force it? Why pimp your favorites? It makes no sense whatsoever. I like Adam as much as the next one (well, maybe not as much as most people), but I can't help but feel like he's always got the stank of teacher's petness about him. And he don't need that! Sigh.

Crys Bowserocks. CB does her same singer-songwriter bluesy-soul -- but she swirled it a touch. That's awesome. Because as good as she is -- if she doesn't figure out a way to change it up every single week, she's not going to win. See Melinda Doolittle, and, hell, Adam Lambert. No one denies that they were the most talented their seasons, but people, that's not what wins AI. (And I spit on those people who don't know their propuh AI history. Ever since Kelly beat Justin AND Tamyra, this show is about growth.)

Andy Garcia. Not the famous one from the Untouchables. He gets reamed by the judges, and for good reason. AG's performance reminds me -- excuse me while I dork out for a sec -- of the current advice for concerto competition musicians. Because some pieces have become so iconic -- or so associated with a certain performer (think Jacqueline Dupre and the Dvorak Cello Concerto) -- that many performers now use lesser-known or new pieces for competitions. Hound Dog, you see, is the Mozart Clarinet Concerto of Elvis songs. And AG is, sadly, simply an also-ran on some televised singing competition.

Timothe Urbane. "Showing people that I know what the words are about." Deep. TU isn't a bad singer. He's just an immature singer. Meaning that he has a limited voice and still hasn't figured out how to make the most of it. By comparison, Kris Allen (I luv him -- haven't you noticed?) doesn't have a voice that will stop cars -- but oh my grawd does he know how to make the most of it. TU's got a ways to go. All in all, though, he was surprisingly decent this week.

LLe Dwyz. "So, Lee is great." Read: "Lee reminds me of Kris Allen, and I love Kris, so I love you." LD just sounds good. And that smirk-smile he does is so cute. OMG, Kara's advice was spot on. "That was fire." Oh, Ryan, you are a douchebag.

Erin Kheli. Aaron knows that this song is wrong for him... and yet he's still singing it. This has disaster written all over it. Take a look at my critique of AG and apply it here. It's the very definition of KaraDioguarke. See what I did there? I so clever. Here's what AK should have done: a country version of Blue Suede Shoes. Whoa! Simon just gave a shout out to Tim. Snow. Hell. Etc.

Siobhan Magnum PI. SHE'S SINGING MY FAVORITE ELVIS SONG. This sounds kinda Kathie Lee Gifford on a Carnival Cruise. Ooh, except for that little gospel spin at the end. Oh, she should have done that from the beginning. The second half of that song was waaaaaaaaaay waaay waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the first.

Mika Lyncha. I love ML in those glasses. Oh, boo. He's not wearing them for the perf.

KT Stephens. Does KS bother anyone else just by being her? Yeah. Wow, apparently a Transformer threw up on her. And some weird pleather pants monster is eating her from the feet up. Oh, KS, you are not a badass. Towards the end of the song, I actually heard KS's voice not quite make it -- there were a few points where you could hear her swallow her "big" notes.

KC Jemz. I hate Ryan. Oh noez! Casey is standing in the Pit of Sway Despair! That's where both Kris and Matt had problems connecting. I hate CJ's vibrato. But overall, I like what CJ's doing with a funky, countrifried song. It suits him, and is fun. That's it. Fun. Nothing more than that. And still not hot.

Best: Crystal (duh), Lee (duh, sort of), Mike.

Okay: Tim (snuh!?!), the second half of Siobhan, Katie (I guess), Casey.

Worst: Andrew, the first half of Siobhan, Aaron.

Going home: Andrew and Aaron.

PS. THANK YOU FOR GETTING RID OF THE BACKSTAGE CAMERA.

Another Slew of Muppetness.

2010-04-11T19:52:00.001-04:00

Is it weird that I don't know who Wendy Williams is? In other news, I wish that I had dancers who followed me around to throw down every time I randomly broke out into song:

I feel bad for Beaker. He gets picked on too much:

This is effing bril. If you only have time to watch one of theze vids, make it this one. "Please. Don't eat me. Don't do it.":

The Best New TV Show of the Spring.

2010-04-11T14:16:00.003-04:00

For as much TV as I watch, I watch a surprisingly little amount of cable shows. I saw the first season of Breaking Bad, but haven't continued with it. I haven't gotten into Mad Men -- mostly because I learnt 'bout it too late and I hate picking things up mid-series. I've caught a few eps of The Riches on hulu, but I was never into The Shield, Rescue Me, or Nip/Tuck (I hate seeing plastic surgery -- even though I watch Cougartown). I did obsess over Battlestar Galactica because I'm a huge nerd, and I like Psych (even if it's gone downhill recently) and White Collar has its charms (Matt Bomer *teehee* is pretty). I don't watch The Closer, Damages, or Saving Grace. So yeah, take this recommendation with a hunk crystal of salt.

Justified stars Timothy Olyphant in all his grandest reticence and lanky physique as a U.S. Marshal with daddy issues and the type of sublimated anger that is far scarier than some in-your-face gangsta punching a hole through the wall every morning. He gets transferred from Miami to Kentucky, his home state, pending an investigation into his "justified" shooting of a criminal suspect. Hilarity ensues. Just kidding. What has ensued thus far is an easygoing mix of cowboy-movie austerity with modern day clashes of federal jurisdiction over local Kentucky flavor. The script is witty without being ironic. The action is slick without being predictable. And anything with Natalie Zea in it gets an automatic bump in the awesomeness meter.

One more thing: Olyphant's character is no off-the-reservation maverick like waaaaayyyy too many protagonists these days. The show chooses instead to allow the situations play out themselves. In a lot of ways, I think this is the dramatic counterpart to Cougartown -- the characters are written so well and their backstories, albeit still new, are sketched with such assurance that the show can just insert them into really interesting situations instead of contriving some random drama. In other words, just watch it. So I can have someone else to nerd out over the show with.

AI9: The Top 9 Rehash a Theme. Again.

2010-04-06T20:58:00.003-04:00

Hey there Comcast, thanks for not recording AI for me. [Editor's note: Reva's Comcast also screwed up. Way to go, Cable.] If it weren't for Rickey and MJ, I wouldn't know what happened in the first half hour. And yet ... this season ... there was a part of me that didn't care at all. Like, so I missed ... something. Wow, I really have no attachment to anyone on this season.

So, I missed a half hour, and wouldn't you know it... only two people have sung. Are you kidding me? You really need another reason for me to hate this season?

1. Aaron. Long and Winding Road.

Aaron pretends to be David Archuleta. If Archie sang with a country twang, out-of-tune, and jebus - out. of. tune. So, you know those swaybots -- does anyone ever do that at real concerts? Snore. My mind is spacing. Even that last "glory note" was boring. Sigh. Moving on.

2. Katie. Let It Be.

Excuse me for a second. Katie, dear. Did you not just see Kris Allen sing this song brilliantly for Haiti? Ugh. I bet either Simon doesn't acknowledge that or Kara says that Adam sang it. Well... okay, now. Ms. Pageant eighty-year-old teenager is sort of doing okay. When Katie crinkles her forehead, it looks like she has a unibrow. I'll be honest: That was the first time that I saw that Katie has potential. Not to win, mind you, but at least deserving of being in the finals.

3. Andrew. Can't Buy Me Love.

Remember the movie where Patrick Dempsey essentially bought a prostitute? I basically spaced out during Andrew's uninspiring perf to think about that movie. Andrew wasn't bad, but there was nothing about it that made me want to hear more.

4. Mike. Eleanor Rigby.

Dude. Sigh. He's singing a David Cook song. Just come on. And his family used to call themselves the "Lynche Mob"? Uhm. Awk--wwaaard. Anyone else with me on that one? All this is making me think of is that I miss David v. David. Mike is making this like some weird Miami Soundmachine 80's retro thing. And I don't like it. This song should be DRAMA. Just a wall of sound. And Mike makes it all laser-y pow pow. That's not a good thing.

Do you think that they hate the backstage cam because it forces everyone to hug each other? Like, what if you don't like someone? Or if someone smells bad? Or if someone is creepily handzy?

5. Crystal. Come Together.

Okay, Crystal, you're treading on thin ice by picking a Kris Allen song. I forgive you for two reasons: Kris kinda did terrible on this one, and you're kinda one of the only songtestants I care about this season. Digiridoo!!! (sp?) I don't know, but that's AWESOME. Niice. That little curl of the words at the end of the first line was so sexy. Hey, Carly Smithson, watch and learn. That's right. Mamasox, she of the disgusting dreaded hair, can pull off sexy because she knows how to infuse a single word with layers. Kind of a rough ending, and it seemed like CB was lost a few times, but we'll chalk it up to her being Phoebe sick.

6. Tim. All My Lovin'.

His hair is consuming him. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. So... like, yeah, this is in tune. And, like, it's pleasanzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Zzzz. Snuh? This is just boring. I can't believe that this dude gets a minute and a half of airtime each week.

7. Casey. Jealous Guy.

LOLZ! Synergy! Angel and Zooey have been trotted out! Bare with me a sec -- does anyone else really like Andrew and Lee in these dish-about-the-other-contestants interviews? Touche, Egghead Latin Gokey, for you are sort of likeable. (Lee, well done, as expected.) I like this stripped down performance, but it has the drawback of exposing some weakness in Casey's voice itself. Namely: his lamb-vibrato. It's like that crap that Matt Giraud tried pulling on us last season (that Evil Gokey made fun of -- that b____).

8. Siobhan. Across the Universe.

I love Siobhan's hair. There. I said it. Hmm... Siobhan's sort of playing loosey goosey with the tempo. And when it's slow... it's a touch too slow. I totally get what she was going for with this version. I don't think it was exactly successful. Oh... dramatic close-up of Siobhan with tears. I don't think that Simon was expecting such a sincere, earnest answer. You could tell he had to backtrack and play nice.

9. Lee. Hey Jude.

First impression? Lee is dressed in the same, cazh, relaxed, loosened tie on suit outfit that Kris rocked last year during this night. Not a bad playbook to crib from. Lolz, they are making fun of the bromance! A Danny Gokey reference! Clapper joke! Holy carp, Lee really is stealing from Kris. Is Lee actually smiling? And now he's side-mouth singing Kris Allen style... this is creepy. W. T. F. SHARK JUMPED. BAG-F***ING-PIPES. Well. There's something Kris didn't do. Huge crowd reac. Mama-Sox has got competition. I'm so glad that Lee just owned it with the bagpipe. Sweet.

Best: Katie (where am I? did I just put her first?), Lee (for owning the bagpipe decision 100%).

Okay: Crystal, Siobhan, Casey, Mike, Andrew.

Worst: Aaron, Tim.

Bottom three: Aaron, Tim, and Andrew.

Bottom two: Aaron and Tim.

Going home: Tim.

Yup, I think this is the end of the road for Tim. [Editor's note: Apparently the judge's liked him -- I still think he's going home.]

Things I Lurv Even More.

2010-04-06T00:28:00.003-04:00

DUKE!

Things I Lurv.

2010-04-04T22:33:00.002-04:00

Dude.

Doogie just quoted Clue, one of the greatest movies of all time. All. Time.
Matty's going to be hangin' with Liz and Jack.
Billy Mitchell, a major, major douchebag, is currently displaced. This movie, btws, is also awesome.
Someone's actually trying to secede from the South.
Jon Scheyer. There was a sign during the Final Four game against West Virginia that read "Hobbits love the Scheyer!" I love my nerdy schools.

AI9: I Can't Pretend that This Show Is Worth It Anymore.

2010-03-31T22:36:00.002-04:00

Really, America? You're going to send Didi home? Really? Really? Really? Not Tim the Joker? Katie the Robot? Andrew the Potato? Aaron the Turnip? Hell, even throw out Casey or Mike. Neither of them really have a legit chance at winning this thing in the long run.

And really, Judges? Who the F are you saving the Judges' Save for? And what the hell are you chitchatting about that's so important while Didi was singing?

I already fastforward (John Cho shout out!) through the judges' comments because 4 is just too many (they almost always agree -- do we really need to hear four iterations of praise or four iterations of criticism)? I just whizzed through the results show because I don't like Skinny Ruben, Usher's new single doesn't even sound like a song, Diddy's strobe lights apparently cause seizures (and his dancers ripped of Single Ladies), and the producers ran over time so the end was clipped off by about 4 minutes -- like last year's debacle that was its timing.

Blogging about it isn't even fun because I can only trash these horrible contestants so much before even I start feeling bad. Yes, ME! And I love judging others!

Just let Crystal and Lee have recording contracts. Give one to Didi, too, please, someone who knows what will actually sell in today's pop scene. And wake me up next time they have Kris Allen or Adam Lambert on to sing or, in Kris's case, make googly eyes at me through the telly.

Puke goes Season 9. Puke puke puke.

AI9: The Top 10 Usher Ushers Some Terrible Singers.

2010-03-30T21:08:00.009-04:00

I'm going to just brain dump today, because I needs it:

Usher's head has a funny shape to it. It's like a wasabi pea.
Indoor sunglasses are stupid. And makes me think you're tweaking.
Raymond v. Raymond = Usher's I Am . . . Sasha Fierce = Reason he's slumming it on AI.
Siobhan just laid down another "wicked." Pissa!
Siobhan, the Greek haircut, the ski boots, the bum notes. Oh, it's all atroshe. I gotta say, first major stumble for the presumptive silver medallist.
This backstage cam is awful. Don't ever do that again.
Casey looks like he's boring Usher.
Casey is reminding me of a white Ray Charles who can see. You know, that herky-jerky dance Ray Ray do- well, Casey's doing it, too. Not bad, Casey.
STOP WITH THIS BACKSTAGE CAM. So awkward.
Big Mike just got Usher to make googly eyes at America. Thanks Mike. I'm going to have nightmares of wasabi peas giving me the death stare tonight.
I'm not a fan of India.Arie generally, but this song fits Mike well. It helps him strip away the cheese.
Did you see that middle-aged dude do the Swaybot? Oh, he'll never live that down at the office tomorrow.
Whenever they show Mike's family, do you wonder who's babysitting? Isn't it kinda earl-eye to be leaving baby at home with a stranger?
Didi did not impress Usher. You can tell. And Didi cries again! Usher just did a one-armed hug. Ooh, I feel like that's a major diss. Didi diddid get dissdissed.
I would have done a really sleek coif on Didi. Not that wavy thing. I really think that's what did her in. Well, that and the terrible singing.
Tim is having fun! Yay! FUN! Let's say fun again, Tim. You have 30 million, I mean, fewer watchers than Dancing With the Stars. But as long as YOU'RE having fun. Not us.
Oh! Tim's pretending to be straight! That's so fun!
If you listened to Usher's comments carefully -- he never actually praises Tim. Nice.
It's funny that Tim pretends to be straight while wearing that drag queen wig. FUN!
You know what else is funny? That the judges thought Tim should have been anywhere near the finals. I think Simon was sticking a hot poker into his right eye in that shot. Even Tim's friends can't fake it.
Tim is just wasting time.
Andrew . . . OMG! Ryan just touched Ellen's boob! I, I, I don't even know what that means.
"I feel like this moment was very important for him." -- Usher describing Andrew meeting Usher.
He's reaching back into his Straight Up playbook -- and you know, it actually kinda works for this song. I'm always a big fan of violins. And songs with phrasing that vocally limited gherkins like Andrew can speak-sing. Ethnic Gokey is back! I don't know if that's a good thing.
Slezak put it best I think: the Ford commercials with Krissy Poo are the best part of this show.
Katie chose to sing a song sung waaaaayyyyy too much on this show. You know how nice it was to have Casey sing a new song? And Andrew? Well, leave it to Katie to destroy that. Much like how she and all the other "singers" are destroying my love for AI. (Save me Bowsersock! Help me DD! Whisper sweet nuttin's Lee Dewickywoo!)
Ugh, Katie is somehow making Chain of Fools into the whitest song ever. So, well, I guess that's a talent.
BO BICE SIGHTING!!! Bo knows Moe's.
Lee. Oh, LeeLee Dewyzieski. Looks like a young Helen Hunt. Lee just made Usher smile. USHER JUST SAID WOW. I told you he's awesome.
"Treat Her Like a Lady." I think Lee thinks too much about the song while he sings it. If he can break that -- break through, I think he can beat Bowserboobs for the win. I'm dead serious.
And now Simon is noting that there's some pain -- "something happened" -- with Lee. But that tonight, Lee might have won the competition tonight. I love Simon's comment. He just got Lee a whole crapton of new votes. What did I tell you? Great minds, people, great minds. Even if I have better fashion sense than Simon.
I want to be that guitar pick.
Crystal is wearing stileh-ohs. Hott. Awwwww.... she's sitting down. Boo.
Usher is blown away. I kinda like Usher as a mentor. Even if he's phoning it in.
Ooh, now he's standing. She does not look comfy in heels.
Randy just name-dropped Gladys Knight.
Crystal has to stop talking back to Simon. Simon loves herr. She's got to use that.
NO. NO. NO.
Aaron is doing "Ain't No Sunshine." This is a Kris Allen signature song. And this is Lee's audition song. Aaron is not allowed to desecrate it. And he is. BLECH.
First, objectively, he's sharp. He can't find the pitch.
Second, he's got a teardrop haircut.
This is el terriblay.
Just feels disingenuous.
I need to go watch Kris's perf last year to make me feel better.
Tepid response.

Best: Lee. Mike.
Okay: Casey. Crystal. Andrew.
Worst: Aaron. Siobhan(!). Katie. Tim.
Bottom three: Katie, Tim, and . . . Aaron.
Going home: Katie.

Some More Dukeness.

2010-03-29T21:07:00.003-04:00

Because I'm just absolutely Duke-d out right now, I'm gonna keep the good blog posts going:

-First, let me show you a good example of Scheyer Face.

-Second, inappropriate crushes on Scheyer aside, what the eff is he wearing on his left knee?

-Third, here's kind of a cool article about why the typical Duke-hate isn't really warranted this year. And here's another. I think this picture kinda sums up what they're getting at.

-Fourth, if you don't believe that at the end of the day, these players are just kids, take a gander at Andre Dawkins, who basically looks like the cutest 2 year old puppy. And as if that weren't enough, dude's still got braces. HUGGY BEARZ!

-Fifth, for good measure of ghosts of Duke past: JJ has a rap album. ROFLCOPTER.

Oh, and congrats Jordan Davidson, for somehow never graduating long enough to make a Final Four. I salute you.

FINAL FOUR BABY!!!

2010-03-28T21:52:00.005-04:00

So this is what it's like to cheer for a college team! With all due respeck to my ugrad, whose women's hockey and men's squash are, indeed, dominant, I've never gotten a chance to just be stoopid for college sports. But oh baby! Leave it to my law school to get me to scarf down beer, blue margaritas, rice krispie treats, and brownies while simultaneously loving Scheyer Face beyond appropriate boundaries of reason and civility. Woot!

The best quote that I've found that sums up Duke's Elite Eight (heartstopping) victory against an unbelievable Baylor team--as well as it's potential hope for the Final Four--was in a little blog post on ESPN:

Singler was 0-for-10 from the field. And Duke won. Think about that.

Manners.

2010-03-27T12:00:00.002-04:00

I got my herr did this morning, and I overheard this exchange during the warshing phase:

Diego: It's good to see you!

Customer: Always!

Snuh? Is that a type of genteel small talk that I'm unaware of? Polite people are weird.

My Best Friend Is an Ad Exec. I Hope He Didn't Do This One.

2010-03-25T09:30:00.001-04:00

One of the ads on yahoo.com is for Scoop Away kitty litter. It features the adventures of Clumpy and Crumbly.

Clumpy and Crumbly.

Yes.

They are personified, um, doodies.

Really, Scoop Away? Really?

AI9: The Top 11 Learn from Miley Cyrus. I Wish That Were Ironic.

2010-03-23T21:25:00.003-04:00

So, yeah, this week was supposed to be Teen Idol week, but is Billboard No. 1's again. Again. Because the producers suck and can't think of anything new to do. Sigh. In that same spirit, I'm going to non-live live blog this episode.

Does anyone think that Miley sounds like a dude. Or a pompous arse. I can't wait until the Bowersox chomps her head off for being a horrible person.

1. Lee Dewyze - "The Letter." SCAT! The good kind, not the goopy kind. I remember thinking that Lee might have a problem with a voice that's not very versatile, but he's probably sung the most variety of songs. Owl City? This one? Nickelback-y stuff that every expects? It's cool, and surprising. It's actually kind of a throwback to the Kelly Clarkson / Clay Aiken days when the voice mattered more than the artist. It's refreshing.

2. Paige Miles - "Against All Odds." Ugh. It's one of those songs that AI just needs to retire. I can't believe I'm about to write this, but Miley Cyrus totally right. Paige can't sing in tune. Remember Lee's first week? Multiply that by crap taken to the dying cat power.

3. Tim Urban - "Crazy Little Thing Called Love." Miley totally wanted to hug Timmy because she's in love with hard bodies. Just google her past and current boyfriends. Anyway, Tim decides to wear Melanie Griffith's blazer from Working Girl. I think in his head he thinks he did awesome. And now Randy is going to cut him down. Randy, cut Tim's hair instead.

4. Aaron Kelly - "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing." Aaron has tonsilitis. And now Ryan thinks he's going to catch it. Because he made out with him? This is the only "mentoring" that is puppy-cute. Not creepy. Except that he's singing one of the worst songs ever. I think the starry backdrop isn't good for someone battling acne. Also, that thing where singers move their mouth away from the mike when they hit emphasized notes? He's doing it, but there's no point. This country thing is just awful. Except people are cheering for it. Ugh, am I just out of touch with this show?

5. Crystal Bowersox - "Me and Bobby McGee." One more notch. Bowser reminds me of Elise on that episode of Family Ties where she sings a folk song. Except better. That was pretty awesome. Joplin on AI? Dude. Whodathunkit. Crystal's only gimmick is a carpet -- and it's been warmed up. Wow. Totally trying to keep my mind out of the gutter. Not working.

6. Michael Lynche - "When a Man Loves a Woman." Editor's sidenote: Remember how Mariah Carey totally impressed as a mentor? I'm going to say it, Miley is kinda not terrible at this mentoring thing. She's straightforward with that deep dragalicious voice. If only she weren't the devil. So Big Mike has decided to swan dive headlong into a vat of cheese. He's just so over the top. Mike dresses as The Continental and wants to be taken seriously. Look, he has a play-zent enough voix, but it's just not very modern. It's like an early 90's End of the Road, without the heft (well, vocal heft).

7. Andrew Garcia - "I Heard It On the Grapevine." Andrew reminds me of a potato with toothpicks sticking out. I actually don't mind the tone of his voice. It's immature, but there's something promising. Like that last superfine sandpaper you use to buff things.

8. Katie Stevens - "Big Girls Don't Cry." Katie is such a soulless robot. Confession: I kinda love this song. Just not Katie's rendition. It's basically a copycat of the original, and well, Fergie is an awful singer. Mileyferatu said it right: Make it your own. Trim two eyebrows and call me in the morning Katie.

9. Casey James - "The Power of Love." "I'm a Big Fan of Your.......... Father's." SWEET. Way to drain the power of Miley Mouse. You know what's awesome? That CJ is singing a Michael J. Fox movie song, and I've already reffed Family Ties in this blog! I'm such a child of the 80's (even though I was born in '79 - Cambodia! Girl Who Spelled Freedom!).

10. Didi Benami - "You're No Good." Does anyone else really like angry Didi? She sounds waaaay bettah than Sweet Didi.

11. Siobhan Magnus - "Superstition." Look. At. Those. Jeans. THOSE FRIGGIN' AWESOME STONEWASHED JEANS!!! AND SHE JUST WHIPPED OUT THE "WICKED COOL"!!!! MASSACHUSETTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm done. What is she . . . what is going on with her ... hair. Last season was the year of Adam... this is Eve. My Grawd, she's fascinating in all her dorkitude. I'm speechless. In a good way. Totally good way. She's even standing like a dork.

No one was all that outstanding this week. Sigh, and it's starting to be the same ol' same ol'.

Decent: Crystal, Siobhan. Again.

Safe: Casey, Didi, Mike, Lee, Katie. Again.

Bottom: Tim, Paige, Aaron, Andrew. Again.

Send Paige home. She's terrible.

Planning Is Important.

2010-03-18T16:35:00.001-04:00

So, you know Major League Baseball (BOSTON!!!). When they were coming up with a team name for Arizona back in 1998 and settled on Diamondbacks, that probably made some sense, what with the desert and all. But, like, someone -- anyone -- should have pointed out the naked emperor that is its nickname: the D-Backs.

I had the TV on in the background a couple days ago, and heard talk of all these "d-bags" this and "d-bags" that. But, it wasn't The Jersey Shore or The Real World or The Celebrity Apprentice or anything like that. It was SportsCenter.

AI9: Is American Idol Using Auto-Tune on the iTunes Live Performance Downloads?

2010-03-17T10:36:00.001-04:00

Last night, one of my favorites, Lee Dewyze finally sang in tune... and it's only the fourth week. He sang Beast of Burden, and although everyone wanted him to rock, he kept it blue-eyed cool, which I actually preferred. So I headed over the iTunes ready to download it, but it wasn't up yet. So I perused his past perfs, which I never bothered to check before because why would I want to download an out-of-tune performance? Except... none of them were out of tune.

Weird.

So I googled -- and it's possible that, yes auto-tuning is occuring, but--SCANDALLLLLE!!!--not everyone is getting the auto-tune treatment. I get the auto-tuning of the live perfs, but if they are going to do that, they should do that for everyone.

I think this should be a bigger deal than it is -- some major blog or entertainment reporter needs to follow up on this. Cantiello! Slezak! MJ! Follow-up on Rickey's report!

AI9: The Top 12 Sing The Rolling Stones.

2010-03-16T22:18:00.003-04:00

Because my previous post about the Top 12 is so awesome, I'm going to keep this recap short. Overall, I gotta say, I was pretty pleased. Here's what was worthy of my clicking-fingiz:

MEMORABLE FOR ALL THE RIGHT REASONS:

Lee (I don't care what the judges say - this was AWESOME.)

Siobhan (WICKED!)

Crystal (I can't keep putting her first, can I? CAN I?)

Didi (Angsty.)

GOOD ENOUGH - LIKE THAT MIDDLE GROUP WHOSE SCORES QUALIFIED THEM FOR THE NEXT ROUND ON PROJECT RUNWAY:

Paige (Sick voice suits her.)

Mike (Spastic.)

Casey (Loved his mom.)

Andrew (Loved his silent lump of a mother.)

Aaron (Just barely.)

Tim (Had me until the closeup of his GROSS FINGERNAILS.)

PUT THEM OUT OF THEIR MISERY:

Katie (Ersatz Leann Rimes. Siobhan's gonna have to represent the northeast.)

Lacey (Just... baa aa aa aa aa d.)

AI9: THE FINAL 12!

2010-03-16T17:34:00.001-04:00

Devoted readers, all seven of you (hi Adam!) will recall that I recently finished reading The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (which was, yes, kick-awesome) and I can't help but believe that that fight-to-the-death last-man-standing battle royale would liven up this crop of 12. The worst final 12 ever. I can stand one Sanjaya or one Haley Scarnato, but 5 bundles of crap??? That's not really fair, because I really think that there have been only 3 completely mind-bogglingly bad ousters, so in reality we should only have 2 craptastic contestants in the finals. Which is par for the course.

So, in pity and obligation, I give you my run-down of the worthy, and the butterworthy (I'm trying not to swear), in order from how I see things shaking out:

1. Crystal Bachelor-and-the-Bobby-Sox.

Why she'll win: Singer-songwriters have it tough on AI. They are admittedly awesome, but they have to deal with a format that requires them to fill bigger and bigger stages as they move on. The show is mean for the Kellys and the Davids, not the introspective geeks. But CB seems to have the presence to by more Kris Allen than Brooke White in that department. Plus that early intervention with the Whitestrips only helps.

Why she won't: She's admitted that she's only doing AI for the money. Somehow, selling out and "lowering" herself to this show might not play well with the heartland. Plus, can even she pull off a genuine fake smile during group numbers for 11 more weeks?

Channels the spirit of: Jason Castro's cool, with David Cook's air of superiority.

2. Siobhan Magnus.

Why she'll win: Duh, she's from Boston, and Boston's the best. Also, she's the closest thing to a typical AI contestant - big voice, dorky personality. Look where that got Kelly Clarkson.

Why she won't: In the time it took me to write this, she just said the word "the."

Spirit of: Katherine McPhee's ethereal voice, with Kellie Pickler's IQ.

3. Lee Blue-eyeze.

Why he'll win: He's earnest. He has a radio-ready voice. He has a secret dark past that producers don't want you to learn about. He thinks outside the box regarding song choices (see Owl City). And he's purty. At least I think so.

Why he won't: Dude can't sing in key. Kinda, you know, required for a singing comp.

Spirit of: Kris Allen's laid-back adorableness, with Amanda Overmyer's lack of pitch.

4. Didididididi Benamimimimimimi.

Why she'll win: She's a less threatening (read: more conventionally pretty) version of Lilly Scott.

Why she won't: Did I say less threatening? I meant less... good.

Spirit of: Brooke White, minus the 'tude.

5. Andrew Garcia.

Why he'll win: Did you hear Straight Up? I mean, did you hear it? We all know he's capable of surprising us and knocking homers out-da-park.

Why he won't: He reminds me of Danny Gokey. Also, remember Sundance Head and Chris Sligh? Me neither. (Well, I do, but that's because I'm an AI nerd.)

Spirit of: Kris Allen's pension for remixing (and, according to Kara, Adam Lambert, snuh???), Scott Savol's on-air "personality".

6. Michael Lynche

Why he'll win: This. Woman's. Work. I've been watching too much RuPaul's Drag Race because I just typed that thinking "You betta werrrrk." But seriously, song selection is important, and Big Mike showed that he has impeccable taste. Also, how much would it suck to send him home after he missed the birth of his child?

Why he won't: How much would it rule to send him home after he missed the birth of his child?

Spirit of: Ruben Studdard, sans the talent.

7. Casey James

Why he'll win: Despite Kara's fawning, CJ isn't half-bad. He's like Keith Urban, only uglier. I'm saying that's a compliment. Because I don't think that he'll get by on his looks, nor does he need to.

Why he won't: Kara likes him. Everyone hates Kara. Transitive property yadda yadda.

Spirit of: Ace Young's "looks." Michael Johns's "looks." Constantine Maroulis's "looks." Chris Richardson's "looks". All of their voices.

8. Lacey Brown

Why she'll win: She reminds me of a chinchilla. Maybe a hedge-hog.

Why she won't: That goes for her voice, too.

Spirit of: Megan Joy's flotsam, Amy Adams's hair, Nikki McKibbin's ungodly ability to advance, Vanessa Olivarez's star power. Jon-Peter Lewis's aw-shucks likeability.

9. Tim Urban

Why he'll win: Have you seen him shirtless?

Why he won't: Have you heard him sing?

Spirit of: Sanjaya's notoriety, with Haley Scarnato's attractiveness equivalent for boys. Both of their voices.

10. Paige Miles.

Why she'll win: She's got the blessing of Simon, and that's not an insignificant thing. As much as Randy and Kara (and Paula, still, I'm sure) think they matter, they don't. And during Paige's invite interview, Simon off-the-cuff said she was good. Il Divo aside, that means something.

Why she won't: Simon also said that about Carmen Rasmussen. (And, to be fair, Il Divo.)

Spirit of: Lil Rounds's unfulfilled promise of a good voice.

The requisite crappy people: What's his name and what's her face. Combined age: 26. Combined talent: Todrick Hall. ZING! The worst of Kevin Covais, Ramiele Malubay, and John Stevens, all rolled into one, well, two, totally not-read-for-prime-time contestants. Sorry, Aaron and Katie, give it a few years.

Cleaning Up House, Part Trois: LOST.

2010-03-14T18:51:00.000-04:00

Sophie, whoever she is, is a Mash-Up Master.

And...

And this is coming from someone who HATES Miley "Making Asian Stereotype Jokes and Not Apologizing for them Because Who Am I Really Offending?" Cyrus. So, good on ya Sophie.

From Vulture.

Cleaning Up House, Part Deux: The Price.

2010-03-14T10:53:00.002-04:00

The Price is Right kept me company many a sickday during the 11 o'clock hour when most channels decided that soaps were where it's at. Jokes on them now, right?!?!? Try the veal.

First, some fainting:

Second, worst bid ever:

And third, the type of run everyone dreams about:

Cleaning Up House, Part Un.

2010-03-13T15:00:00.005-05:00

I'm a busy boy. What? No really. I can't blog everything that passes my desk that I think it blogworthy. But it really doesn't matter, because everything I think is blogworthy is something that I've found on someone else's blog. Anyhoo, I have a bunch of stuff bookmarked... so I need to clear it out. Here's a bunch of stuff that at some point or another I thought was cool.

From Best Week Ever, the coolest homage (do you pronounce that word "ah-midge" or "oh-mahj"?) to one of the finest television shows of all time. Lar-Y!!!!:

Sure, Michelle Williams is adorez:

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

But she's no Yakko:

WOOT!!!

Get The Eff Out.

2010-03-11T22:48:00.002-05:00

Oh, America. What did you do? What did you DO? You kicked off Lily, Alex, and Katelyn? It's hard to believe that this is the same America that had the taste to put Kradam in the finals. Oy. Worst. Season. Ever.

The only thing that's saving the night is that I just made the connection that the last name of Amy on Project Runway is Sarabi... which is Simba's mom in the Lion King! I know so much useless trivia.

AI9: The Top 8 Guys, or How I'm Totally Unenthused.

2010-03-10T21:23:00.002-05:00

So... this is the last. The last round before we finally get to the Top 12. When we finally think that the singers might be good. Oh, if only. When... we finally think that Kara will say something smart? BWAHAHAHAHA. Wow. This really is teh season of teh suck hard. Just give Crystal Bobby-sox the dumpy trophy that Kris got last year, some more teeth whiteners, and pictures of Tim Urban to keep her warm at night.

Well, here we go:

1. Leeeeee Dewyze. He's singing that stupid Firefly song. This is so odd, with his growl. He sings sharp. But that blue shirt does make his eyes pop. So dreamy. Did he sing a song? I can't remember. All I want to know is what dark past he's hiding. Snuh?!?! Where am I?

2. Alex Lambert. It is SO odd that his name is Lambert. Oh!!!! He's singing that song where the dog can't sleep because he's worried about his bone! PUPPIEEEEEEEZZZZ!!!! This is really good, though. And Alex is starting to grow on me. He's got the tone -- he's got the innocence -- he's almost got it. And he has dimples! He just needs to smile more!

3. Tim Urban. Take off your shirt. Take. Off. Your. Shirt. Shirt. Off. Off. So the guy who isn't the guy from the Apprentice (back when that show actually had normal people on it) is trying to pull a Jason Castro. It's pleasant enough, but this song, this Jeff Buckley song is one of the most wrenching out there. And he just doesn't have the depth to pull it off. Though, if he sang it shirtless, maybe. Ellen just gave him a hug. ROFLCOPTER. No one is immune to the shirtless wonder. Thing is, with all the notoriety of how bad he is... this might be enough to get him through to the finals.

4. Andrew Garcia. The once and future frontrunner. Now he's doing Genie in a Bottle, one of the best songs of all time. (I'm totally serious.) He's doing the same thing he always does --- takes a pop song and acoustifies it. It's just not... surprising anymore. I want him to come out and just sing a song as is. Like a bagel with nothing on it, and not toasted. This was more successful than his recent efforts, though, so good on him.

5. Casey James. Have you notice that when it sings, it tremors its head in front of the microphone. There it goes. There it goes again. It's like he has a mild muscular disorder that keeps him from keeping his head in one place. KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON! That's me being happy for him -- this was good. I give Casey a lot of crap for being ugly, but I've got to say, he's been consistently good with his acoustic-country vibe. Dare I say I like him? What'll you give me?

6. Aaron Kelly. And we're back. The the guys sucking. SO CLOSE. We had, like, 5 decent perfs, and that includes the biggest stumbling block of Tim Hotguy. But oh, this is just Lonestar minus the tone, pitch, emotion, and clear skin. That was not good at all.

7. Todrick Hall. WHOA. He's going to try and pull off a GLEE song??? With Adam Lambert lighting? And Adam Lambert squealing? Dude. I thought there was nothing worse than doing a Kelly Clarkson song on AI. I was wrong. He's doing a GLEE song. The only thing -- the only thing I like about that show -- he's doing it. Jebus. If your name isn't Adam, you can't pull off Queen (even I thought that Krissy-Poo kinda didn't fit in last year -- shock! gasp! w/e, I love Krissssss). His voice is pleasant, but it doesn't have the edge needed.

8. Michael Lynche. YIKES!!! He's singing Kate Bush!!!!!!! WOW. Okay, I might not like the guys this season, but they chose some amazing songs tonight. Kate Bush? Queen's Somebody to Love? Hallelujah? The Firefly song? The worrying puppy song? Genie in a Bottle? And now he's singing a glory note. I love this song so much. And he rocked it out. WOW. I have to give him kudos for that. That was a risk. And it paid off. I can't believe he just pulled it off.

BEST: Big Mike. By a lot. No one else is worth putting in this category.

WORST: Aaron. Tim. Todrick.

Going home: Aaron ... Todrick. Tim is going to skirt through on the strength of Ellen's hug -- the hug that transcended sexuality itself.

AI9: The Top 8 Girls, Or How We're So Close To The Finals, Where People Are Good? Yeah. Right.

2010-03-09T20:48:00.002-05:00

First week, I was 2 for 4 for my predictions. Last week, I was 4 for 4 (even I was kinda surprised at how I did). How will this week go?

1. Katie Stevens. Again, why would you ever sing a Kelly Clarkson song? You're just asking to be compared unfavorably to one of the best Idols ever. Plus, you know, she is more off-pitch than an old fart throwing out the first ball in the World Series. That. Was. Horrible.

2. Siobhan Magnus. I pronounce her name as Sy-o-ban. Magneto is pulling out an oldie -- with an a capella opening! Dope is right, Randy! Ugh, I just agreed with Randy. I have to admit, chillz, from the slow-talker. I'm a fan. That was really, really good. The nicest thing I can say is that I actually want to hear what the judges have to say. Except Simon is wrong. I just agreed with Randy over Simon. I'm getting sick.

3. Lacey Brown. She's totally singing on borrowed time. If you can call it singing. But, you know, this song fits her voice really well -- and the warble warble of her vibrato actually kinda works her. That was cute. Not great -- but cute. She's been sucking hard -- I don't know if this was enough to overcome her slow start.

4. Katelyn Epperly. I hate this song. I also am hating her hair. She's got this amazing Felicity type bob of curls, and she seems like she's Drew Barrymore-ing it every performance. I do like the little hitch in her voice though. But, yeah, I hate this song, and it totally does not work for her.

SB: I like these Kris Allen commercials - but it does remind me that (a) he needs his second single to be released and (b) his tour is shaping up -- and it's all crap! Nothing in the DC area!

5. Didi Benami. Wow. We really have no big voiced divas this season. There are a bunch of soulful folk singers though -- Didi, Lily, Crystal. Lacey and Katelyn to some extent. It sort of makes me fall asleep.

6. Paige Miles. Probably the closest this season has to a power singer. Yikes, she's singing this song like she's ready to cut herself. It's all over the place -- she's singing like Jessica Simpson looking for a clue. Never quite there, although the effort is there. Sort of. Oh, I can't take it. And the last note just nailed her coffin shut.

7. Bowersox!!! Ooh, she's doing Tracy Chapman. I never thought about it before -- but this is absotively perfect for her. Every time she sings during this dreadful season (yes, I just pulled a Simon and said dreadful), it's like taking Whitestrips to Crystal's teeth. Just clears it all up. SO GOOD! That last little run was like so awesomely melisma, without being melismatic. I would love to see her sing Fast Car. She even has the name of someone who's a star!

8. Lily Scott. Doing Patsy Cline. REALLY? Jebus, we really are in American Idol: A Mighty Wind. I mean, I like it and all, but it's weird -- I just don't know how the contestants are going to be able to adapt to all the different styles of the finals.

BEST: Bowersox. Siobhan. (I feel like this is going to be a recurring thing.)

WORST: Paige. Katie.

GOING HOME: Paige . . . and um . . . it's either Katie or Lacey. Let's go with Paige and Katie. I think that Lacey is going to overstay her welcome for a few weeks in the finals.

Even Though I Read For A Living, I Like Reading For Pleasure. Sue Me.

2010-03-09T09:34:00.001-05:00

I haven't done book reviews in a while. Here's a bunch I recently finished:

The Road. Cormac McCarthy.
I always liked Cormac McCarthy's name. Cormac. Imagine growing up with that doozy of a moniker! I've also read his book All the Pretty Horses, which is solid. Anyhoo, The Road is about a post-apocalyptic world blah blah snore. We've seen that all elsewhere. What makes the book amazing though is the writing itself. Now hold up, it's not often when the structure of the prose itself is something that makes me stop and think. I always thought that was a just a dumb doohicky nubbin-type superfluousness that middle school English teachers assigned to make you think you think they were smart (because, really, what do you do, with a B.A. in English? <---NAME THE REFERENCE!!!!). But The Road is crunchy and helps to paint a picture that would be woefully inadequate via descriptions alone. To wit, here's one of my favorite lines: "The blackness he woke to on those nights was sightless and impenetrable. A blackness to hurt your ears with listening." In this case, it's all about the how, not the what, of the story. Totes recommended.

Slaughterhouse-Five. Kurt Vonnegut.
I would love to have read this as part of a class -- maybe like 11th grade, when I felt like it was okay to care about school, and not 9th grade where I still acted aloof because I didn't want to be tagged as an even bigger nerd than I already was. I like S-5; there was symbolism with every line written, but not in a purple, bloated way. Reading it casually is tough, because I'm often too tired to think about what I'm reading (preferring Sparknotes lite, i.e., wikipedia summaries). But I think I caught most of it, and it's kind of a cool coincidence that I read it right when I listened to a RadioLab podcast about a theory of the universe as a multiverse. They go hand in hand. It's far too nerdy to get into here, so I won't. Mostly because I'm lazy. Remember, I embrace my nerdiness now, so that's not it.

The Hunger Games. Suzanne Collins.
AMAZING! It's surprising, I know, that I hate Twilight. And it's not just because I'm a sci-fi geek and think that sparkly vampires are stoopid. I tried reading the first book and just hated myself more and more with each passing page until I had to just put the durn pile of poop down. It sits, unfinished, on my shelf, as a symbol of me growing up -- right next to a rubber duckie. But then I read about THG in EW as another YA brouhaha. It's about a post-apocalyptic dystopia in which teens are thrown into a battle royale extravaganza. And it's awesome. So I've regressed back to being 14 years old. But at least stuff happens in this book. There's actual action, and the confusion of being a teen is rendered far more palpably here than in some Twilight "book" where a chick's pining for a dude who might kill her. Although, come to think of it, this book has that, too, only it doesn't seem like a sales trap intended to get tween gyrlz to shell out their money. My only prob? That book 2 is NOT on Kindle yet, and that book 3, the conclusion, isn't being published until this August. What am I supposed to do? Read more Vonnegut or sumthin' smrtypants like that?

The Girl With the Dragan Tattoo. Stieg Larsson.
I'm just going to put this out there and see what happens: This book was terrible. Remember how when Harry Potter really hit the zeitgeist, the third book had already been published? And then when the Goblet of Fire was ready to print -- it ended up being twice as long as any of the previous volumes? It needed editing. As good as a writer as J.K. is, her celebrity allowed her to override any major edits, and you could see it. The book rambled a bit. The thing was -- that's what audiences wanted. By that point, J.K. had absolutely earned our trust and so thoroughly and convincingly created this alterna-world where Harry, Hermy-One-Kenobi, and Ginger Lad ruled, that we just wanted more of that world.

TGWTDT is basically a rambling fourth book in a series, except that it's the first book of the actual series. It presents a mystery set in Sweden against a backdrop of corporate corruption and dark family secrets. Sounds saucy, right? Except that the plotlines don't really have anything to do with each other, and they don't add up to anything profound either. Bookending the central mystery (which isn't really set-up or solved until at least 300 pages in -- I'm not kidding) is a vendetta that we learn about only in the context of a trial verdict. In other words, there is nothing that makes us care about that, but we keep plugging along reading about how the protagonist goes to the market -- and doesn't learn anything about the mystery. Over and over.

This book is one of those great publishing stories of an author who posthumously gets published and garners wide acclaim and sales. Too bad the book sucks. This was a HUGE disappointment.

Oscars 2010: My Super Awesome Take.

2010-03-08T11:31:00.001-05:00

Here's how I viewed the Oscars last night, in my own, completely inappropriate and out-of-right-field sort of way.

AWESOMENESS.

NPH - I mean, why the F not?
Sandra Bullock's dress - After an awards season of less than stellar gowns, SB knocked it out.
Sandra Bullock's speech - And whether she actually deserved the award this year or not, her speech was gracious, funny, touching, sarcastic, and not too long.
Colin Farrell... twice! First, he's in the clip for Best Song singing "The Weary Kind." Second, he's presenting to Jeremy Renner (and awkwardly, not to his co-star Jeff Bridges - wtf?) and talking about spooning in Mexico. Switch out Jeremy for Zacquisha, and this would be at the top of the Awesome List.
Queen Latifah making big girls look good. As much as I hate Queen Latifah for terrible acting and dynamic-less "singing," she looked scrumptious last night.

SUCKY THINGS.

They drag first-time nominee (!), living legend, and 80-year old Christopher Plummer to the Oscars for a 3.5 hour show -- where he knows he's going to lose. And then they present his award first. I love Christoph Waltz, but that's just cruel.
When Babs said, "Well the time has come," before announcing the Best Director winner. That wasn't cool. It left Lee Daniels hanging on by his fingernails to slim hope, even though everyone knew it was K. Big's.

Small redemption: that K. Bigs decided to honor the troops instead of honoring female directors. Nice save.

Up in the Air, the best film of last year, takes nothing, losing in the biggest upset of the night in Adapted Screenplay to Precious.

And therefore I lost my office pool by one point.

The utter predictability of most of the categories. What's the point anymore, if the pre-cursor awards give everything away? All I can do is snark about the celebrities. That gets tiresome.

AND RANDOM-OCITY.

Judd Nelson looks wrecked.
Ferris Bueller has not aged.

Alec Baldwin has . . . but in a good way.
George Clooney has . . . but in a bad way.

Macauley Culken apparently visits the same radiation chamber that Brian Williams does to melt his face. Is that a thing?
Is Jaws a horror movie?

Is Silence of the Lambs? Because the Oscars gave a shout-out to The Exorcist as the last horror movie to be honored.

Did anyone else secretly (or openly) want Zacquisha and Stretch Armstrong to present together?
I desperately hope that Gabby Sidibe has a decent career and not flame out like Catalina Sandina Moreno or Keisha Castle-Hughes.
Whatever metal plate Charlize Theron has in her neck that pushes her head forward like a Walking Bangle (<--get it?) has apparently infected Jake Gyllenhaal.
May I please remind Penelope Cruz -- stop speaking English. You are only good when speaking Spanish. Ever.

I Refuse To Join Twitter, Even Though I Follow People On It And This Post Is Fewer Than 140 Characters Long.

2010-03-06T15:49:00.001-05:00

I kind of want a curling rock. No particular reason. They just seem cool.

I Can't Be The Only One.

2010-03-05T09:27:00.001-05:00

This weekend, Tim Burton's 87 billionth reimagining-nessness will be applied to Alice in Wonderland, which stars Johnny Depp as Carrot Top, sans freakishly toned muscles. It also stars a newcomer named Mia Wasikowska. But everytime I see promos for the movie, I keep thinking that it's starring Mike Wazowski. We are in Burton-ville after all, so it's not that far of a stretch.

AI9: The Top 10 Girls, or How Bowersox Is BACK!

2010-03-03T23:57:00.009-05:00

1. Crystal Bowersox. She's first! She has a twin named "Carl" who she called a square. Yes, if your name is "Carl" you are a square. Oooh... Crystal just dissed Simon. Love it! She's sassy. Oh, she's so good. Dude. For realzies. Whatever sickness she had is like when Phoebe caught a cold and just sounded sexier. This sounds professional. This is amazing. Whoa -- the judges did a 180. I'm sorry. Just give her the crown. She's so natural and unironic.

2. Haeley Vaughn. Lispy the lisper. She's singing Miley. This actually isn't that bad. I mean, it's bad -- but not bad. It's basically like Miley -- passable, with no emotion and no connection. Wait, now she' going flat. Is she also all leg? I take it all back -- she can't sing.

3. Lacey Brown. Adorable Lacey. She's like the Snuggle Bear minus the creepy Chucky vibe. She's singing Sixpence None the Richer. And this is kinda cool. She needs to emote more, and show more range. Her shoulder pads are distracting.

4. Katie Stevens. The favorite of the producers. She has some pronounced eyebrows. What's the big deal with her? Her interview package is a little awesome. She's coming across as a sweet 17-year old. Nice. Oh, and Ryan just did a disingenuous chuckle. Side note, I miss Paula and her wacky dancing to the most undanceable songs. I have a feeling that if she were here, she'd be headbangin' to K'Steve. She's not bad, but I don't know that she excelled tonight.

5. DD Konami. Normally I'd write her off, but there's something going on with her. I like her. But I don't think it's going to be one we'll talk about tomorrow.

6. Michelle Delamar. Seriously, a poor man's Jordin.

7. Lilly Scott. Sorry Kara, this is not a "Moment." Do your homework.

8. Katelyn Epperly. Oooh good song. The Scientist. This is .... really good. WHAT IS GOING ON? THE GOILZ ARE TOTES BREAKIN' IT DOWN TONIGHT! Okay -- it's a little lounge singerish, but this is still good.

9. Paige Miles. What is Simon picking at? Dry skin on his ankle? Why would you ever sing a Kelly Clarkson song on AI? Still, Paige is working it out.

10. Boston Girl Who Talks Like She's Thinking Really Hard. Yes. Siobhan!

Best: Crystelline Bowser-sox, Siobhan, Katelyn.

Worst: Michelle, Haeley.

Going Home: Michelle, Haeley.

[EDIT: If you read my first version of this post... um... yeah. Sorry! But I hope you had fun anyhoo.]

AI9: The Top 10 Guys, Or How Bowersox Got Sick.

2010-03-02T23:25:00.003-05:00

Hi, Ryan Seacrest! So Bowersox got illz, and now the boyz are going to go first. Uh oh, Comcast didn't get the memo. My DVR tells me that it's still the goilz. So I'm live-blogging this, but not -- meaning that I'm not watching the live airing, but I'm blogging live. What? So confused. DVR is a wonderful thing. First impression... did Randy and Ellen switch places? Down is UP!

1. Big Mike. Do you think that Big Mike likes being called Big Mike? Does it put pressure on him to stay big? Oh BM, he's a regular old Troy circa HSM. He wants to be both a jock and a sensitive artiste. But still... he wasn't there for the birth of his first kid. Now he's singing about this being a man's world. This fits his voice pretty well, actually. I'm too tired to listen to the judges. But I will say this -- Randy's blue cardy is blending too much into the background.

2. John Park. Oh, he's singing a song by that star-whore John Mayer! This is the second ballad in a row that he's sung -- he's going for the ultimate cheese vote I guess. Why not just go full-on Unchained Melody? So the problem I have with his voice is it's like a viola. It's pretty, but indistinct. At a JP concert, he'd be putting people to sleep.

3. Casey. You know, if he cut his hair, and got in shape, and looked like Colin Farrell, he'd actually be hot. He pronounces "TV" by emphasizing the "T". That's weird. Oh crapo, he's singing a song done waaaaayyyy too many times on AI. That was a pretty endearing intro segment, though. Can he actually sing? He's sort of talk-singing. It's like what people who can't sing do when they get on Broadway. Whoa, but now he's going all Guitah Hero on us. And we melt into the amber waves of his hair.

4. Adam Lambert. I mean, Alex Lambert. HE'S NELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nell. Like, Jodie Foster Nell. Nell. He made up his own language. WOW. Andrew Garcia and Big Mike are snuggling. You know that Ryan just wants to jump into all of that. Wait. This is actually pretty good. Alex, yes Alex--not Adam--is singing a John Legend song. And it's good. There's something, dare I say it -- Paul McCartney about him? Ok, he shouldn't have did that falsetto. But this was good. You can see that he is improving. Yeah, and the judges are recognizing it. Not too shabby. Oh, and now Kara is pulling out the pity. I hate her. And now Simon just straight up told him the truth. That was good.

Side note: I heard that Alice in Wonderland is basically just an action flick.

5. Todrick Hall. There's something about his... like, are they gheri curls? I can't tell. Nutcracker! Either way. I don't like him. He just comes off as arrogant. He just said "platform." You know, this is the big difference between someone like him and someone like Alex Lambert, who really wouldn't have been found without this show. I'm sorry. I just don't like these established performers as much as those whose lives actually change. Last week, Toddy effed with Kelly, and now he's effing with Tina. This is just too R&B schmaltzy. Like, Courtyard Marriott quality. Toddy's fist pumping is out of synch! I thought he was a dancer! Lame. Hated it.

6. Simpsons Character! Jermaine Sellers or something. Seriously, look at the proportions of his face. It's weird. "It opens you up." I. Bet. HwAH? "You just have to take it . . . ." Lulzworthy. Yikes, the fauxhawk went out in 2003, dude. I get the onesie irony, but come on. You know, he reminds me of Corey Clark, the one that Paula felt up. Er, allegedly felt up. This isn't a compliment. Shot of Lee in the background looking hot and gloomy. *Swoon*. Jermaine, that wasn't bad, but I'm not going to remember that tomorrow morning.

7. Ethnic Danny Gokey! (Andrew Garcia). It's like how Allison Iraheta is an ethnic Kelly Clarkson. Dude. Andrew is a chunky guy, but he can move. Wow. I feel bad, he reminds me of Danny, so I don't like him, but he doesn't seem like Evil Gokes at all. YEEEKS. He is all over the map with the pitch. He can't find the pitch. He's flat... like, really really flat. This was not very good. And Randy totally CALLED HIM OUT ON IT. Nice. Asian Rihanna is part of Andrew's family?!?!?!? Ellen hit it on the head -- he might be sabotaged just by the fact that he was so good during Hollywood week. It's the Sundance Head problem.

8. Aaron Kelly. Aw, littl'un pronounces "pictures" as "pitchers." PUPPIEZZZZ!!!! He's singing and dancing like he's gotta pee like a vache. That's French for cow for you heathens. I think Simon just thinks Aaron is his ticket to the Disney/Nickolodeon goldmine that awful people like Demi Lovato and Miley Cyrus live in. I hate Miley Cyrus. Did Aaron just go through puberty on that last note?

9. Tim Urban, the shirtless wonder! Tim has no upper lip like Mark Lynn-Baker. Look it up.

[EDIT: I was looking up some old posts to see my first impressions of some of these guys. Apparently I assumed/guessed that Tim was like Zac Efron but without the body. Boy how wrong I was.]

Side note: KRIS ALLEN COMMERCIAL!!!!! Love it.

10. ***Lee***. Oh, my Lee Dewyze. He's my pseudo-Kris Allen during this horrible, horrible season. He's like a huggable penguin (yes, one might even compare him to Hugsy, Joey's bedtime penguin pal). He's got the pimp spot. Doesn't he seem like the most earnest guy ever? Is that what I like about him? Hmm... also, he looks like Kris. So there's that. WOW. Back lighting much? This sounds totally current. This is good. Like, really good. Judges are glowing. "You may be the one to beat" - Simon. "But we like you" - Kara. Oh, Kara, you are so very stupid.

Best: Lee, easily. (Leesily?) Big Mike and Adam/Alex Lambert are very close behind.

Worst: Todrick, Andrew, and Aaron.

Going home: Jermaine and John. Sometimes being forgettable is worse than being bad.

Yet Another Round Up O'Vidz.

2010-03-01T22:29:00.002-05:00

First, we got an amazing reimagining of Community as Friends. I miss Friends. That was a quality show. Back when there was hope for grown-up life being awesome.

Second, we got Weekend At Bernie's reimagined as if it were directed by Tim Burton. Which would NEVER happen. You know. Because Tim Burton NEVER reimagines, like, everything.

Third, dude. I thought my ugrad was hardcore. Seriously, they can find you even where the CIA can't. But at least they don't threaten your life.

And this is ridiculous. So it's awesome.

Openminded.

2010-03-01T09:58:00.001-05:00

I am admittedly not a NASCAR fan. I don't really get it as a "sport."

But regardless, is Danica Patrick even good? Is there any point to following her fail week after week?

AI9: The Top 12 Guys.

2010-02-24T23:46:00.002-05:00

It's late. I'm cranky. And I just ate a gajillion dark choco m&m's. I can't be bothered with 2 hours of blather, so I'm only going to watch the perfs themselve. That means no golden pearls (is that a thing) of wisdom from Randy. Yeah, no snark from me tonight, Kara. Well, maybe some.

1. Todrick Hall. Adam 2.0? If you Google him, you'll see that he cheats little guppies out of their money. And now he's cheating our ears of one of the sweetest pop songs ever. Boo.

2. Aaron Kelly. David Archuleta 2.0? Well, he's not gasping. And he's not adorable in a way that only puppies and bows can be. Oh he's also out of tune. And his falsetto isn't. Yikes, I just want to take his spikey hair and stab him to make it stop. Is he cute enough for the tweens? GRAWD I hopes not.

3. Simpsons Character (Jermaine something or other). Seriously, his eyes are so far apart, like Homer after a bender. Is he wearing tails? His upper register is like scratches on a chalkboard. Do those even exist anymore? Everyone has white boards. Hated it.

The best part of this so far are the Kris Allen Ford commercials.

4. Tim Urban. Not the dude from the Apprentice. I really think that if he cut his hair, he'd be the best looking dude. And that can get you pretty far in a tv competition. He's effing up the falsetto parts. Why would you choose a song that you fundamentally can't sing? Also, that 80's jacket and those skinny jeans have got to go.

5. Joe Munoz. So heeeeeere's the first cannon fodder. You can't discount him for that (after all Kris was). Can you hear him? Is he singing in a microphone? Oof, he's off the key and off the beat. Can I make a latino joke about The Rhythm needing to get him? This is painful. Like, not even Menudo (that means tripe!) would take him. Well. Cannon fodder it be.

6. TYLER GRADY! Love him. He's basically Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. He doesn't have quite the same presence as Chris Daughtry or Bo Bice, but he's likable. Also, he's chosen the first interesting song.

Time check: 20 minutes!

7. LEE DEWYZE! He's my Kris 2.0. He's got a Sundance Head type voice, and the chunky cuteness of David Cook. Let's hope he's good. I'm kinda diggin this. His tone is so scratchy -- I can't tell if he's in tune or not. Hmmm... I kinda want to know what the judges will say. AND SIMON AGREEZ WITH ME. Also, he just put his guitar pick in his mouth. That's kinda adorable. Huggigigiigigigigigigigigiiigi.

8. Korean Guy (John Park). Apparently wind is always blowing on him from his left, our right. He starts out by singing something... and it sounds like it's in Korean. Sigh, not a good day for the Koreans. (Harrumph to you, short trackers.) He's doing too many runs. I think he'd do better with some power notes instead. He's like a viola -- it's a great sound, but it's hard to project and appreciate. He's got to step out.

9. Dude Who Wasn't There For His Daughter's Birth. That's really hard for me to accept. Why is the Michelin Man singing Maroon 5? And why does he pronounce "wings" as "weengz"? It's a singing comp, not a squinting comp dude. It's not bad overall though.

10. Generic White Boy (Alex Lambert). MULLET! Oh dude, that is sick. Love love love it. Seriously, Simon, if you're name isn't Kris Allen, you aren't allowed to have your shirt down that low. Oh dear. This dude is way too country bumpkin. It's like he's seeing a toaster for the first time. Wow. A toaster. That was terrible.

11. Ugly Dude (Casey James). Oh Kara. You might be an idiot, but you are objectively hot. You can do better than this dude (I'd hope). This dude is a robot - he's smiling through every lyric. Where's the emotion? Where's the heart? AARGH. I hate it when singers don't know how to emote. Also, when they can't sing vibrato. Dude, just go feather your hair and pretend you have a prayer at life.

12. And the pimp spot goes to... Andrew Garcia. QUEL SURPRISE. Not. Dude is so likable. He's like the anti-Gokey. I love this song -- yes, the emo version. And he's stripping it down. He did this before with Straight Up. So the problem is that this isn't surprising. And not as effective. It's too bad. He needs to show that he can just sing. Think when Kris sang To Make You Feel My Love. Still, this dude is clearly the frontrunner for both genders.

The Best: Andrew, Lee.
The Worst: Aaron, Jermaine, Tim, Joe, Alex. Yes. I just put FIVE people in the bottom. These dudes are just awful.

The judges totally stacked this season for the girls to win... except I think that the best guys are better than the best girls.

Going home: Tim and Joe.

Side note: Who can't wait to see Bowersox do a group number? Lulz.

Yeah, Yeah, I'll Blog About AI9 In A Second.

2010-02-24T22:42:00.001-05:00

I can't believe that the Korean Women got DQ'd in the 3000m relay. I've seen a lot of bumps, and this one was NOT impeding. The Korean had the inside track, and the Chinese skated into her outstretched right arm. Not cool, Mr. Referee.

First the men fumbled a potential sweep (allowing Ohno to medal no less), and now this? CLEAN UP THE SLOPPINESS, KOREA.

AI9: The Top 12 Girls.

2010-02-23T22:49:00.002-05:00

And we're BACK! It's been about a year since Krissy-poo saw the man in the mirror and Adam made googly eyes at Kris. Oh how things have changed. I mean, come on, who would have thought . . . that RANDY WOULD BE COHERENT?!?!?!?!?!?!? Unbelievable.

1. Paige Mills. She chooses to try and get handclaps going, except she forgets she's still carrying the mike. Dude. Stop. The chorus sort of sucks, but that glory note is ok. Now, the first time we see the judges -- TOO MANY JUDGES.

2. Jelly Bean Head. Singing a Leona Lewis song? Did she not know that Simon Cowell sort of discovered her? This is the first time that I notice that Randy actually says something coherent. Down is up, up is down! Oh, and Guy Smiley is terrible.

3. Janelllllllle Wheeeeeler. She wants to "light up on that stage." I bet. I don't get teh black spanx, and I don't get why a singer-songwriter would do Heart. Maybe if she Allen-ized it, but this isn't good.

4. Tilda Swinton. Is she British? I can't tell. But it's so affected. I like this neo-soul stuff, though, but I just don't know if this'll work on AI. Some people hate this stuff, and it could get tired after a while. Remember when Madonna was British? Yeah, that got annoying fast. Her parents have the same beady eyes. Wow.

5. Katelyn Epperly. I love this song, "O Darling." Her Felicity-hair is rocking, but her wax lips are ugerly. Simon calls her messy, Randy likes her tone, and Ellen says she pushed too much. They are all correct, which is weird. Notice that Kara is not included in this list. Because Kara is stupid.

6. Black Taylor Swift. I just think that if you're 11 years old, you are not allowed to say you've been dreaming of something your entire life and have that mean anything. Also, is it really a dream come true to be in the semi-finals? I think the dream should be getting to the finals. You know, the way Kris Allen did. Because he's awesome. And stop screaming: "AAAAAAAHAHHHHHHHHHHH Wanna Hold Your Hand!" I want you to fix your lisp. Also I want to know who's writing Randy's words because he just had another good piece of advice telling BTS to lower the key.

7. LACEY BROWN . . . is terrible. OMG. She's the cutest thing ever, but she's terrible. She's British, and southern, and phrases her songs like Charlie Brown's mother. Oooh. I'm not hopeful.

8. Thin Jordin Sparks. Hey. It's the semis. I don't have enough time to learn their names. Let's see, she's good, but I think she'd do better, you know, in Seasons 1-4, when you only had to sing, and you didn't have to rearrange songs. Also, she sings without dynamics, like Queen Latifah. Ooh, double-diss.

9. Didi Benami. I'd call her Crying Girl, but her name reminds me of Konami video games (up up down down left right left right B A start). Also, she's wearing a rainbow tortilla. That makes me hungry. I like this. It's a good starting point, but she def has room to grow over the season. I like the tone of her voice.

10. Siobhan. Um. I know I shouldn't make a joke about her slow talking, but she does sound like David Archuleta with one less chrome. She seems sweet though (and dumb) and sings well. She basically just needs to never talk. Sort of like Allison Iraheta. Play up the dork angle (as if she can help it) and she just might go far.

11. Bowersox. Bowersox. Nescafe? Did someone take a baking soda SOS pad to her teeth? They are still yellow, but at least they aren't the same shade of chestnuts and poop. I love that she just said that she needs a bigger paycheck. That's so refreshing. I'VE GOT CHILLS! I don't care what the judges say, I liked it. And I can tell that there's only better things to come. My hope is that her disdain for this competition doesn't come bite her in the behind.

12. Katie Stevens. Ugh, she's singing a song that's too old for her. She's not so cloying, which is good, but I don't get that she'll Jordin Sparks her way to the top. The judges like her, but I feel like they like her in a Jasmine kind of way (that girl who was "so commercial" last season, was 12 years old, and didn't make it past any round by America's vote -- the judges just couldn't let it go).

The Best: Bowersox, Didi, and Tilda Swinton (Lilly Scott).

The Worst: Jelly Bean (Ashley Rodriguez), Janelle, BTS (Hayley Vaughn), and, sadly, LACEY BROWN!

Going home: Paige and Ashley.

[Editor's note: BTW, I'm typing this while watching the Ladies' Short Program at the Olympics. Mao Asada just brung it. Kim Yu-Na just slapped her down. Dan Jansen just spoke with true grace. And Joannie Rochette just make me shed a tear. I can't wait for the Long Program.]

A Really Good Speech.

2010-02-23T10:05:00.000-05:00

Every so often, I come across a speech that really, really moves me. There was Conan's Harvard Class Day speech. There was David Foster Wallace's Kenyon College speech. And now, I've found Robert Krulwich's CalTech speech.

In a nutshell, it focuses on the communication of scientific ideas to laypersons, and the non-trivial importance of that act. On its face, it seems like Krulwich is asking us to yet again dumb down science, which is apropos in this age of soundbites and in-your-face marketing, but he's not. It's about staying connected. So many elitists are ready to leave behind the chaff if they aren't willing to follow, or at least make an effort. But those who start responses with "Alls I know is..." aren't the enemies. And I think that's reallyt the heart of this speech.

I kind of like that.

I wish that I could find a transcript so that you could read it, but it's not too long and worth listening to.

AI9: The Top 24 -- Boys Edition.

2010-02-22T15:02:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I ran down the girls... with my car. Try the veal! I'm here all night. Now it's the boys -- and my incredibly scientific take on who's in it and who's out it.

Aaron Kelly

Ugh. Everyone is saying he's like a mashup of Kevin Covais and David Archuleta. First, I hate mashups (yes, even the ones that K-Sizzle does don't sit well with me). Second, Aaron Kelly is no David Archuleta. Maybe if you blended up some puppies and oreos for him to drink, or if you, you know, taught him how to sing without sounding like a bleating (or bleeding) lamb, the comparison would be apt. It's not. My only consolation is that this time, the producers stacked the boys with other non-threatening Zac Efron-esque white boys to split the vote. The key, then is to see which of the three will make it through and collect the remains of their fallen tween heartthrobs (squeeeeee!).

Alex Lambert

Here's heartthrob #2. His name is too much like Adam Lambert's for me to give him any unbiased assessment. He must go so that my tiny brain won't hurt.

Andrew Garcia

Ah, THE frontrunner. He's like Danny Gokey, but without all that smug unlikability and cloying douchiness. I pointed him out early on, but then again I think the entire interwebs did too.

Casey James

I don't get it. He's not hot. It's like Ace Young, Chris Richardson, and Michael Johns all over again. They aren't hot, and they can't sing.

Jermaine Sellers

He looks like a Simpsons character.

Joe Munoz

Who? Did Jorge Nunez make the Earth spin the other direction so that he can replay his very brief time on AI?

John Park

If I had a dime for every John Park that I've met in my life, I'd be a rich man. It's like naming your kid Muhammed Wang.

Lee Dewyze

I pointed Lee out, too. Mostly because I think he's cute, but I think that his voice is going to be a limitation in this type of competition. Think what's her name with the white streak down the middle of her skunk hair. He fits a type, but you need to be versatile to pull off an AI win.

Michael Lynche

I'm sorry, I don't think that American Idol is worth not being there for the birth of your first child. I know I shouldn't judge, but then again, you're going on a reality TV show so that we, the voting public can judge you. If there was ever a time where I can cast stones, it's now.

Tim Urban

The last minute replacement! And the third of the 3 Zac Efrons. Except how much do you want to bet that he doesn't have Zac's body? Also, I wonder if he has That 70's Show hair to cover a baldspot. I'm not digging T.Urb, can you tell?

Todrick Hall

And I'm definitely not digging Todrick Hall. He's already an established performer in the vein of Adam Lambert. No disrespect (because I've come to appreciate Glammykins -- mostly because Kris tells me to like him), but this is exactly the type of professional performer who shouldn't be on AI. My favorite AI seasons and contestants are those where earnest regular folk are given a break. Yes, I think that Adam Lambert -- and Todrick Hall -- are ridiculously talented, and probably the most talented singers in their seasons. But I think it completely takes away from the awesomeness of a show like AI, where you get Kelly, Ruben, Fantasia, Carrie, Taylor, Jordin, David, and Kris winning. These are people who didn't use AI as a "platform" but rather used it as a lottery ticket. And that's so much awesomer than anything the producers can concoct for us to swallow blind.

Tyler Grady

I also pointed him out early on, too, although I didn't remember his name. Go, Tyler, go, go, go Tyler....

And that's that. Tomorrow, we finally get to see what these peeps are truly made off. I'm such a dork, but I can't wait.

AI9: The Top 24 -- Girls Edition.

2010-02-21T20:28:00.002-05:00

This is it, ladies and germs, the semi-finals of AI. This is the round that gave us Kradison, and where it first became clear last season that the producers no longer are even trying to hide the fact that they want us to vote a very specific way.

So we're back to the top 24 thing where they shave people off two by two. I don't know that I like this better than the top 30 or top 36 format. There's something way more dramatic of having to really be the best to get into the finals. Doing the semis in the same style takes away from the Survivor-ness that is so cool about the finals. Others will disagree -- the main argument is that this allows the audience to get to know all the contestants better. But I contend that after seasons 1, 2, 3, and 8, the top 30/36 format is superior.

Anyway, here's the womyns for this week, with my thoughts. And remember, I picked Kelly and Kris before they were famous, so I'm smrt.

Ashley Rodriguez

She reminds me of Guy Smiley from Sesame Street. I'll wait while you Google. It's the ginormous fivehead. Am I right? Yeah.

Crystal Bowersox

My hope is that just as they turned Clay Aiken into a halfway presentable foetus, they can pin C.B. down with some Crest Whitestrips and spit-shine this piece of silver. This one is one to watch out for. Buzz is huge.

Didi Benami

The One Who Cried. And the one who sang a Kara song. NoBo aside, Kara isn't a bad songwriter, so it's not terrible that she chose this route. But the last time I got my hopes up over a sweet singer like this, it turned out she sucked (Hi Anne Marie Boskovich!), and before that, it turned out she had an attitude (Hi Brooke White!). I like her, but I'm not holding my breath.

Haeley Vaughn

I.e., the black Taylor Swift. That's not a good thing.

Janell Wheeler

Now this one is the spitting image of Amber Heard, who's a natural actress, but completely devoid of charisma. We're talking, like, hole-in-the-ozone layer dull. Like, Bill Pullman dull.

Katelyn Epperly

Here's something interesting. I pointed out Katelyn as one of my favorites from the audition episodes. And then a week later, I gave her props again -- thinking that I didn't remember her. This basically is proof that she's forgettable. Or does it prove that I like her so much that I want to vote twice for her, Kris Allen style? I get the sense that she's the pretty girl that you hate because she's actually nice, and you want to stab her for being on the receiving end of Gifts from Both Hands.

Katie Stevens

One of the producers unholy chosen ones. As a result, I immediately don't like her. Will she turn out to be a Gokey douche? Or a Lil gonna-cut-a-hoe? Or an Adam okay-I begrudgingly-like-you? We'll see. But I don't have high hopes based on what I've seen.

Lacey Brown

FOR THE WIN. There is something about this girl. I've said it before -- there is something special here.

Lilly Scott

Who?

Michelle Delamour

Who?

Paige Miles

Who? Actually, in this case, I do want to know. Simon off the cuff said that she's good. Now, we've heard that before. Simon is the one who cho-o-o-o-o-ose Carmen Rasmussen. He tends to like gimmicky acts or uber-commercial ones more than straightforward solid performers. No disrespect to Paige, who is very attractive, she's no female Pocket Idol. So what is Simon hiding? This might be a situation where the top 24 format is superior -- the last time we had something like this was in Season 3 when Latoya London came out of nowhere to get into the finals. But her lack of an early push crushed her chances. I'm hoping Paige is similarly worthy.

Siobhan Magnus

Who?

So that's the round-up. I'll write one up for the boys, too, and then a wrap-up after each perf with predicks!!!!! So excited! This is where it gets good, and you just keep cutting yourself over and over saying that you'll never watch this trash again and that you are disappointed by American and that the producers stink and that this is the end of TV as we not and yadda yadda.

Twenty-Eight Something

Another Round Up of Thoughts and Feelings.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 10.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 9.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 8.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 7.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 6.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 5.

We Interrupt This Series of Videos...

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 4.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 3.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 2.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 1.

30 Days.

Reason 6,342,778 That Dunkin Donuts Is Superior To Starbucks.

Proof That DC Is Not A Food Mecca.

God Bless Southwest.

In Case Danny and Annie Wasn't Cute Enough For You.

Take a Break and Watch This.

Emptying Out My Mind.

Recently There Have Been A Slew Of Cute Animal Videos.

Fall Movies 2010

I Get It. I'm Old. Damn You, Beloit College!

Commenting on Life.

Lazy Lazy Lazy.

Mankind and Southwest Don't Fail Me Now.

Getting Older.

Old News. That's an Oxymoron.

Posting Videos Is Lazy Blogging.

I Hate the Emmys.

Terrible Music.

Doing My Part To Continue The Viral Vid Business.

Subway Is Apparently Uniquely American.

Phlegm. Flem. Boo.

I Take It Back.

I've Been Delinquent With the Posting.

Memories.

Yuppies.

It's Lee.

AI9: The Top 2... Which Means It's Almost Over!

WTF.

Potpourreeeeeee.

AI9: The Top 3 Make Me Believe It's Almost Over.

Apparently, They Keep Making These Things Called "Movies." And I Keep Watching Them. Or At Least Having Opinions About Them.

Illusions!

AI9: The Top 4 Prove that They Just Aren't the Same As Last Year's.

Vindication.

My Latest Podcast Recommendation.

Totally Worth Your Time.

WE MADE GAWKER!

AI9: The Top 5 Make My Ears Bleed.

I Miss Kris.

Bring It On, Says My Town.

Checking in With Far Too Many Reality Shows.

I'm Torn.

AI9: The Top 6 Sing -- Sigh -- Shania Twain.

I Know, I'm Posting This Late.

Cleaning Up House, Part Quatre.

I'm Not Crazy Or Anything.

Da Bay State.

AI9: The Top 7 Give Back.

Dude. Duke! Wash, Rinse, REPEAT.

I'm Going To Try And Watch Movies.

AI9: The Top 9 Rehash Themselves. Yet Again.

Another Slew of Muppetness.

The Best New TV Show of the Spring.

More On Duke.

AI9: The Top 9 Rehash a Theme. Again.

Things I Lurv Even More.

Things I Lurv.

AI9: I Can't Pretend that This Show Is Worth It Anymore.

AI9: The Top 10 Usher Ushers Some Terrible Singers.

Some More Dukeness.

FINAL FOUR BABY!!!

Manners.

My Best Friend Is an Ad Exec. I Hope He Didn't Do This One.

AI9: The Top 11 Learn from Miley Cyrus. I Wish That Were Ironic.

Planning Is Important.

AI9: Is American Idol Using Auto-Tune on the iTunes Live Performance Downloads?

AI9: The Top 12 Sing The Rolling Stones.