AI9: The Top 6 Sing -- Sigh -- Shania Twain.

Yeah, I'm lowering my expectations. Not only because this season is terrible (like, Taylor Hicks terrible), but because this theme could not be dumber. Shania Twain? Canadian country? Really? This whole songbook trend for themes has got to end. As does Randy's taste in sweaters.

Don't get me wrong. I like Shania. She likes the Asians. Just, like, really? As a theme?

1. LEEEEEEEEEE. He's harmonizing! Which is weird, because he doesn't really sing in tune. AND he's doing side-mouth singing. Not as cute as Krissy Allen Poohs, but close.

2. BIG MIIIIIKE. Look, I know that Mike means well, but dude just is uncontrollably cheesy. Everything about his just screams -- velvet. As if he's supposed to be Miss Kentucky in the Miss America Pageant. Totally just not my style. Although, yes, he sings more in tune more than Lee does.

3. KC. I feel like Shania is generally a good mentor. Do you think Casey has problems when it's really humid outside? Like his hair just goes all bouffant, and not in a good way? That was actually really good, except for his vibrato. And it's awesome that Shania is sitting next to a gnome.

4. MAMASOX!!! Omg, Ryan just made a crack about Shania's white teef in front of Crystal -- who used to have poopy coloured teef. Omg, I love Crystal. She just called out her bf for not getting down on one knee already. Grawd. Loves. Oh, is there someone blowing an empty moonshine jug? Or Steve Martin? This is so country fair. I love it. I hope other people love it, too.

5. AAAAAARON. Sigh, will I be missing anything if I just ff through his perf? Oh, please, as if he would ever disagree with her. He's 17 going on 13. Also, everyone who keeps comparing him to Archie: (1) he's not as good as Archie and (2) he's not nearly as adorable as Archie. Archie also has better hair. And laughs like he's being tickled by puppies. This perf is just so karaoke. There's nothing special about it whatsoever. I feel like people are cheering for him as if he took his first step. Like Bambi. Without being as cool. Yes, he's not as cool as Bambi. That's how much I don't care for him.

6. SIOBHAN. Oh, I love this song. This is one of the best Shania songs ever. Siobhan sounds amazing -- I'll give her that. She's even made up like Shania -- hair, get-up, etc. And she does her signature scream -- replete with end glory note. That was awesome. Cheesy, but in a good way, not a Big Mike way. Cheesy in a -- Shania way. SWEET. Punk country is right. That's what Magnus should do it.

Best: Siobhan.

Close: Casey (darn that stupid vibrato).

Good: Lee, Crystal.

Terrible: Mike, Aaron.

Bottom: Mike, Aaron, Casey. Although, I could see a shocker bottom 3 where Crystal is there instead of Casey.

Going home: Mike.