Emptying Out My Mind.

1. Blessed be whoever decided to release Mockingjay on Kindle at the same time as the regular hardcover release.  You are a colon among appendices.
2. Why is Justin Long a star?  
3. Why is Jay Baruchel?
4. I get Malin Ackerman and Emma Stone mixed up.  Somehow, I feel that that's not really a big deal.
5. I am totally Team Valerie on Project Runway.
6. I am totally Team Tiffany on Top Chef.
7. Forgive me, but my current pop culture obsession is My Boys.
8. I totally took his class!  I don't know what to believe anymore!
9. So shameful.  On multiple levels.
10. Liberal elite media is funny.

Getting Older.

Last night, at my local Sweet Green, I got some frozen yogurt. When I was deciding what toppings to have, the cashiers told me that mango was particularly popular that night. Then they starting just chatting a bit between themselves while I considered my options a bit more. One of them mentioned that mango made her think of Saturday Night Live, and the other looked puzzled. Here's what happened next:

Cashier #1 [to Cashier #2]: You know, Chris Kattan?

Cashier #2: Huh?

Cashier #1: Oh, you're too young to know what I'm talking about.

Cashier #2 walks away in that Yes-I-Am kind of way that young peeps do.

Cashier #1 [turning to me]: You know what I'm talking about, right?

WTF!?!?!?

Yuppies.

I just drove by a dude wearing Crocs on a Vespa with Trader Joe's strapped to the back. Sweet.

Round Up.

1. I totally remember Harvey, Don, and Bruno from Sesame Street! I wish Don were still around. So what if kids imitated him.

2. Michelle wears 'em. As if I need any justification to wear my awesome bright red Crocs. B____, please.

3. First MTV doesn't have music. Then Syfy trips out on whatever NoCal is serving. And now Cartoon Network no longer is showing just cartoons. TV networks really need to put more thought in their channel names before they commit.

4. Some time back, Planet Money did a piece to assess who might be at fault for the current economic crisis. I happened to find the role that the ratings agencies played in the development of mortgage backed securities particularly persuasive. So it's nice that they got a little spanking. But also, forgive me, though I love my Massachusetts (sniff -- it was a hard weekend -- I converted my license), somehow, I'm not comforted when the raters state that the state bonds are stable.

5. Interesting.

6. Jebus. Fright Night was one of the first movies -- if not THE first movie -- to give me nightmares. Like, friggin' wake-up-in-a-cold-sweat-screaming nightmares. I'll pass, thanks.

Et Tu Crayon Gods???

Planet Money has collected indicators of the down economy. This one hit close to home. Red Robin was like this safe haven of corporate-y restarantness in Durham when I went to law school. I mean, bottomless steak fries? It couldn't BE any better. Now that I'm in DC, I'll actually travel, yes travel as if it's a destination, to go to Red Robin to eat processed burgers. Because it's awesome.

But now there's just a little less color in the world. It reminds me of the DuckTales episode where Uncle Scrooge was captured in the penguin colony where color was scarce and therefore valued. Remember that one? Yeah, that's where Mrs. Beakley proved that she's aaaaaaaaalll right.

And another thing, if you name your kid "Scrooge," aren't you just ensuring that he's going to be a mean ol' cheapskate when he grows up? Imagine that conversation:
Mom - "What should we name him? John? Robert?"
Dad - "Those are nice I guess. But how about Scrooge?
Mom - "Hm. Scrrooooge. I like it!"

I Forgot To Post This.

Is it considered scooping someone when you write a pop culture op-ed about a topic before someone else does? 'Cuz EW totes scooped Gawker re: bad mommies.

That reminds me. So this weekend whilst I was in Vegas, it struck me just how many families with young children there were. Out and about at all hours of the night. Including after midnight in the smoke-filled, scantily-clad-dancer-accented, frat-boys-pickled-in-alcohol casinos. What the hell? How is this a family destination? Who are these parents who think that this would be fun for their kids? Probably the same ones who'd buy this for them.

I'm Old.

The Beloit College list is out for the new Class of 2013. For the past ten years or so, these profs at Beloit have published a list to give other faculty a sense of what the cultural worldview is of the incoming freshmen. It's sort of a fascinating time capsule of how much has changed in such a short time.

These in particular make me feel like I'm 93 years old:

• They have never used a card catalog to find a book.
• Salsa has always outsold ketchup.
• Earvin "Magic" Johnson has always been HIV-positive.
• Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream has always been a flavor choice.
• They have never had to “shake down” an oral thermometer.
• The European Union has always existed.
• Desperate smokers have always been able to turn to Nicoderm skin patches.
• There has always been a Cartoon Network.
• They have never been Saved by the Bell. [<---ARE YOU KIDDING ME???]
• There has always been a Planet Hollywood.
• Two Koreas have always been members of the UN.
• Official racial classifications in South Africa have always been outlawed.
• Nobody has ever responded to “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

Zing Sucks.

5 Gum is my favorite gum.

But their new flavor Zing sucks. It melts like Orbit gum does after only like 20 minutes of chewing. It's the Comcast of low-calorie chewing gums.

I Love Amtrak.

But I hate the voice-response system on their telephone reservation line.

Gah.

It's so depressing to leave the office so late that the news monitor in the elevator is off for the day.

A Round-Up.

WTF, ladies. Mascara I get. But Latisse is friggin' creepy.

At the hotel I was staying at for the wedding I attended in Atlanta this weekend, the preliminary rounds of the Mrs. Georgia-America Pageant were taking place. Look again: the Mrs. Georgia-America Pageant. Yeah, you are so jealous. (And don't ask me why the URL points you to Mrs. Minnesota-America. Pageants are beyond me.)

I want velcro sneakers to come back in full force. I'm going to get some for myself anyway, but I imagine it'll be somewhat tiring to have to defend my unnatural love for Crocs AND velcro sneakers.

I like this article from the Times.

George Wyner and Jeffrey Tambor are the same person. Discuss.

Roswell.

I'm in Roswell, Georgia for a wedding, and couple things have occurred to me so far on this trip. I'd like to share those thoughts with you now.

1. While I was mildly surprised (but not really) to find a Dunkin Donuts down here, I was pleasantly surprised to find that they still called a medium coffee a "regular" coffee.

2. US Postal Service trucks driving at full speed are funny.

3. The further south you go, the less likely drivers are to use their turn signals.

4. The Chevy Aveo has neither power locks, nor power windows. Yes, you can still ask for Grey Poupon the proper way in this car.

5. Three-lane commercial throughways are friggin' nuts.

Marketing 101.

I was reading an article at boston.com about hangover cures (no special reason -- seriously), and it said that menudo is a traditional remedy in Mexico. It's a soup made with tripe, which is intestinal lining of a cow.

You'd think Ricky Martin's managers would have been a bit more fastidious with the groups they throw him into.

Potpourri.

Wherein I tie up some loose ends of thoughts and observations that don't merit their own blogpost (should give you an idea of the quality of stuff up ahead):

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Everyone knows what "tater tots" are. (And are they ever tasty. ) But I grew up calling them "potato puffs" (western Massachusetts, boyardee!). No one I know has heard of that. But today, I actually went to Whole PaycheckFoods before noon to beat the hellish, and I really mean spawn of the devil, crowds that huddle there to shop, because heaven forefend that you buy cheese that's been aged less than 60 days. Wait... where was I going with this. Oh, right, their salad bar there had them and they called them "tater puffs." My mind was blown.

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The last two covers of GQ magazine have featured Robert Pattinson and Zac Efron, respectively. I think Twilight's stoopid, and I love the Efron, but since when did GQ's target audience become 12 year old girls? And if that's the case, when did 12 year old girls start being interested in nekkid Jennifer Aniston?

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I'm a fan of classical music. By the way, I hate that classical music radio stations play too much baroque music, and keep insisting that classical music is "relaxing." I get that classical music isn't for everyone, so if someone calls it "boring," I get that. But good classical music is anything but "relaxing." Really good classical music is totally energizing. For some reason, I've been listening to the arias from The Magic Flute recently. I'm sure you've heard at least this one before. FF to 2:43 to hear the famous section (and the totes ridonk high notes being homered ou' tha parque):


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Speaking of the Efron, he was at the results show from American Idol last week. EW.com sends a reporter to the taping to give the inside scoop. This week's was particularly happy because it pit the Efron against Kris Allen, aka K-Sizzle, aka you might have heard that I'm a fan, in a Battle Royale of... NICENESS. Yeah, I know. My heart skipped a beat, too. Then it skipped another when it was determined (obvs) that Kris was the nicest.

Makes Sense.

A friend of mine told me about she got a parking ticket because of the spring-forward daylight saving shift. That's gotta be, like, a high holy day for meter-maids.

Not quite as cool as Arizona, though.

You just know that the Navajo meter-maids are laughing at the Hopi and the Arizonian meter-maids, though. Suckas.

Mary Carillo Does Tennis and . . . Dogs.

In addition to a call name, dogs get a registered name, which the Westminster Kennel Club limits to seven words or less.

The worst thing about all this is the realization that Best in Show wasn't a brilliant satire; it's basically a straightup documentary.

Uno, aka K-Run's Park Me in First.

Seriously.

A Year.

Weird, I've had this blog now for just a little over a year.

With that, and the afternoon gassiness, and the grunting when getting up from a seated position, and the extra-fast growing nose hair, and the drinking of white wine because red wine gives me a headache, and the reasonable bed time... I'm feeling old.

I'm a Grown-Up, But Not an Adult.

I have a 401(k) now, although I don't really know how it works. I keep getting these prospectuses in the mail that are wrapped in dark plastic. I get that my finances need to be kept confidential, but I swear my neighbors think I subscribe to multiple nudie magazines.

I don't know what's more embarrassing: that, or the possibility that they might think I'm too stupid to know that I can get nudie pix for free on the internet.

Who Does This?

I've been a bit backlogged with Netflix and reading my Entertainment Weekly. I think it's this, you know, job I have. So I was reading the issue from a couple weeks ago, and I noticed that the cover of the magazine was for Twilight. Now, I'm not ashamed to admit this, because I think my friends sort of expect it by now, but I like keeping up with what's big in pop culture-- so I've, yes, seen High School Musical from beginning to end and I've even deigned to watch a whole episode of Hannah Montana. However, I have yet to read or see Twilight, because I don't think even I'll like it, but it's getting hard to resist, truth be told.



To make a long story short (too late, I know), EW sometimes publishes "collectors covers" for an issue. Like, it's the same content inside, but there might be 3 different covers, as here. So my question: Does anyone actually go out and collect all the covers? Like, even if you were a huge Twilight fan, wouldn't you want something cooler than a magazine cover? Like a lock of Robert Pattinson's hair? Or something less creepy, I guess.

One Ounce.

I haven't had to travel for work yet, but it is likely that I'll have to at some point. It was suggested (strongly) that I never check bags if I can help it. This presents a small problem. I use Proactiv-- because I think Jessica Simpson is the smrterest person evAH!!!--but the two main bottles for the wash and the toner are 4 ounces each. You can only carry-on bottles that 3 ounces or less.

Don't worry, I have more important problems in my life.