AI9: The Top 9 Rehash Themselves. Yet Again.

I don't mind that Adam Lambert is the mentor. What I do mind is that he is the quintessential example of the producers shoving what they think is the star down our throats. And this is what I simply just do not get. This show, this crazy stoopid I-hate-to-hate-it show is TAILOR-MADE to just go with the flow to figure out what the public wants. Why force it? Why pimp your favorites? It makes no sense whatsoever. I like Adam as much as the next one (well, maybe not as much as most people), but I can't help but feel like he's always got the stank of teacher's petness about him. And he don't need that! Sigh.

Crys Bowserocks. CB does her same singer-songwriter bluesy-soul -- but she swirled it a touch. That's awesome. Because as good as she is -- if she doesn't figure out a way to change it up every single week, she's not going to win. See Melinda Doolittle, and, hell, Adam Lambert. No one denies that they were the most talented their seasons, but people, that's not what wins AI. (And I spit on those people who don't know their propuh AI history. Ever since Kelly beat Justin AND Tamyra, this show is about growth.)

Andy Garcia. Not the famous one from the Untouchables. He gets reamed by the judges, and for good reason. AG's performance reminds me -- excuse me while I dork out for a sec -- of the current advice for concerto competition musicians. Because some pieces have become so iconic -- or so associated with a certain performer (think Jacqueline Dupre and the Dvorak Cello Concerto) -- that many performers now use lesser-known or new pieces for competitions. Hound Dog, you see, is the Mozart Clarinet Concerto of Elvis songs. And AG is, sadly, simply an also-ran on some televised singing competition.

Timothe Urbane. "Showing people that I know what the words are about." Deep. TU isn't a bad singer. He's just an immature singer. Meaning that he has a limited voice and still hasn't figured out how to make the most of it. By comparison, Kris Allen (I luv him -- haven't you noticed?) doesn't have a voice that will stop cars -- but oh my grawd does he know how to make the most of it. TU's got a ways to go. All in all, though, he was surprisingly decent this week.

LLe Dwyz. "So, Lee is great." Read: "Lee reminds me of Kris Allen, and I love Kris, so I love you." LD just sounds good. And that smirk-smile he does is so cute. OMG, Kara's advice was spot on. "That was fire." Oh, Ryan, you are a douchebag.

Erin Kheli. Aaron knows that this song is wrong for him... and yet he's still singing it. This has disaster written all over it. Take a look at my critique of AG and apply it here. It's the very definition of KaraDioguarke. See what I did there? I so clever. Here's what AK should have done: a country version of Blue Suede Shoes. Whoa! Simon just gave a shout out to Tim. Snow. Hell. Etc.

Siobhan Magnum PI. SHE'S SINGING MY FAVORITE ELVIS SONG. This sounds kinda Kathie Lee Gifford on a Carnival Cruise. Ooh, except for that little gospel spin at the end. Oh, she should have done that from the beginning. The second half of that song was waaaaaaaaaay waaay waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the first.

Mika Lyncha. I love ML in those glasses. Oh, boo. He's not wearing them for the perf.

KT Stephens. Does KS bother anyone else just by being her? Yeah. Wow, apparently a Transformer threw up on her. And some weird pleather pants monster is eating her from the feet up. Oh, KS, you are not a badass. Towards the end of the song, I actually heard KS's voice not quite make it -- there were a few points where you could hear her swallow her "big" notes.

KC Jemz. I hate Ryan. Oh noez! Casey is standing in the Pit of Sway Despair! That's where both Kris and Matt had problems connecting. I hate CJ's vibrato. But overall, I like what CJ's doing with a funky, countrifried song. It suits him, and is fun. That's it. Fun. Nothing more than that. And still not hot.

Best: Crystal (duh), Lee (duh, sort of), Mike.

Okay: Tim (snuh!?!), the second half of Siobhan, Katie (I guess), Casey.

Worst: Andrew, the first half of Siobhan, Aaron.

Going home: Andrew and Aaron.

PS. THANK YOU FOR GETTING RID OF THE BACKSTAGE CAMERA.