The Truth About Twilight: Part 1.

I give up. I do have limits. For example, even though I know that there are three Jonas Brothers, I don't know their names. Even though I know that Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana are the same person, I couldn't tell you what season they're on. And even though I've seen High School Musical (please, who hasn't? losers, you're missing out), I have not seen 2 or 3.

But for this, I caved: I bought the trade paperback version of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight. You might have heard of it. Even if you're a snob, or more likely, a grown-up with taste. Scratch that, you don't even need taste. But this has become such a huge phenomenon, that I'm dying to know what all the fuss is about. So I picked it up. And I started reading last night.

It's awful. But there's something about it that makes me want to keep reading. So here are My Reactions, Part 1, because the internet wouldn't be complete without anonymous surfers being able to find the Truth About Twilight.

• I've finished Chapter 1, and so far I've learned that Bella is from Phoenix, Arizona, and that somehow counts as a city of irony. Sorry if I scoff from over here on the, you know, entire eastern seaboard if I think of kittens and poodles frolicing when I consider Arizonian-sarcasm. West coasters are so cute when they think they're disaffected.
• Also, I can't help but picture Robert Pattinson whenever I read about Edward Cullen. Granted, Meyer only describes him as devastatingly beautiful (sort of like me, but actually beautiful), so I don't have much clay with which to imagine my own Adonis, but it's the fate of reading the book after the movie.
• The trade paperback copy happens to have Robert and Kristen Stewart on the cover, instead of the red apple. That blows. I kinda liked the cover themes.