It Hurts My World.

When I was little, the brand of jeans I wore came in two sizes: slim and husky. It seems like the good clothiers at Dockers(?), or at least an ersatz Dockers of the 80s, figured that kids are so disproportionate that they shouldn't bother trying. Well, I'll just say that the day I had to go husky was a bittersweet day of feeling like I was growing up and like I was a lardo.

So growing up, it was pretty common for my parents to buy me clothes that were too big because I'd "grow into them." Makes sense. Until, oh you know, puberty, and you stop growing. But I had it so ingrained in me to save money that I continued long after the spurt to buy clothes that were too big.

Sometime after college, I finally broke that habit and learned that, no, I'm not a 17" necksize no matter how awesome it is for a necktie not to choke me to death on that size collar, I'm actually somewhere between a 15" and a 15.5" (depends on how much salt I've had that day). No, all my vast stores of "L" t-shirts that I scammed for free from every website I could find are not good for going out (I'm either an S or an M depending, and I can actually wear a kids "L" quite comfortably). And now, apparently, no I'm not a size 10 shoe.

This past weekend I was freaking out because I thought I was starting to shrink, aka getting old. But my friends talked me off the ledge and told me that you can lose fat in your feet (they might have just made this up to calm me down). You see, this was all prompted by the fact that I bought some shoes recently and they seemed HUGE on me. We're talking Sideshow Bob here.

So I set to work figuring this out. I think somewhere along the line of growing up, 1 of 2 things happened: (1) I got it in my head somehow that I thought that the size of your feet in inches corresponded a bit better to the size of the shoe... it doesn't, or (2) they started making shoes really big. I'd like to think it's (2), so that I don't feel stupid again, but I don't think I'm quite so lucky.

So yeah. We're gonna see how 9.5 works. I guess.