Happy Birthday, Colin.

Thank You Best Week Ever.

I was watching Best Week Ever because, of course, they had Kris Allen on it. (I was tipped off by Best Day Ever, which was way funnier. Yes funnier. Not more funny. I'm a rebel!):



But talk about cherries and tops, er, I mean, cherries on top, they introduced the Wearable Towel. Eat your heart out Snuggie and/or Slanket and/or Blankoat!



Necessity really is the mother of invention.

It's Amazing Baystaters Aren't Fatter.

More reasons why Massachusetts is kick-awesome (what do you want from me? Kris Allen has revealed in interviews that he was an avid watcher of both Boy Meets World AND Singled Out -- how you all are resisting his charms I just don't know nor do I want to -- yield! YIELD!).

Next Friday is free donut day at Dunkin' Donuts.

And next Saturday is free ice cream day at Friendly's.

Oh you know that's wicked good.

Twenty-Eight and Two.

In case the blog title still isn't clear, here's the explanation again.

I Really Don't Know When I'm Going To Stop Gushing Over Kris Allen's Win. Sorry.

I sort of love Massachusetts. I don't know if you can tell. And it's rare that I find fault with it. But I'm not one to hide the loose strings on my sweater of state pride. I'll pick at 'em.

One more log to throw on the barbie: that Massachusetts gas stations don't have the catch on gas pumps that let you set it to fill your tank without having to stand there and squeeze the lever. Get with the prog, Mass.

Epically Dangerous Cuteness.

The bromance to end all bromances!



It's so true that if Adam won, no one would be asking him about Kris. But Kris has to answer questions about Adam in every interview. He's handling it like a pro.

And no matter if you're an Adam fan, a Kris fan, or a Kradam fan, we can all agree on one thing: Thank God Gokey wasn't in the final.

I Can't Figure This Out.

So, in the movie Doubt (or the play -- if that's what you're familiar with), is there some meaning to the priest liking to keep his fingernails on the long side? I'm way fastidious about teeth and fingernails, so this is really nagging me. You know, cuz it's gross. Well, also what he's accused of. But you knew that.

Not Since Kelly.

There's a lot of dumb coverage of the American Idol finale going on right now. People trying to find deeper meaning. People complaining that America got it wrong. People pissed off at people for choosing the contestant that the show didn't sell its firstborn to manipulate them into voting for. People ticked that Allison didn't beat Evil Gokey. But here's what I'd like to know... and I'm very smart, so listen up:

-Why the hell did AI start giving out a "trophy" to the winner?

-How do people this obsessed with the show NOT KNOW that the top ten finalists are locked in to the same deal with the record label as the winner? The winner is the only one guaranteed a contract, but just because Adam lost doesn't mean he's suddenly "free."

-When will Rod Stewart just let it go?

-When will Gokey?

-When will Kris come have a beer with me for awesomely picking him out on February 4? i.e., that's after only DAY 2 of Hollywood Week, b____es!. (Granted, I also allegedly liked Evil Gokey at that point, but nobody's perfect.) The last time I was close to being this successful at spotting the winner was picking Kelly out during the semi-finals of season 1. I also figured out that Carrie would win the "season of the guys" in season 4, but I think a lot of people figured that one out pretty quickly. And I knew that Jordin was going to win pretty early on in the finals of season 6.

So, like, now that AI is over. Um, like, what do I do with myself? Weird. It's so quiet. Too quiet.

HOLY CRAP.

KRIS WON.

American Idol 8: The Finale.

Ah, the finale. The one we've all been waiting for. Well, the cool people of this world at least. (Sorry Allison-fans, at best, I wanted her to be third.) So to mark this final perf show of the Season of the Nail Polish Bromance, I'm live-blogging, baby! (With a touch of some DVR to help.) WOOP!

Camryn Manheim. Wow. Has she done anything in a while? Anything other than be self-righteous that is?

Simon's cleave is gross.

Carly Smithson sighting! Casey Carlson! C___ ___son!

Oh, Kradam just said "totally" in the same macho way. And neither are really macho.

Commercial break now before anyone sings? Way to interrupt the flow. Really, the directing of this season has sucked. At least they're telling us now that they're going to go over tomorrow night. I'll just leave the DVR on non-stop.

I like that Marshall's/TJMax girl who calls her friend "disgusting."

Adam Lambert: Mad World, Redux.
Glambo goes all Neo in The Matrix. Ooh, smokey. He's literally flaming before our eyes. I'm glad he chose this song. I prefer Adam's haunting sound, not his screeching sound. And I think that the casual viewer will be less likely to be turned off by this song. Personally, I would have chosen Tracks of My Tears.

Anthony Hopkins looks dead.

Evil Gokey sighting! Did he just get a cheer? I'll cheer too that he's not in the finale!

Kris Allen gives music coupons to his momma. Is that the cutest thing ever? Does he sweat bunnies and fart puppies? Jebus. I didn't think it was possible.

Uh oh. Delay in setting up the piano. Way to sandbag K-Sizzle, guys.

Kris Allen: Ain't No Sunshine, Redux!!!
I had heard he might do Falling Slowly or Heartless. But this is sooo totally what I wanted him to sing. This time his take is so deliberate. That glissando in the middle gives me goosebumps. And they gave him pimp lighting! The last note falsetto even worked this time. Look at those guns! Paula's writer needs to tighten up her words. And maybe keep them to two syllable or less words. Simon made a reference to Evil AGAIN without saying his name. Get over it. Your horse lost.

Adam Lambert: Change Is Going To Come.
Adam is wearing a suit but without the shellacked, wax-fruit hair pompadour that he's so fond of. Adam's singing a message song. Ohhh, he just glissed a note, too. Take that Tender Puppy. Adam's on full out divalishish mode. That is one hell of a glory note. That was pretty awesome. And I love how he gives props to the band. That's so classy. Paula's going offbook. That's like her going off-meds. Iconic? I don't know about that.

KATIE AND SURI SIGHTING!!!!

Kris Allen: What's Going On.
Another message song? Jeez. Fuller, get over yourself. I love the tone of his voice. I looooooove the tone of his voice. Randy says it's a little light. The producer chose the song! Simon says he's too laid back.... This just shows that Simon doesn't "get" Kris. He never has. Simon likes bombaste (see Leona and Il Divo). And it's good sometimes (see Leona). But it's not the only type of pop music out there, dude (don't see Il Divo, ever). Kris's henley is tight. What were we talking about?

Top 13 tableau! Someone turn Scott towards the camera. Does Jasmine really think that she deserves to be there?

Yikes, they are singing the coronation song back to back. This is unusual. This isn't going to be good for Kris.

Adam's take on "No Boundaries."
SHOOT THAT BACKGROUND SINGER. It's probably the same one who derailed his Cryin'. This is a big song. Don't know how Kris is going to do. Is Adam wearing lip gloss? Ooh, Adam thanked Kara for the song without breaking character. That. Is. Acting. He deserves to win just for that.

Some cougar in the audience is glowing in the dark. Neat trick.

Kris's take on "No Boundaries."
Did he just forget the words? Or have spittle go down the wrong pipe? This song is swallowing him whole. He's singing to the audience sitting on the... ceiling? Tough. Kara says she hopes people vote on the season. Simon says a nice thing about Kris. Golly, Simon. It only took Kris getting to the finals and destroying Adam.

I don't think I've liked the AI coronation song since "I Believe" by Fantasia. Mostly because that had a gospel choir enter in the end. Gospel choirs entering mid-song is always a winner. That and staccato strings backing a vocal (see David Cook's Always Be My Baby).

And so it ends.

I think Adam's going to win. And it's well-deserved. But I. Can't. Wait. For. Kris's. Album. And for him to surprise me by dropping by my apartment to hang out and watch How I Met Your Mother Together. I'll settle for a slick album.

Please Let It Be Noob!

Oh, man.  That'd be so awesome.

I Haven't Done This In A While. And Not On This Blog Yet.

Breaking Down the American Idol 8 Finale.

Sorry (not really), but around these parts, it's all Idol all the time, until the AI finale that is Kradam. I'm totally at ease now that the Kris-In-Shining-Armor slayed the Evil Gokey. So comparing K-Siz to the Glam Chop is just for fun. Seriously. I really don't care who wins. This is the finale that I wanted. Because I have no life, I'm going to analyze the dynamic duo's seasons. You can totally Youtube any of these. Or buy Kris's chosen brand of jeans.

Kris Allen's Set List Over the Season.

The "Moments" (e.g., Carrie Underwood's Alone; Fantasia's Summertime)

• Ain't No Sunshine. Kris took to the piano for the first time, showing that even if he doesn't have a lot of vocal training, he does have a lot of musical training. The performance is the opposite of bombaste, playing directly into Kris's snuggily zone -- where other's might hold a glory note, Kris underplays it. Goosebumps abound.
• Heartless. Kris's last stand against the Evil Gokey.

The Good Stuff (e.g., David Cook's Always Be My Baby; Kelly Clarkson's Natural Woman)

• To Make You Feel My Love. Kris just sings. And Simon finally acknowledges that Kris exists.
• How Sweet It Is. Kris hits a high A and shows us that James Taylor should never cover Marvin Gaye again.
• She Works Hard For the Money. Wherein Disco could eat it.
• Man In the Mirror. Kris went from cannon fodder to contender in one swell foop!
• Falling Slowly. Mea culpa: I can't stop listening to Falling Slowly. I didn't like the live performance. It left me cold. But my big criticism is that the song itself needs time to build, and the studio version allows that. But even better, Kris actually takes advantage of that extended time.

The Stuff That Made Me Worry About Our Chickpea (e.g., Tamyra Gray's New Attitude; Jennifer Hudson's wardrobe)

• All She Wants to Do Is Dance. Wherein the Swaybots try and absorb Kris's life force!
  
• Apologize. Kris's falsetto is okay, but it'll never stand up to Adam's or his own chest voice.
  
• Renegade. Evil Gokey didn't bother engaging Kris, and Simon had the audacity to support Evil afterwards. Not cool.
  
• The Way You Look Tonight. Kris looks like he should be suave, but he isn't. He's a dork. And it kinda showed when he tried to be all Rat Packy.
  

The Stuff I Can't Remember Clearly Enough To Comment On (e.g., umm...)

• Come Together.
• Do You Remember.
  

Adam Lambert's Set List Over the Season.

The "Moments."

• Mad World. The second time Adam stripped it down, and sat on the magical glowing toilet. This was cut-off in the infamous debacle of AI running over time by a million minutes into Fringe. But it was so good that everyone--EVERYONE--still watched it afterwards. I prefer Tracks, but this is the one people still talk about.
• The Tracks of My Tears. The first time that Adam "cleaned" himself up to look like a cross between an unopened Ken Doll and a lesbian in male-drag (google Lea DeLaria for more), Adam showed that he can be as convincingly subtle as he is over-the-top.
  
• Slow Ride. The only uptempo song where I thought Adam was truly authentic. His willingness to share the stage with Allison actually made him stand out all the more. True stars don't force it (see Evil Gokey); they just are.
  

The Good Stuff.

• Black or White. Adam, Kris, and Evil all took on "message" songs at some points in the season, and I thought that only Adam and Kris made them sound poppy and not preachy.
  
• Ring of Fire. Some people hated it, but Adam showed us that he wouldn't compromise. This is to Adam what "She Works Hard for the Money" was to Kris. High marks.
  
• Feeling Good. Adam's smirks works.
  
• Whole Lotta Love. Not bad, Glambo, not bad.
  
• I Can't Get No Satisfaction. Adam always teeters between genuine glam rock and overly stylized Broadway rock -- which is scary and fascinating at the same time. This is the prototypical Glambert song. Think Kelly Clarkson singing Respect.
  
• Cryin'. Adam's big middle finger to Evil Gokey was worth every screech.
  

The Stuff That Made Me Worry About Our Little Princess.

• Play that Funky Music. So on iTunes downloads night, where the contestants could basically choose anything that isn't Metallica or Kid Rock, Adam chose this song. To show us that he's current? It made me wonder whether Adam could only thrive on hyper-stylized music genres.
  
• Born to Be Wild. Same thing here.
  
• One. This is a f'ing brilliant song choice from Simon. There are so many interpretations that can be taken with it... except for the one that Adam took. Simon teed up this meatball for Adam to make The Moment of Moments... and he punted.
  

The Stuff I Can't Remember Clearly Enough To Comment On.

• If I Can't Have You.

---

I think that Adam has had the stronger, more compelling season. But he's way more polarizing than Kris. I personally like Kris a whole lot better. The difference is simply a matter of taste.

All in all, this is such an awesome finale: Kris, the laid-back cannon-fodder-that-could Mraz-esque wunderkind vs. Adam, an original member of the Producer's Unholy Trinity-turned-genuinely likeable Bowie-esque flaming star.

What the hell am I going to write about once it's all over?

Suck on That, Simon.

I'm at peace. America got it, got it -- wait for it -- right.

I don't need Kris to actually win the whole thing. Him being in the finals feels right though. I totally get that Adam deserves the win (and I think it would be awesome for the show if Our Little Bowie won). But this is a finale worth watching. I love it.

---

EDIT: The blogosphere is abuzz. Kara DioGuardi doesn't know how to play the game the producers hired her to play the way the other judges can. She's too obvious when throwing fodder under the bus. She set Kris up to sabotage him. You are so very stupid, Kara.

---

EDIT v2: Gawker's take on the awesomeness of the final two. Funny, when I burp on people, they don't like it.

EDIT v3: EW's take on how adorable Kris's and Adam's families are.

American Idol 8: The Top 3, or Where I Throw Shame Out the Window and Vote as Much as I Can For Kris.

Before this season, I've only ever voted once on AI. Nope, not for Tamyra or Kelly. Not for K.Lo. Not for Carrie or Anthony. And not for Archie. I called once for Blake's You Give Love a Bad Name.

But this season, I've voted more and more with each show for Kris Allen. There's something about him. Sure, he's hot. And yeah, he's hot. And of course, there's the convincing argument that he's hot. But you can get that anywhere on the interwebs (it's a series of tubes!!!). So maybe it's the humbleness. Or the laid-back chilled 'tude. Or maybe he's defied the producers' over-the-top (moreso than usual) manipulations this season. Or maybe it's that his faith isn't all "look at me I'm so fancy" (that's real inspiration Gokey, when you lead by example and not scream liking a dying chihuahua at us).

I went into tonight's episode thinking that the judges were going to throw Kris under the bus, and then throw a steamboat on top because gosh darnit, Kris just won't surrender (maybe it's because he's, you know, really talented -- HWAH??? On AI??? Unpossible!!!!). But they didn't. Sure, "Apologize" wasn't great. Kris's falsetto isn't that good. And sure, they put Kris in the middle of the performing order. And sure, the camera work was all Black-Pearl-topsy-I'm-gonna-puke-on-this-sailor. Ok, so maybe they did try and throw him under the bus.

But WOW. Kanye West's "Heartless" remixed? On an ACOUSTIC GUITAR? He remixed the remixer. That's like the first time I learned you can use Twizzlers as straws and make water taste sweet. The henley on Kris was icing, but nothing, I mean, nothing matched the kick-awesomeness of k-sizzle's tender-puppy rendition of that song.

[Side note: Kris was totally rocking nail polish a la the Glambert. I just can't pass up this opportunity to note that Kris, clearly a devout fundy-like Christian, is buds with the Glambo. It gives me hope that the world isn't completely filled with suckitude. Endeth the sap.]

I thought Adam Lambert's Aerosmith song was the better of his two for a couple reasons. First, his voice matches Steven Tyler's. And second, and way more interestingly, I think that Adam secretly (or maybe not so secretly) hates Gokey, and wanted to remind audiences of Gokey's awful Dream On from last week. It was a big F YOU to Gokey.

I had high expectations for One, and it reeked of drama, theatricality, and desperation. That's the exact opposite of what that song can be. It can be hopeful. It can be angsty. It can be enraged. But no matter what it's honest. And Glambake's rendition was anything but.

And then there's Gokey. I, I can't even allow myself to keep this memory in my head. He gets to show us what kind of artist he'll be by choosing anything, ANYTHING. And he chooses "You Are So Beautiful"?????? INSERT INTERROBANG HERE. Look at Adam -- he chose a glamrock arena anthem. Look at Kris -- he Mrazed up a song we thought we knew. Both of these have a place in this world. Look at Gokey. And then turn to stone. And then stick a pencil in your eye if you voted for it.

I don't even care what Paula chose for him. No interpretation. Just him yelling at me again to give myself over to the Gokey, I mean Jesus. Because he's inspirational. Didn't you know that?

I can't make a prediction at all. It's all about fanbases right now. The casual viewer may make a dent.

• I do worry, as Simon did, about Adam's fans thinking he's safe, and voting for Kris to boot Danny. There are a lot of self-dubbed "Kradam" fans out there (myself included). But they can't sacrifice the forest for the trees. Adam must win this season as much as Kris must slay Danny.
• Danny still got an absurd ovation after his chauffering us to the Gokey circle of hell. HOW?? People? All logic points to him beating Kris. But I have to believe, much as good ol' Spock from the surprisingly awesome new Star Trek, that logic alone won't prevail here.
• I'm not asking for Kris to win the whole thing. It's all about Adam. I get that. But Gokey's reign of terror must end here. Throw water on him. Crush him with a house. I don't care. Just send the dude back to Wisconsin and let him "inspire" people to be douche bags.
  

Bril, peeps, just bril:

There's an Answer, If You Look Deep Within Your Heart.

I'm usually pretty good about looking up esoteric trivia, but this gem somehow escaped my procrastinating, er, curiousity about the world.

 

The Question: Why Does Hawaii have interstate highways?

 

If Mental Floss can answer this one, though, I'd be truly impressed: Why do people park on driveways and drive on parkways?

Explain This, Too.

As I was troubled by Aladdin, I also have found something troubling in Beauty in the Beast. Is Mrs. Potts the mother of Chip? He calls her "Mama." I've never heard of someone calling their grandmother that. How old is she?

Law recognizes the fertile octogenarian, but this is ridiculous, no? Go to minute 4:00 and see for yourself.

Allison, We Hardly Knew Ye.

So close to the dream of an Adam-Kris-Allison Top 3. But not quite there. Allison is the first of the Round Table of Awesomeness to fall to Evil Gokey's smug stare of entitlement. Or was it his hip-air-thrust? Or his scream that castrated a thousand sheep? [This is actually the ending of the song he sang this week for Rock Week.]



In any case, did you notice that Kris, who hugs everyone, didn't hug Evil yesterday after their duet OR tonight after hearing he was safe? Evil is Evil, people. No one can smugile quite like it.

EDIT: Michael Slezak, who writes one of the best weekly recaps of AI (and hosts the totes ridick Idolatry on EW.com) live-blogged the results tonight and noted this:

9:39 Kris almost passed the eff out. And I loved how Adam gave him mad hugs. Also: Did I note lack of huggage and only arm grippage with Danny? Scandale? Or lack of time. Now save the rocker(s) and save the season people!

I told you. Also, another recap that makes me sneeze milk out my nose even when I haven't been drinking anything? Gawker's recapper.

American Idol 8: The Top 4 Slash Something.

Did I hear someone say live-blog? No? Good. Because I'm watching it live, but I'm only starting to blog now, at 8:15.

It occurred to me that by Adam Lambert going first on rock week, TPTB can quell the criticism that Adam has never gone first (which is widely known as a disadvantage) but without really hurting him since everyone is expecting him to glam it out tonight. Which he did, bien sur. I do love that Slash called Adam out on doing too much in his higher register.

I'm sort of amazed out how chillaxed but normal Slash is. Does he go by Slash on a regular everyday basis? Like when he makes a dinner reservation?

Oooh, Allison Iraheta's lipstick is ridick. She went with Adam's hairdresser? Oh, gf is learning how awesome it can be to have a gay bf. Hmm, Paula gave one of her non-compliments. Allison is ripping Simon a new one. She can totally get away with it.

Oh, man, Kris Allen got sandbagged with Evil Gokey for his DUET. That sucks. I'll have to find a way to enjoy this somehow. Evil looks like he's not trying at all. This is gonna be a rough week for K-Sizz. The tone of his voice is just too smooth to go with rock. It's like he needs to spend an hour screaming to tear up his cords before he sings. Gokey is totally seething that he has to share the spotlight. It's okay, because Simon did his thing by chopping up Kris into teeny bits for Gokey to stomp all over. Kris seems sort of bummed about something. Yeah, overall, the duet is a terrible idea. They're supposed to be in competition with each other. This seems to be a concession that the competition aspect of the show is moot. Woop de doo.

Have you noticed that Ryan always touches Kris whenever he interacts?

Simon is on full-on steamroll over Kris mode. Look, seriously, Ryan won't stop touching Kris. Where's his other hand?

Ah, so now Evil is going next, which means that Adam still gets to go last. Sigh. This doesn't make sense. So Kris had to go twice in a row. While everyone else gets a longer rest. TPTB really don't want him to make it.

Evil's under the pitch. Come ON Kara. I'm not a vocalist, but I am a musician, and he's flat. And that scream! OMG YOUTUBE WORTHY FAIL. But he's getting some crazy applause. I hate tonight's show. Now, even though Evil sucked, they are all being nice. This isn't Kris's genre either, but they farted on him. Sat on his head and farted on him. Everything that's wrong with this season is encapsulated in tonight's episode. And now, Evil is saying he doesn't think he sucked. He's getting all uppity. Bottom three-less? Yeah, more like goodness-less.

Wow. Those pants are so painted on Adam. Gross. Allison sounds amazing. See and then they hugged it out afterwards. Evil totally was giving off don't hug me vibes to Kris. And Kris HUGS EVERYONE. Simon just said that he thinks Allison is safe because of Adam. So basically, he wants Kris off the show.

They are using Evil's scream for his playback!!!!!!!!!! LOVE IT. That's like the only saving grace of this entire debacle.

Bottom two? Krallison.
Should be? Krevil.
Going home? Allison. Maybe *shudder* Kris. (I... I... can't bear the thought.)
Should be? Evil.

I Burgle Beers. Don't Leave It Unattended.

I learned from here that burglarious is totally a legit word. 

 

Just say it outloud. 

 

I know.  Sweet.

The Closest I'll Get to Blogging About the Law...

...other than the Bar Exam.  I'd like to think that that's an experience the entrails of which no one faults me for describing in excruciating detail.

 

Here, I'd like to give myself a little shout out.  The Wall Street Journal law blog recently wrote about the fact that reforming Kelo v. New London isn't as straightforward as people thought.  Kelo upset a lot of people because they saw it as giving cities permission to transfer property to other private entities like corporations.  Since that case, voters have pushed their legislatures to put more stringent limits on the power.  However, the gist of the WSJ piece is that people forgot that there's a Step 1 before corporations even come into the picture--determining what property is blighted in the first place--and no one has a good idea of how to control that power.

 

I'm just pointing this out here, because in law school, I wrote a student note that was published in our law review that touches on this topic a bit.  Unfortunately, we were required to write our pieces pretty early on in our legal educations, so my theories aren't that well-developed, but I totally foresaw this definition of blight issue as a huge problem.

 

Don't worry, I'm not a serious law guy or anything.  I'm way more upset over the fact that Life and Reaper look like they aren't going to be renewed next season.

I'm Not Lying.

It's been less than a month, and I've had another fire alarm.  Last night, after rocking Taboo like no one's business, I was approaching my apartment building eager to pass out from enchiladas and ice cream.  It was 1am... and the alarm went off.  Part of me was glad that I hadn't yet put myself to bed yet, especially because it was raining, but seriously folks, this is now the third alarm since I've lived here.  Only one was legit -- someone was scared enough to jump out of her fourth floor window naked or something to escape her stove.  I'm not kidding.  Although this piece of gossip might be more rumor.  And yes, yes, rumors kill baby deer.