Aaron Kelly
Ugh. Everyone is saying he's like a mashup of Kevin Covais and David Archuleta. First, I hate mashups (yes, even the ones that K-Sizzle does don't sit well with me). Second, Aaron Kelly is no David Archuleta. Maybe if you blended up some puppies and oreos for him to drink, or if you, you know, taught him how to sing without sounding like a bleating (or bleeding) lamb, the comparison would be apt. It's not. My only consolation is that this time, the producers stacked the boys with other non-threatening Zac Efron-esque white boys to split the vote. The key, then is to see which of the three will make it through and collect the remains of their fallen tween heartthrobs (squeeeeee!).
Alex Lambert
Here's heartthrob #2. His name is too much like Adam Lambert's for me to give him any unbiased assessment. He must go so that my tiny brain won't hurt.
Andrew Garcia
Ah, THE frontrunner. He's like Danny Gokey, but without all that smug unlikability and cloying douchiness. I pointed him out early on, but then again I think the entire interwebs did too.
Casey James
I don't get it. He's not hot. It's like Ace Young, Chris Richardson, and Michael Johns all over again. They aren't hot, and they can't sing.
Jermaine Sellers
He looks like a Simpsons character.
Joe Munoz
Who? Did Jorge Nunez make the Earth spin the other direction so that he can replay his very brief time on AI?
John Park
If I had a dime for every John Park that I've met in my life, I'd be a rich man. It's like naming your kid Muhammed Wang.
Lee Dewyze
I pointed Lee out, too. Mostly because I think he's cute, but I think that his voice is going to be a limitation in this type of competition. Think what's her name with the white streak down the middle of her skunk hair. He fits a type, but you need to be versatile to pull off an AI win.
Michael Lynche
I'm sorry, I don't think that American Idol is worth not being there for the birth of your first child. I know I shouldn't judge, but then again, you're going on a reality TV show so that we, the voting public can judge you. If there was ever a time where I can cast stones, it's now.
Tim Urban
The last minute replacement! And the third of the 3 Zac Efrons. Except how much do you want to bet that he doesn't have Zac's body? Also, I wonder if he has That 70's Show hair to cover a baldspot. I'm not digging T.Urb, can you tell?
Todrick Hall
And I'm definitely not digging Todrick Hall. He's already an established performer in the vein of Adam Lambert. No disrespect (because I've come to appreciate Glammykins -- mostly because Kris tells me to like him), but this is exactly the type of professional performer who shouldn't be on AI. My favorite AI seasons and contestants are those where earnest regular folk are given a break. Yes, I think that Adam Lambert -- and Todrick Hall -- are ridiculously talented, and probably the most talented singers in their seasons. But I think it completely takes away from the awesomeness of a show like AI, where you get Kelly, Ruben, Fantasia, Carrie, Taylor, Jordin, David, and Kris winning. These are people who didn't use AI as a "platform" but rather used it as a lottery ticket. And that's so much awesomer than anything the producers can concoct for us to swallow blind.
Tyler Grady
I also pointed him out early on, too, although I didn't remember his name. Go, Tyler, go, go, go Tyler....
And that's that. Tomorrow, we finally get to see what these peeps are truly made off. I'm such a dork, but I can't wait.
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