AI9: The Top 4 Prove that They Just Aren't the Same As Last Year's.

Where do I begin. Well, first, fair warning, I just went to SweetGreen to get froyo because I needed to end my night on a positive note. Reva, a few other friends, and I went to a pub quiz that was severely underwhelming. We were told ahead of time that it was for a good cause -- fine. No biggie. Then we learned (too late) that it was for heart disease. And that all of the questions would pertain to health. Seriously.

So of course, we think -- well, obviously, let me order a burger and fries and drink beer as I do this. And of course, afterwards the emcees immediately ran outside for a cigarette. And of course the questions were completely impossible to answer (e.g., Which fruit has the most anti-oxidants? That's it. Not per serving or any standard measure like that.) Boo.

So it's in that context that I review tonight's American Idol.

First, Jamie Foxx -- two years in a row as a mentor? Really? Is it because you haven't been in any good movies lately? I think so. Also, remember when you promised to do a song with Kris Allen? Yeah. Punk. Also, the t-shirt thing was stupid. Even Ryan was confused as to which one the contestants should want. They keep being told to compete, compete, compete -- but no, they shouldn't REALLY be doing that. GAH!

Second, Lee, you really chose a song that DEMANDS perfect pitch? My grawd, dude. That's not your thing. You should stick to the speak-singing that works so well.

Third, Mike, you are no MJ. And that warble you've got in your vibrato is just as annoying as Casey's lamb vibrato.

Fourth, Lee and Crystal decide to take on Kris Allen. Look, on it's own, it's actually not that bad. It was, after all, originally a duet. Still, I just hate how this entire season seems to have been a big FU to Kris.

Fifth, Casey sucks.

Sixth, what was with the mariachi band at the end, boys?

Last, look Crystal, honey, I love you. You are the most talented one here. And you are going to lose to Lee. Hey, I don't make the rules, but he is the non-threateningly cute one, so just deal. Here's the thing, I love that blues thing you do -- but if you keep doing it to obscure songs, you are never going to have A Moment on American Idol. You are just going to be good. And that's not enough to win. So, for one week -- next week -- just sell out and sing a g-damn Top 40 pop song. Blues it up all you want, but make it a friggin' song that 10 year old goilz know. Please. Because if Big Mike makes it to the finals over you, I'm so done.

Please go home Casey. (BTWs, did anyone else wonder if Mike might have chosen "Have you ever really loved a woman?" as a passive-aggressive way to ask Casey if he's gay? Just sayin'.)

Sigh. I'm going to go listen to Kris Allen now. And maybe even some Adam Lambert. Yes, that's how much I hate this season. (But don't worry, it's not like I'm going to go listen to Evil Gokey or some shiznat like that.)