Memories.

Everyone keeps telling me I should change the title of my blog. People, people, that aint' happening. Mostly because I'm lazy. But also because there's no need to. I pointedly called it "____ SOMETHING" just like "twentysomething" and "thirtysomething" are non-words that people use as such. 28S was never about staying 28 forever (although, how sweet would that be), it was just a name I plucked out of thick airs and recorded on a blog that exists somewhere where I'm not. And it helpfully reminds me of how long I've been blogging on this, my public, non-controversial blog.

It's been 3 years people. 3 whole years. YIKES! That's right, I just turned... older last week. And in memoriam, can we just barf at the following?

First, I read Amelia Bedelia. None of that GooseBumps crap.

Second, remember that naked baby from the Nirvana album cover? He's all-growed up.

And third, the cast of Salute Your Shorts is also adultified.

Yuppies.

I just drove by a dude wearing Crocs on a Vespa with Trader Joe's strapped to the back. Sweet.

It's Lee.

Congrats, Lee! Yeah, I know, despite my bitching and moaning, I can't help but feel choked up watching someone's life literally change before their eyes. So what if Lee might reach Taylor Hicks levels of mediocrity? Taylor still made a shitton more money than you did last year. Who's laughing now?

I've always liked Lee. And I even noted him immediately after his audition in Chicago. Frankly, he's got the most commercial radio-voice -- moreso than Crystal. His concerts will probably suck, but that's okay because I never go to concerts anyway.

At the end of day, what really matters is that Kris Allen's haircut was ridiculously hot tonight. Ri. Di. Cu. Lous.

AI9: The Top 2... Which Means It's Almost Over!

Crystal. Kicked. Lee's. Ass.

Last year, you know, when American Idol was good, I didn't care who won. I know, right? Weird that I wasn't obsessing over Kris to win. (In retrospect, thank God he won. With the amount of support Adam's been getting as the runner-up, I can only imagine that Kris would have been but an afterthought had Adam won.) Ultimately, it came down to the fact that even if Adam wasn't my preference (heh, get it?), I still recognized that he was an amazing singer and an undeniable star.

Year before that, I was an Archie fan, and was definitely disappointed that Cookie won, but I got over it (and proceeded to buy just as many Cookie singles -- actually MORE Cookie singles than Archie singles). Because at the end of the day, Cookie was a bril arranger with a cool voice.

This year, I like Lee... as a person. He's huggable. But dude cannot sing in tune. Lee has the arc -- the more compelling growth curve and story. He also fits the non-threatening white boy mold that has been so successful the past couple years (seriously -- would Fantasia have had a chance this season?). But consarnit, Crystal deserves this. If a girl can win SYTYCD, then it can absolutely happen on Idol.

Please let Crystal win this. It would be one of the few redeeming things about this ridiculously bad season of AI.

WTF.

I hate the current Google beta.

I already have the Vampire Diaries' blessing to use Bing. Do you want me to actually prefer Bing now?

Potpourreeeeeee.

1. Yes, it is.

2. I'm necessarily biased one way or another against political parties, but I am biased against stupidity. Really Republicans? You didn't think that maybe, just maybe, this was an obtainable seat?

3. Speaking of elephants, Kris Allen's new single is The Truth. I'm surprised because I thought that Alright With Me could have been a great summer single, with The Truth being a nice fall ballad. What do I know, though? I'm a lawyer.

4. City of Gonads. It's a real thing. I'm not being obscene, either.

5. Of all the people on this list, I actually would love to see Angelina step up.

6. As much as I think a name change sucks, I have met too many people who've totally turned off to Cougar Town based on the title of the show. And I'm totally serious, after the first 2 or 3 episodes, this show found its stride and is absolutely one of the funniest shows on TV. So yeah, C-Town? Cougar-de-Sac? Dan Byrd Is The New Michael Sera? Hmm... they all still sound dirty.

7. Um, I was one of those users. (Suck it, losers! When I joined it was called thefacebook!)

AI9: The Top 3 Make Me Believe It's Almost Over.

Remember the good old days when they'd wheel out Clive Davis's desiccated body and he'd tell the pretty young things on stage to sing Whitney? I miss those days.

My favorite performance of the night was Crystal's Maybe I'm Amazed. Crystal doesn't have the most elastic voice. She's not a diva. She'll never be Kelly or Carrie. But she has the most amazing interpretive ear I'm heard on the show in quite some time, and she can translate that to her singing. It works for her. So what was great about tonight was that Ellen's song choice (yes Ellen!) got Crystal to find a middle ground that Lee's been coasting on since the beginning of the show. She let all the perfect imperfections of her limited voice come out on this huge song, and in so doing stayed true to herself and revealed a whole other side of her all at once. Amazing.

Frankly, I kinda liked Lee's Lynyrd Skynyrd song better than his Hallelujah. Here's why. Yes, I got bigger goosebumps from the latter. I recognized the song, and Lee harmonized on it something fierce. IF ONLY IT DIDN'T SEEM SO MANUFACTURED. Which is weird, right? But look. The strength of the song is the song itself. Hallelujah is a ridiculous song that makes almost anyone singing it sound good. Jason Castro legitimately sounded good on it, and Tim Urban managed to stay around a bit because of it. Of course Lee was going to sound good on it. And then he had the white light? And the back-up chorus? And the pimp spot? We get it. You want him to win, and yes, he deserves it, but no one likes having cake--no matter how good--shoved down your throats. This was an Idol Moment, sure, but a Manufactured Moment. Similar to Katherine McPhee's Over the Rainbow. Sadly, people will be talking about Lee's Hallelujah as if it were Kris's Heartless, Adam's Mad World, Carrie's Alone, Jordin's I Who Have Nothing, Fantasia's Summertime, etc.

Frankly, I don't think either Lee or Crystal had a True Moment all season.

What? There were three people who sang tonight? Oh Casey. Miserable, miserable Casey. How does it feel to be Syesha Mercado, Vonzell Solomon, and Jasmine Trias? No one cares about you at all. Not even in a "I can't Nikki McKibbin is still in this" kind of way. Go home. Vomit out that baby lamb you have stuck in your throat, defeather your hair, and cry some more tears into your pillow.

Apparently, They Keep Making These Things Called "Movies." And I Keep Watching Them. Or At Least Having Opinions About Them.

1. Truth be told, Easy A the movie looks terrible. A teen Scarlet Letter? Isn't that, like, an oxy moron? Still, the teaser trailer for it might be one of the best teasers I've seen in a long, long time:



2. Is it okay if I admit that I didn't like The Dark Crystal? I adore the Muppets and Labyrinth, but come on peeps, rose-colored glasses much with TDC? So, "highly anticipated" sequel? Meh.

3. Oh Colin. I love you. Even if it took some people a long time to come around. I've always known you are an awesome actor. And I get the desire to broaden your horizons -- so a romcom? Okay. But a sidekick in a romcom? B____, please. You're better than that. Why not do what you're doing with the whole vampire craze, and be the lead hot thing? That's way more worth your time. (Side note: Fright Night freaked the f___ out of me growing up. Dude. I was six when I saw it.) To conclude, I can't wait for Ondine, which you can apparently already view on demand -- uh, that's weird. Because it's not even in theaters yet.

Illusions!

You have to admit. This is pretty cool.

AI9: The Top 4 Prove that They Just Aren't the Same As Last Year's.

Where do I begin. Well, first, fair warning, I just went to SweetGreen to get froyo because I needed to end my night on a positive note. Reva, a few other friends, and I went to a pub quiz that was severely underwhelming. We were told ahead of time that it was for a good cause -- fine. No biggie. Then we learned (too late) that it was for heart disease. And that all of the questions would pertain to health. Seriously.

So of course, we think -- well, obviously, let me order a burger and fries and drink beer as I do this. And of course, afterwards the emcees immediately ran outside for a cigarette. And of course the questions were completely impossible to answer (e.g., Which fruit has the most anti-oxidants? That's it. Not per serving or any standard measure like that.) Boo.

So it's in that context that I review tonight's American Idol.

First, Jamie Foxx -- two years in a row as a mentor? Really? Is it because you haven't been in any good movies lately? I think so. Also, remember when you promised to do a song with Kris Allen? Yeah. Punk. Also, the t-shirt thing was stupid. Even Ryan was confused as to which one the contestants should want. They keep being told to compete, compete, compete -- but no, they shouldn't REALLY be doing that. GAH!

Second, Lee, you really chose a song that DEMANDS perfect pitch? My grawd, dude. That's not your thing. You should stick to the speak-singing that works so well.

Third, Mike, you are no MJ. And that warble you've got in your vibrato is just as annoying as Casey's lamb vibrato.

Fourth, Lee and Crystal decide to take on Kris Allen. Look, on it's own, it's actually not that bad. It was, after all, originally a duet. Still, I just hate how this entire season seems to have been a big FU to Kris.

Fifth, Casey sucks.

Sixth, what was with the mariachi band at the end, boys?

Last, look Crystal, honey, I love you. You are the most talented one here. And you are going to lose to Lee. Hey, I don't make the rules, but he is the non-threateningly cute one, so just deal. Here's the thing, I love that blues thing you do -- but if you keep doing it to obscure songs, you are never going to have A Moment on American Idol. You are just going to be good. And that's not enough to win. So, for one week -- next week -- just sell out and sing a g-damn Top 40 pop song. Blues it up all you want, but make it a friggin' song that 10 year old goilz know. Please. Because if Big Mike makes it to the finals over you, I'm so done.

Please go home Casey. (BTWs, did anyone else wonder if Mike might have chosen "Have you ever really loved a woman?" as a passive-aggressive way to ask Casey if he's gay? Just sayin'.)

Sigh. I'm going to go listen to Kris Allen now. And maybe even some Adam Lambert. Yes, that's how much I hate this season. (But don't worry, it's not like I'm going to go listen to Evil Gokey or some shiznat like that.)

Vindication.

Someone (read: me) deigned to criticize Glee way back when.

I'd just like to point out that, um, the establishment is recognizing my brilliance.

My Latest Podcast Recommendation.

Chris Hardwick, erstwhile/quondam host of MTV's Singled Out (which was awesome - shut up - it was - you know it), has just started putting out a podcast called The Nerdist. It's on iTunes, and it's also here.

It's basically Chris and a few friends, sitting around and interviewing/shooting the sh__/joking with a famous funny person. Who knew that Drew Carey was so funny? Or that Joel McHale's radio voice is so geeky? Or that Jon Hamm is good-looking?

Chris, being somewhat known but not nearly as famous as his friends, has good insight into life as a comedian-cum-superstar without the second part. It makes for genuinely interesting questions and genuinely interesting answers. Sure, there's the requisite amount of sycophantic fawning and preening, but it's nothing that you wouldn't naturally do with your friends. And it's just fun eavesdropping on a bunch of jokers talking about random stuff.

Plus, on top of that, Chris is a major nerd, and geeks out about all sorts of tech goodies and stuff like that. They talk about Caprica and Lost and Joss Whedon and Dr. Who. SWEET.

Add it to the pile o' podcasts. Good stuff.

Totally Worth Your Time.

Trust me. I only embed videos that are worth watching. This is amazing.



Thank God there are people out there with no lives who can make crap like this for us to watch. Three cheers for the interwebs!

WE MADE GAWKER!

A couple days ago, my hometown done waved its DAR-lovin' yes-we-have-a-rod-and-gun-club and yes-we-have-a-prison-too libby 'litest flag. And now Gawker has picked up the story! I'm shedding a tear at the fact that my little haven that's older than the country itself is so trendy.

AI9: The Top 5 Make My Ears Bleed.

Let me make this easy.

Casey goes home.

Aaron is also in the bottom.

They aren't going to do a bottom 3 because then it would be too obvious who the frontrunner finalists are. And at this point, it's just too obvious.

I just can't take it! As much as I bag on Evil Gokey from last season, at least he can sing in tune. We're at the top 5, and Casey and Aaron are just awful. Just -- if I heard them in an audition, I'd think they were one of the joke auditioners. And yes, Mike did okay tonight, but can you actually imagine yourself buying his album? Let along LISTENING to it?

Eff the judges. Crystal looked and sounded stunning tonight. My favorite Crystal perf of the season. And Lee is indeed a mini-Harry Connick Jr. They hugged an awful lot tonight.

Can we do an all-stars version of American Idol and not invite back anyone from this season?

I Miss Kris.

I agree, Lee will probably win. Sure, I picked him super early on, sort of like I did with Kris. And yeah, he's cuddly adorable in a Kris-like way, and I've downloaded 2 of his perfs this season (by comparison -- I dl'd 1 for Didi -- and 0 for Crystal so far), but, I don't know, he's still not growing the way Kris did. And he still can't sing in tune. Sigh.

It's times like these that make me realize just how awesome Season 8 was (and for that matter, Season 1 and Season 5, too). I'm not just talking Kris -- but Adam and Allison also. And Evil Gokey and Evil Lil made for fantastic villains. How Adam started out as one, but transformed into an interesting hero. How Matt Giraud's goiter just kept getting bigger. Seriously people, I know I talk about Kris a lot in this blog, but I implore you to watch at least one of these vids:

Here's them rehearsing:

Dude, I don't even like this Coldplay song all that much (and in general, I think I only like maybe 2 of their songs), but no one from Season 9 could pull something like this off. Maybe Crystal. Maybe.

Bring It On, Says My Town.

1. Weird. So, my nifty little liberally elite hometown out San Francisco-ed Berkeley and Boulder by banning water bottles. That same day, the big Water Main Break of 2010 occurred -- and barely missed Concord. What are the chances?
2. Who would have thunk it that when I disparaged my state for allowing cousins to marry, way back when I was taking Bar/Bri classes, that I'd get a chance to follow up on it. With a map. See southern states? We're not so different.
3. I want to point out that, yes, the Boston accent typically removes the "R." However, linguistics nerds know that the Boston accent will actually insert the "R" back in to places -- and where it gets inserted back actually makes sense. It gets inserted whenever one word ends with a vowel sound and the next one begins with a vowel sound. For example: A good ol' Masshole will say "the idea is great" as "the idear is great." I spent $50k a year for four years to learn that -- in Massachusetts!

Checking in With Far Too Many Reality Shows.

TOP CHEF MASTERS

Rick Moonen is coming off as unlikeable as the d-bag from Zaytinya.  This week's Top Chef Masters with the Modern Family cast sucked.  Why?  Because there was a commercial previewing the champions round halfway through the episode that gave away that Susur was going to win.  I don't feel bad "spoiling" that for DVR people because Bravo is going to spoil it for you anyway.  At the same time, dude's name is Susur.  Awesome.

 

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

I've been to that extinct volcano in New Zealand that they started off at on this week's ANTM.  Woot!  It reminded me of the time that The Amazing Race had a challenge involving the tanneries in Fez, Morocco--which I've also been to.  FYI, I don't know where Krista was for the first half of the season, but she's kinda owning ANTM now.  I want her to win and for Angelea to go down in flames.

 

AMERICAN IDOL

America, you kicked off Siobhan?  Ugh.  It's not like a care that it's a sausagefest on AI.  I care that you've kicked off all the good--or at least interesting--singers (Siobhan, Didi, Alex, Katelyn) in favor of Aaron Kelly?  Mike Lynche?  GAH.  And yes, I agree, Crystal is going to go the way of Adam Lambert, David Archuleta, Melinda Doolittle, Chris Daughtrey, and Tamyra Gray.  Whatever the demographic of AI used to be, it isn't anymore.  And while I thank whoever is still watching for helping my Kris Allen to win last year, it's really annoying that basically the same guy keeps advancing (Archie, Cookie, Kris, even Adam looks basically like the others, just with more makeup -- well, maybe not more makeup than Cookie).  So congrats, Lee.  You're okay and all, but I'd never cheat on Kris with you.

 

FRESH MEAT II

If you're still not watching Real World / Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II despite all of my glowing praise for the show, then God help you.  Just... amazing.  Also, there's no one more adorable than Landon in this world.  I guarantee.

 

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE

RuPaul's Drag Race is my new favorite reality TV competition.  You can all eat my shorts -- I liked Tatianna, in all her dimwitted ferocity.  But yes, Pandora Boxx is, and always will be, the classiest, funniest, and best broadee of the season.  Also, how Bush League is this production?  It's like the entire thing happens in two rooms--the runway and the workroom.  After Ru delivers a video message to the contestants each episode, immediately afterwards he then just walks into the workroom.  Like, snuh?  Why not just deliver the entire message in one fell swoop?

 

PROJECT RUNWAY

It's been a few weeks but MAN -- this season of Project Runway was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than last season's.  (Karma?  Why, yes, Mean-a Irina.  Congrats on winning the worst season.  Lee DeWyze and you can go commiserate.)  I was thrilled--thrilled I tell you that Seth Aaron won and Emilio, that big piece of arrogant vacuum-of-class, lost.  First, who names their kid Seth Aaron?  Second, did you see how dejected Emilio was?  That the judges dared not crown him?  HIM?  Oh, just bring Anthony back to slap him hard.  Also, Anthony deserves to have a reality show -- in a Hills-esque kind of way.  Either him or Colin Farrell.  Make it happen, TV people.