If I Had Twitter, I'd Basically Only Tweeteritterwitwitiwi About What I Just Ate.

I've had this conversation before, where I've pontificated on who the first person was who decided to eat an egg.  I'm not the originator of this thought, but sadly, in my old age, I can't recall who my source was.  But think, some dude (gender non-specific, I just say dude because I it's my blog and not yours) sees this thing come out the backside of a chicken, and they some how wonder "I wonder what that tastes like?"

 

This came up again last night when I was having dinner with my brother, and I ordered the soft-shell crab.  (One of my all-time favorite noshes.  Fo shiz'.)  Some dude (<-- deal with it) one day looked at this thing crawling around and wondered, "You know, I'm kinda tired.  I'm just going to eat the whole damn thing."  Weirdo.

For Christmas, I Want Either a Kindle Or This.

I don't watch late night TV (because I'm old), but I do like surfing Jimmy Fallon's website. Recently, they did a post about exercise machines, which showed an old time commercial for something called the Hawaii Chair:

I was all like, wow, man, our parents' generation must have been stoo-pid. But then I got super excited because apparently, the Chair is actually a current product. OMG I SO WANT ONE -- and I can have one for the same price as a Kindle! Now who's stupid? Faced.

I Just Can't Get Enough.

I love finding out about old roles of current actors. I still am was a wannabe in my present a former life, so I guess I find something so fascinating about people who've managed to navigate C-movies into fairly decent acting careers.

Case in point: Lambada, which I have never seen (dare I?) was on TV the other day. Apparently, it's such a bad movie that Comcast, it its onscreen directory described it as having a "lame plot." That's like the bus driver telling partiers at a destination that the people he just transported are lawyers. But apparently it starred Michael Scott's one-time paramour Melora Hardin! I was actually more excited at first when I thought it starred Melora Walters, the best thing about Magnolia. (And that's not faint praise, I actually love that movie. I've pulled out the "I'm quietly judging you" line a lot recently. It's handy.)

Another example: Hot Dog... the Movie!, which is so ridiculously offensive (she's supposedly 17 years old) included James Saito, who most recently was on Eli Stone, which was one of those shows like Pushing Daisies that was cancelled because ABC hates baby pandas and piglets.

Danny Gokey Has Fans?

Kris Allen fans and Adam Lambert fans are all like kumbaya together. They [We] get along swimmingly, although it was sort of touch-and-go for bit right after Kris won [kicked Adam's ass] in the finale of AI. But now, many of them [but not me] are self-styled "Kradam" fans. (As if Kris's fans are only Christian and Adam's fans are only gay, and since they get along, their fans do, too. BS. I think it'd be wicked interesting to see what demographics actually compose their fanbases. I'd bet my left foot [DDL reference] that it's not what you think they are.)

Anyhoo, Danny Gokey feels bad because everyone's picking on him and his fans. Just leave it be, dude. Dadam ain't never gonna catch on. And not just because Kris is hotter than you.

Gah.

It's so depressing to leave the office so late that the news monitor in the elevator is off for the day.

A Couple Movie Things.

• Zacquisha's first screen role was in Joss Whedon's Firefly? Oh, you betcha. That's wicked.
• Willow is Professor Flitwick! I had no idea. Righteous! (He was also an Ewok and the Leprechaun!!! Calling Jennifer Aniston!)
  
• I'm sort of intrigued by what seems to be a revival of slasher movies with established actors. There was Vacancy with Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson a couple years ago. Then there was The Strangers with Scott Speedman (he whispers so well) and Liv Tyler last year. And now Steve Zahn, Milla Jovavich, and Timonthy Olyphant are going to be in something called A Perfect Getaway this year. I don't have anything deep and meaningful to say about this. Just brain dumping a bit.
  

It Sucks. Literally.

When comparing a "rivalry" (Federer v. Nadal, Kris v. Adam, Old school Simpsons v. New school Simpsons, etc.), I'm usually not one to diss the other half. Hey, I'm judicious. Even if I like one better than the other, that doesn't mean the other thing isn't cool.

Except for Twilight. Last week, I went to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. While waiting in line (I was an hour and a half early, natch), I nerded out with the people behind me by trashing Twilight. Because Twilight is awful. Just awful.

In other movie news:

-The trailer for Percy Jackson got ridick applause. That made me feel old.
-I applauded after the trailer for Sherlock Holmes. I'm pretty sure that RDJ heard my clapping.
-I also saw (500) Days of Summer over the weekend, which was effin' bril. But this couple in the row in front of me wouldn't stop sucking face. It doesn't really bother me except for the fact that they were sitting in really choice seats in the theater. You know, a couple rows up the stadium, smack dab in the middle. Don't hog the good seats and then not watch the movie. Vachement, uncouth.

A Collection of Random Thoughts.

1. I don't get why the Flintstones and the Rubbles named their kids such babyish names. Did they think they'd never grow up? Barney and Betty named their kid Bam-Bam, and Fred and Wilma named their kid Pebbles. Way to infantilize them forever, or, you know, encourage them to be adult film stars.
2. The blogger who wrote this about the Minnesota Senate election apparently has a memory that only goes back to 2001.
3. Speaking of memories, remember Garbage Pail Kids? I apparently remember them pretty well. (Yes, I'm very bendy - I can pat my own back really with ease and charm.)
4. Kris Allen explained this kick-awesome tweet to E!Online here. Don't worry, Adam, I haven't succumbed to the stoopid side that is Twitter. I'm just a celebrity stalker. Very big difference in amount of coolness.
5. This is from the TED blog, and it is one wicked illusion. The "blue" and the "green" spiral? Yeah. They're the same color. I know. Your mind is so blown right now. For realz:
   

I'm Old.

I'm not quite as in-the-know when it comes to awesome late night TV, i.e., Adam's primetime, because let's face it. I get gassy when I stay up late. It's a growing old thing, I suppose. But a couple things to point add right now: Craig Ferguson has the best opening monologue out of any late night host I've seen, and Jimmy Fallon's clips online of his show the next day make me think he's a natch for the late-late crowd. To wit:



These outtakes are buttah. Also, whoever does Elmo is a witty cookie.

Kris Allen's Favorite Color Is Green. As Is Mine.

Does anyone use a fax machine anymore?

Harper's Island.

I'm sort of obsessed with stories based on Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians (i.e. And Then There Were None). It's just an f'ing brilliant mind-screw to be in a group of people where someone is the killer, and you have to figure out who it is. The movie Clue is one of my all-time favorites. I still remember the Mathnet episode (Square One TV!) that took place during a mystery weekend (which I kinda nerdily want to take part in in real life). I suffered through the terrible (and racistly cast) movie Murder by Death. I trudged through a rancid adaptation of Christie's book that took place on an African safari for some reason. And I kinda even want to see Mindhunters even though I heard it was horrible and I've heard who the killer is.

So this summer, with the lack of decent TV (seriously, my list on the left has never been shorter!), I've let myself watch Harper's Island on CBS, which is about a wedding that takes place on an island and people die one-by-one. OMG, this show was awful--but I couldn't look away. (My doppelganger at EW who does what I do for free for a living agrees.) The story made no sense, and some characters just didn't act like how normal people should. And this island apparently has no inhabitants during a period of time when the weather doesn't seem all that bad. But the show didn't apologize for what it was, and it went about laying down red herrings left and right (that were so dumb, you knew that as soon as one was lain that you could count on that character dying in the next couple of episodes).

But it was cool that CBS went out on a limb for a mini-series/series hybrid--I hope they don't get scared off from this format. And, more importantly, I wish that someday some good writer, and some good director, would team up with some good actors to make an actually good adaptation of And Then There Were None.

A couple of nice surprises:

This dude:


Matt Barr played the would-be best man at the wedding that never was. He's got the presence and the likability to be leading man / star. The interwebs seems to be showing that most watchers of the show wished the most that he survived. He didn't.

And this girl:


Cameron Richardson, who I thought was a poor man's Emilie de Ravin (i.e. Claire on Lost -- whom I don't like on that show and whom I didn't like on Roswell -- so imagine my initial disdain for Cameron), had one of the most surprisingly nuanced performances on the show (that's not a back-handed compliment -- as bad as the story and the writing was, all of the actors were pretty solid).

Lastly, Christopher Gorham's work on the last episode was creepily great. I think the dude needs to eat a burger or five, but he should play darque more often.

Reason No. 1,574,974,024 that Kris Allen is Kick-Awesome.

He is a Saved By the Bell fan.

Listen Up, Y'alls.

An iPhone app that my friend created called JotNot (see my links to the left) got a mention in the New York Times!  Sweetness.  I can't wait until he's filthy rich.

James Franco, Redux.

Way back in history when I wasn't 30, I posted these vids of James Franco being awesome. Apparently, being just awesome wasn't enough. If you recall, he went to UCLA to "learn" stuff, and then he got invited to speak at their commencement this year, and then he was disinvited because he's not smart enough had a scheduling conflict so he couldn't. This is what they missed out on. It almost--almost--beats Conan O'Brien's perfect Class Day speech at Harvard in 2000.

James Franco's Rejected UCLA Commencement Speech from James Franco

In all seriousness, though, if you have never read Conan's speech, read it now. It's the exact opposite of terrible.

Because Dancers Are Pretty.

So last time I talked about SYTYCD. Here's the addiction piece that was kinda... dare I say it? kick-awesome:

I Don't Dance.

I don't do recaps of So You Think You Can Dance regularly because, frankly, I just don't know enough about dance. At least with American Idol, I feel like I know something about music, and can actually distinguish good v. bad instead of just "I liked it" v. "I didn't like it."

Anyhoo, tonight was top 12, and I had some time to kill, so I'm going to blog about it. Also, I've noticed my counter has been decreasing ever since AI ended. I'm guessing that you all aren't quite the Kris Allen stalkers nuts that I am. (I love him. Seriously. Help me.)

This is the last week that the "official" couples dance together, so I'll just go in order:

Ade and Melissa
They have the best chemistry. Is it the mocha thing? The Hostess cupcake? I think it has something to do with the fact that Ade is the most physically strong guy in the competition -- and that translates perfectly with the ballerina in group. I've seen ballet up close (performing in the pit), and the dudes have to be ridick to do what they do. Short of that, Ade is the next best thing. He's got the most to lose by the pair splitting.

Kayla and Kupono
Yeah, this is shallow, but I FRIGGIN HATE HOW KUPONO TALKS. Just kick him off right now so he never has to be interviewed again. I feel bad for Kayla. I can't take my eyes off her. Her stuff in the Mia Michaels contemporary piece about Addiction made my skin tingle. I might not understand dance, but I'm not an idiot who talks like Kupono either. Kupono's gone. I hope.

Jason and Caitlin
The judges just sandbagged this couple, and they are so in the bottom three. On the plus side, Jason took his shirt off. Yup. He did. He took his shirt off. And I'm back. Golly he's a pretty, pretty man. I'm sure Caitlin's a nice girl and all, but she's got the personality of Kupono's speech.

Philip and Jeanine
Sadly, I don't think that Philip is the b-boy that the show wants him to be. He's probably the most telegenic popper the show has ever had. Popping never seems to translate on screen for me, but Philip does it so well, that I get it. But Philip can't handle the different dances. Jeanine on the other hand is a star. Although I think that Kayla is the prima donna, I think Jeanine is a star. The difference for me is that I want to see Kayla dance, but I want to see Jeanine perform.

Randi and Evan
Oh, Evan. You are the flipside of Philip. You're not growing either. And you are stuck with that Droopy Dog face, and that button body. You're a character, but not a lead. He needs his Sideways-vis-a-vis-Paul-Giamatti, and I worry that time is running out. Mia called Randi fat on national tellie. I liked the blue-eyed hip hop that they did tonight. That loop thing Evan did with his hands? Hott.

Brandon and Janette
There is something about Brandon that I find so disingenuous. He's the technically most proficient male dancer... and I think he knows it. But that's spelled doom for past contestants who are so clearly better than everyone else (that dude from season 1, and that black dude who was brother's with that white dude who lost to Benji). So I think that he's trying to act humble, but it's just reading as fake. His story is completely overwhelming Janette, too, which sucks because I didn't realize that she's actually a ballroom dancer. More than anyone, she's transcended genres, but that's not coming out. Sure, their Tango and their Jazz routines were a-mah-zing tonight, but I sort of hate them for that. Yup, petty. But I've never claimed otherwise.

The bottom three couples:
Jason and Caitlin
Philip and Jeanine
Kayla and Kupono (although Randi and Evan should be here)

Caitlin and Kupono will go home.

My favorite girls: Kayla, Melissa, and Jeanine, in that order.
My favorite guys: Jason . . . . He's so pretty.

People Who Don't Take Themselves Too Seriously Are Awesome.

Go on with your bad selves, Michigan coppers.

Random Coincidence.

I had never heard of oil of cloves before a few weeks ago when it played a key role in Marathon Man, a book I just finished reading (for more, see my sidebar over there <----). And now I've picked up The Stone Diaries--I'm working my way through the Pulitzers--and oil of cloves shows up again.

True, this is a massively nerdy blog entry, but come on! OIL OF CLOVES! It's so special they don't even call it "clove oil." Take that olives and peanuts!

Oh No!

Don't die, Ron Weasley! Harry Potter needs you!