American Idol 8: The Top 9.

Another non-live live blog for you all tonight. It's 8:16pm. Start your engines!

• Whoa. Opening tableau, and we've got some HAIR going on with Scott and Allison. Kris looks like perfection.
• Simon's classing it up a bit with an actual sweater.
• Why does Ryan wear a tie-clip? He's not cooking anything.
• DAVID SPADE sighting! Talk about needing a new haircut. Harry Hamlin, too!
• Yup, Kris and Allison are seatbuddies in the car over to the AT40 taping. They are so brother-sister. You know, Ryan is actually a fairly good radio DJ. He sucks as an on-air personality.

1. Anoop Desai. I'm glad he tamed his hair. And Usher is a great choice for him. The sneer he has while singing the song is a little distracting though. OMG. I totally was typing what Paula is saying -- about good voice, but bad stage presence. I can't get over how on point Paula is this season. Ooh, Ryan is baiting him. You know that Anoop is going to name a chair Kara backstage and then kick it.

2. Megan Joy. Bob Marley? For reals? Oh wow, I can hear VFTW fainting with (Megan) joy. Why does it sound like she sings with a faux-Madonna-accent? Her left arm wants to dance, but her booty isn't having any of that. Uh oh, Kara's face just tells it all. Paula is totally calling her on her movement. I hate Simon's hair.

3. Evil Gokey. Ooh, Rascal Flatts. I think this could be great. Danny makes a good point. The judges go after song choice, but the contestants are so ham-tied by clearing rights. YIKES. He's out of tune! Watch the spittle, Evil. I didn't think it was that good. Ok, I know I'm not the biggest Danny fan, but I don't think it was nearly as good as the judges are saying it was.

4. Allison Iraheta. GUITAR! No Doubt! Oh, perfect song choice. Hey, Anoop, this is how to do a sneer. Yah, the 16-year old knows how to sneer, and you don't. I love you Allison, but you have GOT to stop wearing leggings. Um, Paula, when someone is "skating" by, that's not a good thing. Oh, I love how unaffected she is when she answers Ryan's questions.

5. Scott McIntyre. First it was pink pants. Now it's his hair. High-and-tight does NOT suit you dude.

6. Matt Giraud. Hmm, scruffy is good. Humble interview. That works well. Whisky Tango Foxtrot is he doing in the center of that audience? Is this 1983? Is he even enunciating? I feel like he's about to start drumming with one arm or walk through a charcoal sketch. Maybe even Jessica Hahn will start crawling on his car hood. He totally made a new song song dated. Oh, can Simon critique a guy without saying Evil's name? I know that his shirt says "massage" but his open jacket is cutting it off and making it say "ass age."

7. Lil Rounds. Celine. This song was done by Anthony Fedorov (one of my all-time faves) and Kelly Clarkson. Big shoes. I love her hair this week. I actually don't think that Lil works as a diva balladeer. I think she's better as a funky soulstress -- a la Mary J. Blige. I disagree with Kara, I don't think it was effortless. Lil has attitude, and she needs to sing that way. Oh jeez, Lil is crying. She's safe.

[Editor's note: Caught up. And they just announced Adam. KRIS HAS THE PIMP SPOT THIS WEEK!]

8. Adam Lambert. Wild Cherries. Oh, please don't shriek. I'm changing up No Doubt. DON'T SHRIEK. The Travolta pompadour and the bell-bottoms work. Hey Blind-Scott, this is how you do a throwback and not seem lame and stoopid. Why does he have to friggin' shriek the ending? Uh oh, this kind of energy can help the next singer, or it can kill it. Kara's right, Adam keeps you guessing... in a good way.

[SIDE NOTE: Why are the Osbournes still popular?]

9. Kris Allen. He's rocking that henley. He's playing the pi-a-nah! GOOSE BUMPS. That dynamic change was amazing. I kinda wish he didn't do that last note falsetto though. Yeah. He looks so good in that shirt.

The Best: Kris.
Almost in the Best category, but Kris was better: Adam.
Take 'em or leave 'em: Lil, Danny, Allison, Anoop.
Terrible, just terrible: Megan, Matt, Scott.
Best hair: Lil, Kris, Adam.
Worst hair: Scott, Allison.
Weirdest Madonna moment: Megan.
Bottom three: Matt, Megan, Anoop.
Bottom two: Matt, Megan.
Going home: Megan.

Another Year.

I just resigned my lease for my apartment for another year to lock in the current rate that I have.  It's a gamble, because my lease doesn't come up for renewal until another 3 months, and if the economy keeps tanking, then I just shot myself in the foot for 14 more months.

 

But my neighborhood doesn't seem like it's going to be as threatened as some other neighborhoods.  Also, a friend of mine pointed out that with the economy tanking, people might be switching from owning to renting to ride out the storm -- which would help stabilize rents at least for the next couple months.  So all in all, I'm pretty satisfied with my decision.

 

And to celebrate another year in my place, my, um, excitable neighbors have just gone on a bender, and um, made spaghetti 4, maybe 5, times in the past 7 days.  Yes, that's a lot of spaghetti.  And let me tell you, she must be Italian, because her, um, vocal appraisal of spaghetti is just as loud as the first day he cooked it for her.

 

Yay.  One more year of this.

New Spring Shows.

I finally got around to watching the premiere of Kings on NBC. If you hadn't heard, Kings was originally supposed to replace ER on Thursdays (and thus save NBC from oblivion and cure cancer). But while Julianna Margulies finally decided to come back to say goodbye (because you know, her post-ER career is SO Clooney-esque), NBC has quietly decided to keep Kings on Sundays. Instead, a show called Southland with broody-guy from The O.C. is taking ER's place, to resurrect NBC from the bowels of being constantly compared to, forbid, FOX.

Kings was kinda cool actually... until the last 30 minutes of the premiere (David speechifies to tanks on the front line and makes them stop a war that was restarted on a broken truce? Really?) It's basically a David-vs.-Goliath based story that takes place in what the U.S. might be if it were a monarchy. This solves two problems right off the bat: a roadmap for an awesome plot and a mechanism for short-circuiting political intrigue. In the first hour and a half, pretty much every character gets shown as an archetype... with shades of complexity that make for an awesome soap. I'm particularly fond of Ian McShane as King Silas, who could have made the king some showboaty-House/Shark/Monk/other cranky lead, but instead dialed him back. There's nothing quite as mysterious as a lead who doesn't show all his cards.

I like what they did with David -- his actions for the most part seem pretty organic. It's a little odd that he'd go to a banquet in his honor without any family members; it seems like he has a pretty solid family life. The twist that the symbol of his bravery is a lucky sham is a little cliche, but it gets the job done.

I hate his love interest, the princess, who looks like a young Sally Field, and that is NOT a good thing.

The prince, being "secretly" gay is a nice little twist. I'm hoping that the gay-character-as-villain-cliche will be kept in check.

I'm also intrigued by the queen, who constantly says she doesn't like to get involved with politics, but who seems the best at it. The Lady MacBeth comparison is a little too strong here. Not to mention the whole evil-brother-in-law thing.

I'm sticking with this show for now, although my whole foray into Castle went belly-up (Castle is just awful... Nathan Fillion deserves WAY better). I'm curious though about Southland. Not only did it displace the Show-That-Was-Supposed-To-Save-NBC-Because-Heroes-Didn't, it's replacing ER, the show that gave us Noah Wyle. Them thar is big ol' shoes ta fill.

Indulging My Love for Kris Allen.

Although this is the eighth season of American Idol, it is only the fourth time that they have used the format of taking the top 2 or 3 from "random" semi-final rounds to compose the Top 10 (or 13 this year).

Interesting trivia: of the previous 3 times, the two finalists have always come from the same semi-final group.

• In season 1, Kelly and Justin were in the same semis.
• In season 2, Ruben and Clay were in the same semis (and K.Lo, the third place finisher, was also in their semi).
• In season 3, Fantasia and Diana were in the same semis.

Of course this is meaningless, but it's kinda cool for a nutjob like myself (and Michael Slezak of EW) who are starting to like the idea of an Adam Lambert-Kris Allen-Allison Iraheta top 3. What do they have in common? They were all in the same semi.



I'm jamming this post here, too, because I don't want to overwhelm with American Idol musings.
Frankly, I've been too busy lately to splurge my deepest innermost feelings about American Idol this season more than a couple times a week (I know, I'm sure it feels like a lot more). But even work can't stop me from fully dissecting a recent report from EW, who sends a reporter to AI tapings to report back about what goes on behind the scenes (it's awesome to learn about what it live, what isn't, and what plays well in person vs. on tv). To wit...

Adam and Danny as expected are popular, but Kris apparently is creeping up:

Quick scan of signs (heavy on the Adam, Danny, Kris) before Your!Top!10! emerged to take their places for the cold open . . .

Regarding Kris's last note during his perf:

Retained enough hearing to really enjoy Kris's take on "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)," especially his killer last note, and I have something to tell you now that you will find SHOCKING and you may want to BRACE YOURSELF FOR: Remember that one time when, at the end of Kris's song, Paula complimented him on said killer last note, because it was "a high A or something like that"? Yeah. I checked. It was more or less a high A. Zwa-huh? Dummy say what? DOES PAULA ABDUL HAVE PERFECT PITCH? I do not know. I am equal parts terrified and impressed by that woman's sudden flirtation with lucidity.

Seriously. Paula's actually the most relevant judge this season? It's like the threat of another female judge has put Paula on her A-game.

Debbie the Stage Manager -- who is, as regular readers know, my true American Idol -- hugged Kris on his way out.

I'm betting Evil Gokey doesn't get a hug. And on to evidence that some contestants are genuinely nice:

...when all the contestants came out during the song clips to close the show, young Allison was swept off her feet by Kris Allen in the biggest DUDE YOU JUST ROCKED THAT hug I've ever seen. Those two continued to party with each other under the video, spreading their lovefest to Adam by fake-bowing when his clip played, and grooving to everything else. I like the idea that Kris and Allison comprise some sort of Actually Have A Soul Patrol. I'm going to keep an eye on those two.

If you've been stalking watching this season as I have, you've got to have noticed that those two are like brother and sister. It's sweet. Plus, I've learned from US Weekly that Kris and Adam are roomies in the mansion.

I Extend EW's Readership by Ten... People.

EW.com had a tribute to Paul Rudd, the awesomest normal white guy ever, by pulling this gem out of the before-they-were-stars attic:



Ah, ah, ah, en francais!

The Reader.

Although, I'm awesome and help spread peace around the interwebs, I am also humble enough to give credit where due.

 

For a while, I resisted using Google Reader because I thought it was too much information to handle at once (weird, since the whole point of it is to organize too much information into something palatable).  What can I say?  I was born during the transition period between Gen X and Gen Y, so the whole interconnectedness of the world is not threatening, it's just ill-fitting.

 

But with the constant chirping of Adam, I've been slowly using it more and more, and now I can't stop.  Google Reader, I want to have your babies.  And we can have lots of them, because I know deep in my heart that you can organize them all for easy tracking.

American Idol 8: The Top Ten.

Smokey, Smokey, Smokey, you may have the bluest eye, but don't be so friggin' deferential to these scrubs. Tonight was just a bizarre night on Motown: Idol Style:

1. Matt Giraud: B. He always appears bitter. Maybe it's the poor tooth-to-gum ratio (see picture below). A solid take on a cliched song. I don't think his falsetto is nearly as good as he or the judges think it is.


2. Kris Allen: A. Screw it. I'm sick of trying to be all objective. I think he's an awesome singer, with a limber voice. The Jason Mraz comparisons are apt, and that's a good thing.

3. Scott McIntyre: D. Really? You put paisley and pink pants on the blind guy? There's a special place for you in hell, AI Wardrobe People. Also, I know he's blind, but does he have to hold his fingers up like he's, um, special, too?

4. Megan Joy-Does-she-have-a-last-name-or-not-make-up-your-damn-mind: D. Wow. You had Randy singing "vibrato" to show you "how" it's done. And Carmen Miranda called. She has your bananas.

5. Anoooooooooooooop: C+. It may be a beautiful song, but your left eye fell asleep during it. How do you think I held up? (This critique may be influenced by the current state of the Sweet Sixteen).

6. Michael Sarver: B-. He wants to "church it up." MAN. I love the phrases that are coming out of Idol this year!

7. Lil Rounds: C. I was really uncomfortable with the way that Simon kept saying that he expected Lil to have a Moment (a la Fantasia's Summertime or Katherine McPhee's Over the Rainbow). I'll be even more uncomfortable if she's booted for being bad. And I was downright confused that they thought that her J.Lo hair was pretty.


8. Adam Lambert: A. Okay, Mr. Ken Doll. You win this round. Of the three Evil Trinity Pimpettes, you have the best chance of being someone I'll root for. And how unintentionally hilarious is it that Randy praised him for being able to "straighten it up." WOW. I hate to admit it, but you are indeed surprising -- in a good way.

9. Evil Gokey: B. "He's been in the industry way longer than I have." - Danny Gokey referring to Smokey Robinson when deciding whether he should heed Smokey's advice. Douche. Bag.

10. Allison Iraheta: A. That was pretty ridick. Go on with your bad self. But never wear leggings again.

The Best: Adam, Allison, Kris (how awesome of a top 3 would that be?)
I just don't see what the big deal is: Matt, Lil
Stop pointing at me and calling it "dancing" or "inspiration": Gokey
Flats? With that dress? Really?: Megan
That dress? Really?: Paula
The Worst: Megan, Scott, Michael
Should Go Home: Michael
Will Go Home: Megan

I Heart I Love You Man.

This is a bromantic comedy.  And it is kick-awesome.  Three things occurred to me whilst watching it.

 

Observation the First: I still think Paul Rudd's arms are freakishly short.

 

Observation the Second: Who is the target audience for this movie?  I can't believe I'm being as close-minded as a movie studio exec by wondering this, but let's be real.  It's not a chick flick.  It's not a date movie.  It's not a gross out toilet humor film.  Like, are enlightened men going to go on man-dates to watch this movie?  I pray that it does well in the box office, even if it doesn't jive with the typical marking schemes we all hate.

 

Observation the Third: Uggs look really damn comfortable.

Go Sox.

Love it.

Kiss!

The plural of "bus" can either be "buses" or "busses."  Neither looks correct to me.  It's like one of those words that the more you stare at, the less sense it makes.  Like "mouth."  I keep wanting it to be pronounced like "moothe."

 

It's been suggested that buses is preferable to busses because "buss" is its own word, meaning a sloppy wet kiss.  I don't really know what context would lead to confusion over whether "busses" referred to many wet slobbery things or to many large metallic people-holders, but--boy howd--would I ever like to know about it when it does occur.

American Idol 8: The Top 11 at the Grand Ole Opry.

I'm short on time, so I'm going to non-live-live-blog tonight's Top 11 Grand Ole Opry Show. I'm starting my DVR playback about, oh, 35 minutes in. Let's see if I catch up.

-Does Simon even care anymore? His t-shirt looks like a laundry-day t-shirt.
-In high-def, Ryan looks like he's wearing lipstick today.
-Whoa, Megan looks pissed.

Michael Sarver:
-Why did his backdrop just look like red blood cells multiplying?
-I think Michael fits this genre perfectly. Ok, first agreement of the night with Paula. Let's see how many times that happens tonight.
-"If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need this show." SERIOUSLY. This is exactly why the whole Adam-Danny-Lil triptych annoys me.

Allison Iraheta:
-Wow, total Kelly Clarkson vibe.
-And thank God she didn't Ashlee-Simpson that dance.
-Paula just asked her to allow herself to be vulnerable. Jebus. That's twice.
-Randy Travis has awful tooth-to-gum ratio. You know what I mean.

Kris Allen:
-"Strip it down like that." Do! Please!
-Garth. Hmm. Imagine growing up with that name. "Garth!"
-Goose. Bumps.
-Those pants suck though, dude.
-Who knew that he had a good voice, Randy? I KNEW.
-"Tender Puppy." Oh, man, that's a keeper.

Lil Rounds:
-Oooh. She's doing a song that Carrie did in Season 4.
-"Great advice." Yeah, you know, Randy Travis is sort of successful. And you're not.
-Everything was technically perfect. But I was just not moved by that at all. It left me cold. OMG, I agree with Randy!
-Oh, yay, Kara made a disability joke... in a season with a blind singer.
-We're only on singer number 4, and Paula's sedatives are already saying hi to the "water" in her cup.
-Lil looks piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed at Simon. Not used to bad criticism? Hmm... she saved it with that last spiel.

Adam Lambert:
-Adam has bad skin. I know, I shouldn't judge.
-Gross. The judges are gonna spooge over this. I can already tell. I hope Simon keeps it "real" and tears him a new one.
-Adam just "hit" one of those notes that Kara didn't know exists. Kara, there's a lot you don't know.
-Are Randy Travis's teeth dentures?
-I adore Simon.
-Oh, Ryan just made fun of Taylor Hicks. Declasse dude.

Scott McIntyre:
-Do you think that the producers are going to throw Scott under the bus so that he doesn't get to go on the tour? What? The producers would never manipulate the show. Never.
-Really audience? I didn't think Scott was that good.
-Paula! Three times! I agree! Lose the piano!
-"We can move it closer." Touche, dude.

Alexis Grace:
-You're wearing clothes! Lovely!
-She has a big head.
-Yeah, there's something that didn't work with this song.
-Shut UP, Kara, you want people to do the same thing every single f-ing week. Let people change it up. Listen to Paula. (Four times.)

Danny Gokey:
-Seriously, how many different colors does he have of those eyeglass frames?
-Remember when Danny said he wasn't going to do songs that other Idols have done because he doesn't want to show them up? Huh. Apparently he thinks he's better than Carrie. Heresy.
-Why do I feel like Danny is preaching? That's the difference between him and Kris and Michael. Those two are worship leaders, too, but they lead by example. It's not so in-your-face.
-Paula is falling out her dress. And no, Carrie, would not buy that record.

Anoop Desai:
-Ooh.. he gets the first split screen of the night. That's almost better than the pimp slot.
-It seemed just really really slow. But I like his voice. But I don't like the gap between his teeth. He still needs a decent haircut.
-Oh, Anoop is not surprised. Tongue-in-cheek conceit is fun.

Megan Corkrey:
-Has she ever not used the mike stand?
-Why does she overenunciate everything?
-She's sick? Oh man. Matt is totally going to catch the germs from the mike. Pimp slot backfires!

And my DVR has caught up.

Matt Giraud:
-I'm really scared of Randy Travis's teeth. Them thar ain't na-trul.
-Is Paula sniffing Simon's forearm?
-I like this rendition in theory. But it just seems like Matt is out of tune. Throughout. Just underneath the pitch. I wonder if it was better live.
-And Paula's already ready for the after-party.
-Simon, you know who keeps talking about Adam and Danny? YOU.
-Matt doesn't have good tooth-to-gum ratio either.

I thought Megan didn't make the dress rehearsal? The telephone numbers are rolled over their dress perfs. Conspiracy I tells you.

The Best: Kris. Anoop.
Close behind, but I think there will be just as many people who hated it: Adam. Megan. Matt.
Decent, but totally forgettable: Alexis. Lil. Michael. Danny. Allison.
Memorable, for the wrong reasons: Scott.
Most in need of a style revamp: Lil. How many different necklines can you put on the same dress?
Most in need of a good haircut: Tie between Anoop and Scott. And throw in Simon for looking like a slag.
Reminded me of a G.I.Joe figure: Danny. He might have skinnier legs than Ryan, too.
Times I agreed with Paula: Four.
Times I disagreed with Kara: A number so big Kara didn't even know it existed!
Bottom three: Michael, Scott, and... Allison. I thought Allison was better than Lil, but this is a situation where Lil's screen time is going to help her.
Going home: Michael. It should be Scott, but that audience reacted way, way more enthusiastically than I expected. And the piano joke was funny.

I Heart HIMYM?

Oh, Jason Segel, I didn't think it was possible, but the absolute value of my disdain for poor grammar might just trump my love for How I Met Your Mother.  In an interview at the SXSW Film Festival, he was promoting his new movie "I Love You, Man" with Paul Rudd (which movie I can't wait to see).  The interviewer asked them what some of their favorite buddy movies are:

 

One of my favorites was Swingers. Me and Seth Rogen were young when that came out. I was probably 17. And the notion that Jon Favreau had written that gave Seth and I a lot of inspiration. Like, if these guys are doing that, that's what we should be doing.

 

Double whammy barf.

 

Also, I think I like Seth Rogan because he's basically a Muppet, and Muppets rock bunnies.

Another Life Story.

Yet another reason Damien Lewis and Life on NBC are awesome: Damien's character, Charlie Crews, is obsessed with fresh fruit because he was wrongly in the slammer for a lot of years.  On last week's ep, he encounters genetically engineered grapes, is confused, and tries to guess what kind they are.  He eliminates Concord grapes as a possibility... and he pronounces "Concord" correctly.

 

Not like that slutty mother who named her kids after where she conceived them.

This American Life.

Since I walk to work, I can't really read a book or the newspaper like I could on the subway or on the train, and I can't really listen to the radio (do they make pocket one's anymore?) like I could in my car.  So I've started listening to podcasts.  I'm totally addicted.

 

On a recent episode of This American Life, Ira Glass and the people from Planet Money (another kick-awesome podcast) put together a show that explained in laymen's terms the whole banking crisis.  It was really well done, even if I already sort of knew what was going on, as I've been following this story (yes, in part for my job).

 

But what struck me as awesome was that Ira introduced the episode by saying stuff like "maybe you've been trying to follow the story but it's too complicated" or "maybe you've decided to sit this story out... I sat out Kosovo -- I'm not proud of it, but hey" or something like that.

 

I totally stopped in my tracks.  It's so true.  I'm a pretty smart cookie (oh, how modest am I in the morning?).  And so there are some news stories that for whatever reason I decided to jump on the months-long train ride and try and follow it.  Banking crisis?  Yup.  Firing of the US Attorneys?  You betcha.  Kosovo?  Oh, yeah, I totally sat that one out. 

 

Not the most earth-shattering realization, I, ahem, realize, but the way Ira said it, I totally understood what he was getting at.

Go Blue!

Duke is currently playing Florida State in the ACC tourney finals. This is the action shot on the front page of Yahoo! sports. Apparently, I was wrong, and the Velociraptors are playing the Goldfish.

What better time than now to celebrate some Scheyer Face? Yeah. Sweet.

A Penny for My Thoughts.

I'm not troubled by substitute meat. I get it. I also think it's extra charming that substitute meat names are like porn titles in that they take perfectly pleasant words skew them just so. It's loveable.

But just because they don't contain meat doesn't mean they shouldn't follow common sense. I did some investigating, and Tofurky is apparently pronounced "toe-fur-kee" and not "toe-foor-kee." This means that the "turkey" root of the word is controlling the middle syllable, and not the "tofu" part of the word. And yet... the word isn't spelled "tofurkey."

I accept this choice to refrain from meat. But I draw the line at bad grammar.

Waste.

Purple and blue "highlighters" don't.

From 13 to 11.

Kris Allen is safe! And was once again paired off with Megan for the results. Do you think she's starting to resent him because he's always there when she loses? Or love him even more for helping Scott appreciate the mansion they're living in (watch closely - he does)? BTW, I have to give kudos to Scott for working the choreography tonight.

What's with Kanye, one of the most stylish men in America, sporting a Canadian tuxedo?

Michael Johns losing was a shock?

Oh, and this is ultra-cool. Michael Jackson owns a patent for this contraption that allows him do the the anti-gravity lean live (made famous in the Smooth Criminal video).

Some people hate VFTW, but I totally "get" what they're trying to do (although the past couple years, they've really been totally ineffectual). Also, their commentator, Professor Chan, is kick awesome.

Makes Sense.

A friend of mine told me about she got a parking ticket because of the spring-forward daylight saving shift. That's gotta be, like, a high holy day for meter-maids.

Not quite as cool as Arizona, though.

You just know that the Navajo meter-maids are laughing at the Hopi and the Arizonian meter-maids, though. Suckas.

AI: The Top 13 Sing Michael Jackson.

Oh, Anoop. What hath thou done. Ghosts of Sanjaya came screaming back tonight. But you had the cutest parents in your montage! And you finally got a haircut, even if it was a little Danny Zuko. I think you're safe though...

Because Jasmine sucked. I couldn't tell if Paula was still crying from Danny, or starting to cry anew(p?) at how bad the wannabe Disney Princess was.

And Jorge will join you in the cellar. When Paula and Simon talked about the stage overwhelming the unprepared, they might as well have been talking directly to him.

Other than that, though, I thought this ep was kinda kick-awesome. I don't know if it's that Michael Jackson songs rock or what.

I totally loved Michael(!) and Megan tonight. Sure, his facial contortions to hit the high notes were not pretty on HD, but the bluesuit cleans up nice. And she was very "I'm the host of a kids show" quirky... in a good way.

Where does Danny get the same frames for his glasses but in different colors? Where did Adam get that blue leather jacket? Frankly, I'm so over them. And having Paula call the finals now just shows what a sham this show has been (and yet I keep watching). What's the point of watching the show for 10 weeks if there's no competition? And I really don't think that Adam has the mainstream pull that David Cook did last year to be a genre artist who wins AI. And I also think that Adam's "humility" is as fake as Paula's weave.

I still watch this horrid show, though, because of the dim hope that an unknown like Kris or Alexis will topple the goliath pimping of the producers. Alexis wasn't great tonight, and she's gone a bit too dirrty -- time to scale it back and show some 40's glam. Think film noir sultry. That is, if she isn't doomed by the Phone Number Debacle of Season 8. Kris was bril. I'm pretty sure he helped the other contestants (right on, Kara!) because he's a decent guy (suck it, Paula), who'll sacrifice the tween vote to admit that he loves his wife (faced! Simon - and boy did she look pissed) and do all that while Jason Mrazing it up (Randy, "very-well-job-done," idiot, I can't believe you're a successful music producer). Yeah, I'm biased, but the Brad Pitting of his hair and the surprising guns his arms are packin' are slick.

And lastly, while they were decent, I can't seem to get excited about Scott (I know he's blind, but SOMEONE has to fix his hair) or Allison (I love the indestructability of being sixteen, but I'm getting a 1-dimensional vibe from her) or Lil (I swear her voice doesn't resonate or echo) or Matt (ummm).

The best of the bunch tonight, in no real order: Michael, Megan, Adam.
Nipping at their heels: Kris, Danny, Lil, Matt.
Take 'em or leave 'em: Allison, Scott, Alexis.
Bottom 3: Anoop, Jasmine, Jorge.
Worst song: P.Y.T. by Danny.
Worst song choice for the individual singer: Bad by Anoop.
Best song: Black or White by Adam.
Best song choice for the individual singer: Rockin' Robin by Megan.
Awesomest parent: Alexis's Jerry Garcia of a dad.

Going home: Jasmine.

The Finals!

I'm such a nerd.  I haven't been this excited for the American Idol finals as a whole in a while.  Last year, the drama over the fact that at least a third of the finalists had previously had recording contracts was overwhelming.  The year before that, the best singer's signature was "My Funny Valentine" (snore) and was all about Sanjaya.  Before that was the Taylor Hicks year.  Sure, there have been bright spots, like Blake's "You Give Love A Bad Name", Jason Castro's song choices, and the fact that every winner seems to be what AI is about (giving people a chance), even if other finalists seem a bit too preened for celebridom (PIckler, you make me puke).

 

Here's what I'm looking forward to tonight:

• Kris, Alexis, and Anoop.  Three people who seem truly genuine - embarrassed by the attention, but eager to learn and grow and entertain.
• Adam, Danny, and Lil.  The conspiracy!  They are all amazing singers, and they most certainly didn't decide to be the Producers' Pets, but the Big Bads they are... the Yankees, the ManU.  I like to root against the popular choices (sort of like Adam).
• Is Danny going to sing We Are the World?  You know he wants to.  Is someone going to dare touch Billie Jean a mere year after Cook claimed it as his?  Allison might just be stupid / reckless / fearless enough to do so.  Who's the poor sap that's going to get stuck with Ease on Down the Road?  My money's on Ricky Braddy.  (What, he's not in the finals?  I'm sure the producers will find yet another way to sandbag him.)
• Michael's "dancing."  Megan's "dancing."
• Seacrest's hipster casual look this season.

Here's what I'm not:

• Scott's pitch, Jasmine's tone, Matt's vibrato, and Megan's high notes.  They are all limited singers.  They'll be fine for a few weeks, but as the genres change and they are forced to be versatile, the weaknesses will become evident.
• Michael Jackson week.  Really?  The judges call this a contestant killer, and you're going to make it Week 1's theme?
• Paula calling the girls beautiful, as if that will make them feel better for doing a crappy job on national television.  At this point, it's so obviously a backhanded comment, I actually cringe hearing it from her.
• The pit audience.  Especially if they wave their arms and sway.  I hate them.  I hate them with a passion.

And on an unrelated note, last night I learned that Justin Long was the voice of Alvin in the live-action Alvin and the Chipmunks movie.

So, Two Will Go Down, But How?

AI still hasn't clarified the telephone issue.  But at least they've explained that the Top 13 decision isn't really that big of a deal because two are going home this week.  I can totally see the producers resolving the phoneline problem by just not giving a number to call to one of the contestants (Sarver maybe?  No, wait, Ricky Braddy so they can toy with him one more time).  I just hope they choose a good going home song a la Daughtry's Home or Ferras's Hollywood's Not America.  Even a Daniel Powter "Bad Day" would be preferable to that dreary Ruben Studdard "Celebrate Me Home" crap they had last year.

 

Let's celebrate home Sarver and Jasmine, shall we?

It's a Family Show. Just Not Your Family.

This is hilarious. In all of the AI producers' machinations to manipulate the audience, they've stumbled across a bit of a snafu by going to a Top 13 format for the finals. One of the commenters put it nicely and succinctly:

JJRRutgers Mar 8th, 2009 at 8:19 pm

1-866-IDOLS-01 through 12 is owned by AI.
1-866-IDOLS-13 through 99 & 00 is owned by a phone sex line. That’s the skinny.

As the producers know, the dialing public in America isn't the brightest bulb in the shop, so futzing with new numbers is going to be a mess. The current speculation to avoid this, ahem, impending iceberg seems to be "immunity" of some sort for a contestant each week.

Immunity challenges! Favoritism! Conspiracy! I hate/love/puke on/adore this show.

I'm Not Trying To Be Mean. I'm Trying To Be Helpful.

This is all in good fun. Smile, you're on TV!

Take Kelly Clarkson, La Originelle, and run her through the vaguely-ethnic-machine, and you get Allison Iraheta.




Take Robert Downey Jr., and subtract his rakish charm, and add a lot of holier-than-thou smugness. You get Danny Gokey.




This is more of a vibrato thing... Matt Giraud resembles a goat.




Don't get me wrong. I think Megan Corkrey is pretty. But she shares Cruella's bone structure. And Hula Girl's dance moves.





Michael Sarver is a Dancing Polar Bear!

Ingredients!

Barbecue Flavored Baked Lays have:

 

Leavening.  What's being leavened?  These chips are flatter than Matzo.

Chicken Fat.  Mmmmmmmmmm.

Corn Syrup Solids.  There's something solid in corn syrup?

And Torula Yeast.  This is a by-product of paper production.

 

Awesome.

Fark You, A. Idol.

For putting the Wednesday results show on at 9pm.  Since when?  Hasn't it always been on at 8pm?  Is this an attempt to muscle Lost out of the way?  Granted, I have like 7 unwatched episodes of Lost DVRed, but I will get to them.  Despite my love-hate relationship with the show, I intend to stay faithful to J.J. et al.  (The problem is that I DVR Life on NBC, which really belongs on USA, but is nonetheless the best procedural on TV right now.)

 

And it would have worked out at 8pm.  Because ANTM is airing encores on Fridays, so I could have gotten Scrubs and you in together on Wednesdays.

 

Hmm... I don't watch enough TV, says I... sarcasmicalfully.

Everyone's DVR/TiVo Cut Out the Last Two Minutes.

Way to piss off your dwindling audience, AI.

But yeah, I'm just kick-awesome. Either that, or the producers are making it SO obvious who they want to advance, that there's no surprise.

American Idol 8: The Third 3 Finalists and WILD CARD!

Jebus, I'm good. So there's 9 of the top 12... Danny, Alexis, Michael, Kris, Adam, Allison, Jorge, Lil, and Scott. I'll do a full assessment once the complete top 12 is done... but for now, I'll look at it in terms of the wild cards.

A couple obvious notes:

• With only 3 girls so far, the girls have a better chance of snagging 2 of the 3 wild cards. The judges have stated (I can't find the link right now) that gender parity is not required, but that doesn't mean they won't give a slight nudge one way.
• Only 3 people of color. That means that Jasmine, Anoop, and Tatiana have a leg up. Yeah yeah, there's no aff-ac per se, but the producers aren't going to just let this slide.

In order, here's who I think have the best shots:

THE SURE THINGS:
Anoop. Duh. He barely missed out on a legit selection. Turns out the economy is hotter right now than Slumdog Millionaire (yeah, I went there).
Megan. The judges love her to pieces. Hula-girl brings a completely different sound with her, which is what will hurt Matt and Ricky.

A CLUB TO THE KNEE MIGHT HELP:
Jasmine. She stands to benefit the most by the double aff-ac going on. I'm a little peeved that her wild card chance didn't go to Anne Marie or Felicia, but her Disney-ready persona must be giving Simon a semi.
Matt. He's had the most favorable early round screen time... which also led to a sourpuss face when he lost to Kris. Kris's win hurts both him and Ricky because they all fit the "soulful white guy" role. If Matt can tweak it and get more piano-man-y, and less folksy, I think he has a chance. He'll need a bit of a face-plant by Jasmine to help his chances.

FOD. DER.
Ricky. Poor guy. He gets talked up by Paula. Then loses his slot to Kris. He has a name ripe for a fan base a la Soul Patrol or McPheever. Then has his website shut down by the producers. Now he has to compete against Matt, who has the blessing of the producers, in a round where the judges choose.
Von. What do the judges see in him? HE HAS NO UPPER LIP.
Tatiana. Ratings gold! I can't tell if it's symbiotic that she and the show are using each other or if she's just that stupid.
Jesse. The judges said it themselves, she was a last minute switch. Megan is prettier, jazzier, and more likeable. Thanks for playing.

The judges are going to be making insta-decisions, and I can't watch the show live, so no pre-results wrap-up here. Ah, well. I'm looking forward to the top 12 finally being done, so we can see how the show choreographers will continue to work around the fact that Scott can't see. Did you know he's blind? AI will remind you, just in case you decide to actually listen to his crappy singing.

American Idol 8: The Third 12!

Here are my pre-game predictions.

This show is almost too predictable. Pimp spot to Lil Rounds? Check. Pimp Ju'Not Joyner despite a ho-hum perf? Check. Crush Kristin MacNamara despite a great perf? Check.

I'll say this, though, I think that Lil is the only one of the evil trinity who I actually think is deserving of the attention. Taking on Mary J. Blige, and making it through is worth a clap or two. (By the way, I heart Kris Allen, but he needs to stop clapping like Paula.)

In a just world, Jorge Nunez would take the top guy spot. There's something earnest about him, and his perf was the best guy's by far. I was impressed.

The third spot is going to go to Alex Wagner Trugman, Scott McIntyre, or Felicia Barton. I think Felicia made a mistake in doing the same song that is getting all those YouTube hits. She did it better on YouTube. Scott's likeable, but I can't get past how crappy his hairdo is. And his brother on second viewing isn't hot. Alex has the dubious honor of being the VFTW pick of the week--beating out Elton Newton-Loaf. He's the anti-Jesse Langseth: insanely likeable personality, but with the same weirdly affective voice. He's got a bit of Sanjaya and JPL in him... and that's huge.

Von Smith was ok, but you can drive a Mack truck through his mouth. Arianna Afsar takes the obligatory pretty girl with a good voice crashes and burns (say hi to Anne Marie and Megan!). It's too bad because you can tell she has a good voice. Ju'Not wasn't nearly as good as the judges though, and Kristin wasn't nearly as bad (though she did sound 50 -- I'm 50 years old! I kick! And I stretch! And I kick!). Kendell Beard seemed out of breath (though I loved the Carrie Underwood in the Ever Ever After video-esque dress). The only thing good about Taylor Vaifanua was that she decided to wear rubber leggings, given that she danced like she had to pee.

Ryan's shirt was way better this week. Kara needs to STOP f***ing with the microphone (seriously, we can ALL HEAR YOU TAPPING THE DAMN DESK). Paula has seemed to finally get her meds balanced. Randy finally used a multi-syllabic word that is actually in the English language, but of course he used it ("vindicate") with the ESL speaker. And Simon needs to stop picking on Kara.

I'm going to go with Lil, Jorge, and Scott making it. I think Alex will be close, and could possibly take the 3rd spot, but I'm going to stick to my guns this time. I think Felicia blew it.

The Federal Government Ladies and Gents.

I make fun of the D.C. area for delaying or closing public school openings when there's even the threat of snow.  In general, I whole-heartedly agree with the Prez that the peeps here need to toughen up a bit.  People 'round these parts always assume that I'm somehow "used" to the cold, being from up north.  Please, no one up north likes the cold.  But what I am used to is snow, and a dusting is not snow.

 

However, today is real -- with like 5 inches on the ground in an area without the budget to deal with proper salting and plowing.  Yes, today, the worries are legit.  I mean, Alabama is getting snow.  HOWEVER, among the thousands of school and church closings running on the local news this morning (why not just say what is open?), there was a notice that the federal government is on a two hour delay:

 

Federal Government in Washington Area- Federal Agencies will operate with a 2 hour delay as well as unscheduled leave. (Monday)

 

Hey, Bam-Bam.  Follow Kris Allen's lead and look at the Man in the Mirror.