Another Round Up of Thoughts and Feelings.

• Best headline ever.
• As messed up as Orrin can be, he can be remarkably acute and badass when he wants to be.
• Having driven in Boston, New York City, DC, and Durham with enough regularity to be well-versed in all four, yes, it is.  Definitely.
• Just when I discovered it for myself.  Boo.
• Concord!  I didn't even read the article.
• Seriously, people, give Cougar Town a chance.  The creator himself recognizes that the original conceit (and title) wasn't great, but it's a whole different beast now.
• The only reason I need to move to Philadelphia forever.
• Hahahahahahaha.  I know this is serious, but still.
• I wholeheartedly agree.  The two party system sucks.  That's all there is to it.
• Soda.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 10.

And now for the finale of this little ten part exercise in laziness series of videos, I bring you a link TO a set of videos.  It's no secret that I heart James Franco and all of his weirdness.  And now, he and his brother have gone a step further and allowed us to follow them for a bit.  What transpires is a genuine interaction of (famous) siblings, who seem like fairly well-grounded folk.  Take a gander at the earnest fun.

Thanks to Best Week Ever for the tip.

To make it even better, my new obsession -- Aaron Tveit -- is going to be JF's bf in the new movie Howl.  Woot!

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 9.

TWIST!

Sort of. I'm still just posting videos for now, but this time, I'm going to post more than one, and they are going to have a common theme: Sesame Street!



God. Memories. It was clips like this that made me the man I am today. I credit Sesame Street with, like, stuff.

Now, more importantly:



COLIN FARRELL ON SESAME STREET!!!

If I may be a bit political for a second -- as much as I love Colin and think he's a beast, it makes no sense that his decidedly adult private life is considered okay but Katy Perry couldn't show a little cleave.
  Sexist?  Absolutely.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 8.

Kevin Arnold gets scooped by Zach Morris. Oh pop culture bliss. In other news, I feel like Fred Savage is due for an NPH-like comeback, yes? Can we make that happen?

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 7.

Every frickin' time. OK GO makes the best music videos. I don't usually post them, but this has cute doggies! And if there is anything unifying about this blog, it's the posting of ubercuteness.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 6.

This mash-up rivals DJ Earworm, if not surpasses his stuff. It might be because of the inclusion of Survivor. I don't know. But it's kind of amazing.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 5.

So, I found this video at Best Week Ever, and it titled its post "This Video Is Literally Called 'Baby Porcupine Eats a Banana and Has Hiccups'".  I'm pretty sure the intent is to suggest that this is somehow as cute as a puppy and a baby.

It's not.  And I'm going to break ranks, as The Atlantic would say, and say it's not cute.  It's creepy.  I think it looks like a mutant human (WITH HANDS) eating a banana.  YES A MUTANT HUMAN.  Screw you biologists, that's not a cute rodent at all.

We Interrupt This Series of Videos...

...for another video (sort of). 

 

But this is a good reason: The second season of Justified, one of the single best shows on TV, finally has a premiere date.  It's coming back February 2011.  Set your Google Calendar reminders now folks!

 

"A little too old to be fightin', aren't ya?"

"I'm certainly too old to be losing."

 

*bliss*

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 4.

My growing crush on JGL just took another step forward. Dude is on a roll with (500) Days of Summer and Inception. Make another movie with Zooey!!!

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 3.

This vid has already gone viral, but I don't care. It makes me smile like the puppy/baby vid and the parallel parking vid. So I'm posting it again, ready for Wave Two of viraldom -- thanks to me!

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 2.

Parallel Parking from Yum Yum London on Vimeo.

Dear M. Night,

Remember when your twist endings were as good as this one? That was a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time ago.

-A.

All I Seem to Post Are Videos... Oh Well, Part 1.

To be fair. This is f***ing cute as all hell. Puppies and babies! It's a veritable confluence of all the sweetness in the world in one flash video.

30 Days.

Dear Comcast,

 

Really?  It takes you 30 days to put my name on your internal Do Not Call list?

 

I recently moved to a new apartment and switched cable providers because it was cheaper.  Since then, Comcast has called me every day to attempt to get me back as a customer.  Advice #1: That's effing annoying.  If you want me back as a customer, lower my rates, and stop messing with my DVR programming. 

 

Finally, today, Comcast switched the incoming phone number it was using to call me so that I'd actually pick up the phone after ignoring them.  The service representative just started talking and was about to transfer me to a salesperson without asking me if I wanted to proceed, let alone why I bothered switching in the first place.  Advice #2: That's effing disrespectful.

 

I shouldn't be surprised, I guess.  Anyway, I requested that they not call me anymore.  That's when I was told that it can take up to 30 days for that to be entered in the system.  WTF?  You can unsubscribe from spam with a click.  The US Post Office can make the switch in 2-3 days.  Hell, even print magazines like Entertainment Weekly take at most a week to make changes like that.  But the purveyors of xfinity takes 30 days to stop calling an ex-customer?  FOUL.  Go back to HBS and learn how to stop pissing off your customers.

 

Love,

 

-Me.

Reason 6,342,778 That Dunkin Donuts Is Superior To Starbucks.

Dunkin Donuts is participating in National Coffee Day today.  Starbucks isn't.

Proof That DC Is Not A Food Mecca.

Don't read any further if you haven't watched the season finale of Top Chef: DC.

 

Seriously.

 

I'm spoiling this sucker.

 

---

 

I used to live in New York, and when I moved, I couldn't be happier.  I just am not a NYC person, no matter what I like to think about myself.  DC is much more my speed.  That being said, one thing that I have never been cool with is the crappy food in DC.  Don't get me wrong, it's okay, especially if you're willing to pay your soul (which, this being DC, is already in short supply), but for a city as cosmopolitan and international as this, the food sucks.  And it especially hurts knowing how good New York food is.

 

So when Top Chef decided to film here, I was all like, snuh?  Wuh wuh?  Hooey.

 

But I like the show.  I loved this season how cocky Angelo was, and how deluded Kenny was.  And I loved Tiffany.  I mean, with stars in my eyes did I love her.

 

And then she got booted off for one off-day.

 

And now I find out that Kevin won.

 

Boo.  Hiss.

 

With standards like this, DC will never be a food haven.  Ever.

 

Tiffany come back!

God Bless Southwest.

About a month ago, I flew up to Providence, Rhode Island at the last minute from BWI Airport.  It's a bit of a stressful trip because getting to BWI from Washington, DC is a bitch.  On the flight back, I made the unforgivable mistake of leaving my iPod Touch in the back seat pocket of the plane.  I thought for sure that I was never going to see it again.  But I went through the motions (never give up!) and made a request to Southwest's lost-and-found.

 

Cut to a few days ago.  I receive a call from Southwest saying they found my iPod (with the headphones I had had!) and that they were FedExing it to me right away.

 

Consider me dumbfounded.  If ever there is some decency in the world, Southwest is a part of it.

In Case Danny and Annie Wasn't Cute Enough For You.

Marcel the Shell is here to cute-ify it all. Oh laws yes.


MARCEL THE SHELL WITH SHOES ON from Dean Fleischer-Camp on Vimeo.

Take a Break and Watch This.

This video has been making the internet rounds, so you might have already encountered it.  If not, then stop everything, and prepare for a lump in your throat to arrive toute suite.  This is the story of Danny and Annie. Apparently, this group called StoryCorps takes real peoples' real stories and animates them for posterity.  You can't make this shiz up:


Danny and Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

Emptying Out My Mind.

1. Blessed be whoever decided to release Mockingjay on Kindle at the same time as the regular hardcover release.  You are a colon among appendices.
2. Why is Justin Long a star?  
3. Why is Jay Baruchel?
4. I get Malin Ackerman and Emma Stone mixed up.  Somehow, I feel that that's not really a big deal.
5. I am totally Team Valerie on Project Runway.
6. I am totally Team Tiffany on Top Chef.
7. Forgive me, but my current pop culture obsession is My Boys.
8. I totally took his class!  I don't know what to believe anymore!
9. So shameful.  On multiple levels.
10. Liberal elite media is funny.

Recently There Have Been A Slew Of Cute Animal Videos.

Observe:

PENGUINS!



OTTERS!



CORGIS!



I'm keeling over amidst all the cuteness. For reelz.

Fall Movies 2010

The latest EW has the Fall Movie Preview for 2010.  Whoopee!  I love reading about the movies that I won't have time to see in the theaters and then watch on Netflix a year after everyone else has seen it.  Sigh.  Maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.  Upwards and onwards, I can always hope.

September:

1. Never Let Me Go.  Kazuo Ishiguro's Remains of the Day is one of my favorite novels of all time.  I read When We Were Orphans (I think?) and I can't remember a damn thing about it.  So, yeah, as much as I loved ROTD, I'm not a huge Ishiguro fan.  Despite that, I've been hearing amazing things about the book for NLMG (including the spoiler twist, sadly), and the cast looks amazing.  Say what you will, I like Keira Knightley (girl needs to eat some burgers or five though), and Andrew Garfield (the new Spider-Man) was one of the few good things about The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (Colin!).  So I'm looking forward to this little filmy a bit, yessiree.
2. Easy A.  The trailer was awesome.  (Then again, the trailer for Pearl Harbor was, too.)
3. Buried.  I like gimmicky B-movies, and nothing screams that more than this one with Ryan Reynolds stuck in a coffin.  It's a tall order to call it Hitchcockian (at least, insofar as the movie posters are concerned), but maybe it'll be good, in a Phone Booth / Rope kind of way?
4. Devil.  I told you, I like gimmicky B-movies.

October:

1. Hereafter.  This is my obligatory I hear Matt Damon movie!
2. RED.  Come on.  Cocoon with guns!  You can just imagine that that was the pitch, too.  But, man, I'm totally sold.

[Editor's note: Wow, October is looking wee---hhheeeeak this year.]

November:

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I.  It's sad that this is almost the end of the series.  At the same time, I'm not one of those people that want to drag it out as long as possible.  As much as I like the movies, I love the books way more.  It saddened me when I learned that they were splitting the final book into two.  Yes, it's a huge tome, but at the end of the day, the quality of movie adaptations generally increases the less bound to the original the film is.  The best movies of the serious (Azkaban, Phoenix) heavily edited their sources.  I worry that in an effort to capitalize on one of the last guaranteed moneymakers in Hollywood that the filmmakers will end on the same Christopher Columbus rote-note they began on.
2. Morning Glory.  Rachel McAdams needs to be in more movies.
3. 127 Hours.  I went to law school with Aron Ralston's sister.
4. Burlesque.  Christina Aguilera.  Cher.  Singing.  Dancing.  Kristen Bell (finally in a post-Veronica Mars role that doesn't make me want to punch her in the face).  Cam Gigandet.  Shirtless.  How can I not want to see the gayest movie this year?  

December:

1. Black Swan.  Ooh.  I wonder if Darren Aronovsky thought he was going to make the gayest movie of the year when he started this movie about ballerinas and intrigue.  Sucka.
2. TRON: Legacy.  The original, which I heard is terrible, is on my Netflix queue.  Still, I'm a huge nerd.  So I want to see this.

Overall, I gotta say, I'm kinda underwhelmed by the Oscar season offerings this year.  Bet the Academy is wishing it didn't expand the Best Picture field to 10 last year.  Laws, yes (yeah, I just finished reading The Stand, and I don't know yet how I feel about the ending -- I like saying "laws, yes" though).

I Get It. I'm Old. Damn You, Beloit College!

In case you haven't been a faithful reader of my blog for the past two-something odd years, I like linking to the Beloit College Mindset list.  Here's where I commented on the Class of 2012 one, and here are my comments on the Class of 2013.  Again, the idea behind this is to help professors understand the worldview of incoming freshmen.  It matters, peeps, because like it or not, we do have a common cultural vocabulary (that is too often centered around pop culture, not that I'm complaining).  Anyhoos, here's the list for the Class of 2014.  And here's what, again, blows my ever-lovin' aging mind:

 

NOTE: These folks were born in 1992.  Eff me.

 

1. Few in the class know how to write in cursive.  [I HATE YOU, WORLD.]

7. "Caramel macchiato" and "venti half-caf vanilla latte" have always been street corner lingo.

10. A quarter of the class has at least one immigrant parent, and the immigration debate is not a big priority…unless it involves "real" aliens from another planet.  [REALLY?]

11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis.

15. Colorful lapel ribbons have always been worn to indicate support for a cause.

16. Korean cars have always been a staple on American highways.

19. They never twisted the coiled handset wire aimlessly around their wrists while chatting on the phone.

27. Computers have never lacked a CD-ROM disk drive.

32. Czechoslovakia has never existed.

39. Pizza jockeys from Domino's have never killed themselves to get your pizza there in under 30 minutes.

46. Nirvana is on the classic oldies station.

50. Toothpaste tubes have always stood up on their caps.

64. The U.S, Canada, and Mexico have always agreed to trade freely. [ROSS PEROT!!!]

Commenting on Life.

1. Nighthawk's is already melancholy-ful. But this background fact kind of makes it even more so.

2. What idiot goes to college, majors in "Recreation and Leisure," and thinks they are going to be able to get a high-paying job? I pray that the example given of an Art major is what they were thinking of for this. But what else is there? Why not just say Art majors are going to grow up to be destitute? [Via Gawker.]

3. I haven't yet given up on Michael Cera. Especially when he can banter with the best of them:

SCHWARTZMAN: You know what I mean? It’s literally like, “Please be there, idea!” Not to be cheesy, but that is the real power of music, movies, art, or anything—it’s the hope that people will connect to it. And that’s what’s great about your success. You’ve made work that connects to millions of people. You have the rare ability to take something and turn it and flip it and make it into something great. It’s because you have an inquisitive mind and you are endlessly looking for something new. When I watch your work, I feel like I’m getting a philosophical mix tape of all the things that you’re interested in.

CERA: You just lost 80 percent of the people that were reading this article. They all just rolled their eyes and ripped up the page.

[Interview Magazine by way of Vulture.]

4. Despite what people say, I still think The Simpsons is pretty awesome. It's not as awesome as it once was, but it used to be SO awesome that its present-day awesomeness still registers on the awesome scale. To wit, some nerd found this and remembered that Lisa Simpson almost got married recently.

5. Yes, it is. For exactly the reasons stated therein. The counterarguments is rationalization wrapped up in a post-PC red herring cloak. Deal with it, Hollywood, you still treat Asians as a "forgotten" race. (I still love you though!)

Lazy Lazy Lazy.

Here are a couple more videos worth watching.

First, Muppets, OK GO, and Ira Glass, together for the first time:



Second, please tell me I'm not the only one old enough to remember this video.

Third, I kind of have an irrational hatred for Dora the Explorer. It has to do with her name sort of, but not really, rhyming. It just creeps me out. So, while some people thought this clip was "horrifying," I kind of stood up and cheered. Fist pump!

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Finally, forgive me, but I thought this was frickin' hilarious, and I don't always say that about Funny Or Die:

Puppet High - watch more funny videos

Mankind and Southwest Don't Fail Me Now.

I recently flew on Southwest and accidentally left my iPod Touch in a seatback pocket of the plane.  I've since contacted Southwest in hopes of retrieving it.  I will keep you posted.

Getting Older.

Last night, at my local Sweet Green, I got some frozen yogurt. When I was deciding what toppings to have, the cashiers told me that mango was particularly popular that night. Then they starting just chatting a bit between themselves while I considered my options a bit more. One of them mentioned that mango made her think of Saturday Night Live, and the other looked puzzled. Here's what happened next:

Cashier #1 [to Cashier #2]: You know, Chris Kattan?

Cashier #2: Huh?

Cashier #1: Oh, you're too young to know what I'm talking about.

Cashier #2 walks away in that Yes-I-Am kind of way that young peeps do.

Cashier #1 [turning to me]: You know what I'm talking about, right?

WTF!?!?!?

Old News. That's an Oxymoron.

It's well known around these parts that I have a hugely irrational fear of earthquakes. I still imagine that they involve the earth opening up, people falling in, and then it closing up again. And then came the news of the Guatemala Sinkhole. Shoot. I'm a little stunned that this could actually happen.

Dude, dolphins can use the iPad. I have to admit, Apple, that's cool.

I'm not entirely sure that Gaga is that influential. Not until you can actually write a treatise like this about one of her songs. Single Ladies is still the shiz.

American Idol is trying to fix itself in completely the wrong way.

Idiot.

This is the sort of statistic that makes me just hate those who think that legislating social norms is a good thing.

Posting Videos Is Lazy Blogging.

I can't tell if this is cute or creepy:

This is amazing though. It's Alfred Hitchcock doing a "That's What She Said" joke:

The people at Pixar beget more brilliance:

I Hate the Emmys.

I wasn't going to blog about this, but I had an email exchange with Reva and Adam (who know almost as much about pop culture as I do, heh), so I'm just going to copy and paste what I wrote to them about my thoughts on the Emmy nominations for this year:

I generally hate the Emmys. I've never understood how in ensemble shows, there's always one actor who gets snubbed. Courteney Cox was never nominated for Friends. Kristin Davis didn't get nominated for Sex and the City for 4 years. And now Ed O'Neill? If there's anything unifying about Modern Family, it's him. In other words, even when the Emmys get it right, they get it WRONG.

Matthew Morrison for Glee? Really? Is it because they love his white-boy rapping? (I also happen to hate Chris Colfer's portrayal on Glee. There's nothing nuanced about it, it's completely unlikeable, and I think it unnecessarily feeds into the fears of so many straight dudes.) But then, I really don't like Glee as show, so I'm biased. I totally am fine with the general love for it since I get that it's the politically cool choice this year.

I think the nominations for The Office represent everything that's wrong with the Emmys. The Emmys seem to vote purely on memory and it reeks of laziness. The Office was fine this year, but it was nowhere near as good as it has been and, more importantly, it's simply not as good as many other shows currently on the air. But it's like the Emmys don't want to admit that any show that they once liked might have gone downhill, so they keep nominating it until it goes off the air. See Tony Shalhoub as yet another example.

Boo. I also don't really watch the Emmys when they air (unless NPH is host) because what's the point? Give the awards to Kelsey Grammar, Tina Fey and/or Sarah Jessica Parker, Alison Janney, and Jeremy Piven, regardless of whether they were even on a show this year, and let us wait until the Golden Globes (shudder I can't believe I just typed that) where they are at least willing to consider that there are other shows on television worth watching.

Also, the fact that the episode "Modern Warfare" from Community didn't get nominated for anything is so beyond me, I wonder if the people who nominate things even own a television, let alone the internet.

Yes, I hate the Emmys. Hate. Them.

I know this is wishful thinking, but other than wishing that Cougar Town getting a nomination (or at the very least -- Busy Phillips), I wish that Justified had been nominated for something. Unbelievably well-written and awesomely acted.

Terrible Music.

I need help. I find myself weakening to the power of the Biebs. Someone stop me before it's too late.

Look, I've never claimed to have good taste in music. I find it a source of pride that I bought Justin Timberlake's first solo album AND Nick Carter's solo album. At the same time, I know the difference between good and bad music. I just choose bad music.

But dear Lord, even I'm tested by some of the stuff out right now. Some, yeah, I can resist. Like, I don't own any Katy Perry stuff. I also don't own any Miley Cyrus twaddle (although I'm weakening to Party in the USA everyday). Yes, I own one Ke$ha song (Love Is My Drug). Shoot me.

So this mea culpa here has to do with the fact that: I don't have any Justin Bieber, but oh man, I'm ready to dl some lesbian tween diddies. Come on people! His crap is so friggin' catchy! And I might as well take advantage of his stuff before his voice changes. We all know that Hanson just isn't the same as it once was. (And I love me some Mmm Bop).

I needed to get that off my chest. But one thing you can all be safe and secure in knowing is this: Imma Be is just dung from Satan's backyard. Shame on you Black Eyed Peas. And shame on you world for supporting that song.

Doing My Part To Continue The Viral Vid Business.

Kristin Chenoweth is cute as a button's button:

This is awesome because I'm human:

This is awesome because I'm a nerd:

Subway Is Apparently Uniquely American.

Tonight for dinner, I was standing behind two French tourists at Subway.  It occurred to me that Subway had got to be one of the most confusing fast food places for foreigners.  Sure, it looks like a fast food joint, but nothing about it is intuitive.  And if you didn't study your English vocab for wheat, oat, Italian, flatbread, pepperjack, provolone, cucumber, lettuce, etc. you're screwed.

 

Also, I don't think the tourists realized that they were supposed to pay for the drink fountain and the chips on display.

Phlegm. Flem. Boo.

I know that the 8 of you that still read this thing have been wondering what happened to me. No, I haven't been stomping around any Land of Milk and Honey. Instead, I've been sick. Dealing with some weird mild-flu. I know it's not much, but here's some joy to tie you and me over:



Super Mario!!!

Asian people are so awesome.

I Take It Back.

This is the EPICest.



Pwnt.

I've Been Delinquent With the Posting.

This video is EPIC:



This video is EPICer:



This video is EPICerer:



And lastly, I would embed these vids, but the full post does better justice to the glory that is Paul Rudd dancing. It brings me joy.

Memories.

Everyone keeps telling me I should change the title of my blog. People, people, that aint' happening. Mostly because I'm lazy. But also because there's no need to. I pointedly called it "____ SOMETHING" just like "twentysomething" and "thirtysomething" are non-words that people use as such. 28S was never about staying 28 forever (although, how sweet would that be), it was just a name I plucked out of thick airs and recorded on a blog that exists somewhere where I'm not. And it helpfully reminds me of how long I've been blogging on this, my public, non-controversial blog.

It's been 3 years people. 3 whole years. YIKES! That's right, I just turned... older last week. And in memoriam, can we just barf at the following?

First, I read Amelia Bedelia. None of that GooseBumps crap.

Second, remember that naked baby from the Nirvana album cover? He's all-growed up.

And third, the cast of Salute Your Shorts is also adultified.

Yuppies.

I just drove by a dude wearing Crocs on a Vespa with Trader Joe's strapped to the back. Sweet.

It's Lee.

Congrats, Lee! Yeah, I know, despite my bitching and moaning, I can't help but feel choked up watching someone's life literally change before their eyes. So what if Lee might reach Taylor Hicks levels of mediocrity? Taylor still made a shitton more money than you did last year. Who's laughing now?

I've always liked Lee. And I even noted him immediately after his audition in Chicago. Frankly, he's got the most commercial radio-voice -- moreso than Crystal. His concerts will probably suck, but that's okay because I never go to concerts anyway.

At the end of day, what really matters is that Kris Allen's haircut was ridiculously hot tonight. Ri. Di. Cu. Lous.

AI9: The Top 2... Which Means It's Almost Over!

Crystal. Kicked. Lee's. Ass.

Last year, you know, when American Idol was good, I didn't care who won. I know, right? Weird that I wasn't obsessing over Kris to win. (In retrospect, thank God he won. With the amount of support Adam's been getting as the runner-up, I can only imagine that Kris would have been but an afterthought had Adam won.) Ultimately, it came down to the fact that even if Adam wasn't my preference (heh, get it?), I still recognized that he was an amazing singer and an undeniable star.

Year before that, I was an Archie fan, and was definitely disappointed that Cookie won, but I got over it (and proceeded to buy just as many Cookie singles -- actually MORE Cookie singles than Archie singles). Because at the end of the day, Cookie was a bril arranger with a cool voice.

This year, I like Lee... as a person. He's huggable. But dude cannot sing in tune. Lee has the arc -- the more compelling growth curve and story. He also fits the non-threatening white boy mold that has been so successful the past couple years (seriously -- would Fantasia have had a chance this season?). But consarnit, Crystal deserves this. If a girl can win SYTYCD, then it can absolutely happen on Idol.

Please let Crystal win this. It would be one of the few redeeming things about this ridiculously bad season of AI.

WTF.

I hate the current Google beta.

I already have the Vampire Diaries' blessing to use Bing. Do you want me to actually prefer Bing now?

Potpourreeeeeee.

1. Yes, it is.

2. I'm necessarily biased one way or another against political parties, but I am biased against stupidity. Really Republicans? You didn't think that maybe, just maybe, this was an obtainable seat?

3. Speaking of elephants, Kris Allen's new single is The Truth. I'm surprised because I thought that Alright With Me could have been a great summer single, with The Truth being a nice fall ballad. What do I know, though? I'm a lawyer.

4. City of Gonads. It's a real thing. I'm not being obscene, either.

5. Of all the people on this list, I actually would love to see Angelina step up.

6. As much as I think a name change sucks, I have met too many people who've totally turned off to Cougar Town based on the title of the show. And I'm totally serious, after the first 2 or 3 episodes, this show found its stride and is absolutely one of the funniest shows on TV. So yeah, C-Town? Cougar-de-Sac? Dan Byrd Is The New Michael Sera? Hmm... they all still sound dirty.

7. Um, I was one of those users. (Suck it, losers! When I joined it was called thefacebook!)

AI9: The Top 3 Make Me Believe It's Almost Over.

Remember the good old days when they'd wheel out Clive Davis's desiccated body and he'd tell the pretty young things on stage to sing Whitney? I miss those days.

My favorite performance of the night was Crystal's Maybe I'm Amazed. Crystal doesn't have the most elastic voice. She's not a diva. She'll never be Kelly or Carrie. But she has the most amazing interpretive ear I'm heard on the show in quite some time, and she can translate that to her singing. It works for her. So what was great about tonight was that Ellen's song choice (yes Ellen!) got Crystal to find a middle ground that Lee's been coasting on since the beginning of the show. She let all the perfect imperfections of her limited voice come out on this huge song, and in so doing stayed true to herself and revealed a whole other side of her all at once. Amazing.

Frankly, I kinda liked Lee's Lynyrd Skynyrd song better than his Hallelujah. Here's why. Yes, I got bigger goosebumps from the latter. I recognized the song, and Lee harmonized on it something fierce. IF ONLY IT DIDN'T SEEM SO MANUFACTURED. Which is weird, right? But look. The strength of the song is the song itself. Hallelujah is a ridiculous song that makes almost anyone singing it sound good. Jason Castro legitimately sounded good on it, and Tim Urban managed to stay around a bit because of it. Of course Lee was going to sound good on it. And then he had the white light? And the back-up chorus? And the pimp spot? We get it. You want him to win, and yes, he deserves it, but no one likes having cake--no matter how good--shoved down your throats. This was an Idol Moment, sure, but a Manufactured Moment. Similar to Katherine McPhee's Over the Rainbow. Sadly, people will be talking about Lee's Hallelujah as if it were Kris's Heartless, Adam's Mad World, Carrie's Alone, Jordin's I Who Have Nothing, Fantasia's Summertime, etc.

Frankly, I don't think either Lee or Crystal had a True Moment all season.

What? There were three people who sang tonight? Oh Casey. Miserable, miserable Casey. How does it feel to be Syesha Mercado, Vonzell Solomon, and Jasmine Trias? No one cares about you at all. Not even in a "I can't Nikki McKibbin is still in this" kind of way. Go home. Vomit out that baby lamb you have stuck in your throat, defeather your hair, and cry some more tears into your pillow.

Apparently, They Keep Making These Things Called "Movies." And I Keep Watching Them. Or At Least Having Opinions About Them.

1. Truth be told, Easy A the movie looks terrible. A teen Scarlet Letter? Isn't that, like, an oxy moron? Still, the teaser trailer for it might be one of the best teasers I've seen in a long, long time:



2. Is it okay if I admit that I didn't like The Dark Crystal? I adore the Muppets and Labyrinth, but come on peeps, rose-colored glasses much with TDC? So, "highly anticipated" sequel? Meh.

3. Oh Colin. I love you. Even if it took some people a long time to come around. I've always known you are an awesome actor. And I get the desire to broaden your horizons -- so a romcom? Okay. But a sidekick in a romcom? B____, please. You're better than that. Why not do what you're doing with the whole vampire craze, and be the lead hot thing? That's way more worth your time. (Side note: Fright Night freaked the f___ out of me growing up. Dude. I was six when I saw it.) To conclude, I can't wait for Ondine, which you can apparently already view on demand -- uh, that's weird. Because it's not even in theaters yet.

Illusions!

You have to admit. This is pretty cool.

AI9: The Top 4 Prove that They Just Aren't the Same As Last Year's.

Where do I begin. Well, first, fair warning, I just went to SweetGreen to get froyo because I needed to end my night on a positive note. Reva, a few other friends, and I went to a pub quiz that was severely underwhelming. We were told ahead of time that it was for a good cause -- fine. No biggie. Then we learned (too late) that it was for heart disease. And that all of the questions would pertain to health. Seriously.

So of course, we think -- well, obviously, let me order a burger and fries and drink beer as I do this. And of course, afterwards the emcees immediately ran outside for a cigarette. And of course the questions were completely impossible to answer (e.g., Which fruit has the most anti-oxidants? That's it. Not per serving or any standard measure like that.) Boo.

So it's in that context that I review tonight's American Idol.

First, Jamie Foxx -- two years in a row as a mentor? Really? Is it because you haven't been in any good movies lately? I think so. Also, remember when you promised to do a song with Kris Allen? Yeah. Punk. Also, the t-shirt thing was stupid. Even Ryan was confused as to which one the contestants should want. They keep being told to compete, compete, compete -- but no, they shouldn't REALLY be doing that. GAH!

Second, Lee, you really chose a song that DEMANDS perfect pitch? My grawd, dude. That's not your thing. You should stick to the speak-singing that works so well.

Third, Mike, you are no MJ. And that warble you've got in your vibrato is just as annoying as Casey's lamb vibrato.

Fourth, Lee and Crystal decide to take on Kris Allen. Look, on it's own, it's actually not that bad. It was, after all, originally a duet. Still, I just hate how this entire season seems to have been a big FU to Kris.

Fifth, Casey sucks.

Sixth, what was with the mariachi band at the end, boys?

Last, look Crystal, honey, I love you. You are the most talented one here. And you are going to lose to Lee. Hey, I don't make the rules, but he is the non-threateningly cute one, so just deal. Here's the thing, I love that blues thing you do -- but if you keep doing it to obscure songs, you are never going to have A Moment on American Idol. You are just going to be good. And that's not enough to win. So, for one week -- next week -- just sell out and sing a g-damn Top 40 pop song. Blues it up all you want, but make it a friggin' song that 10 year old goilz know. Please. Because if Big Mike makes it to the finals over you, I'm so done.

Please go home Casey. (BTWs, did anyone else wonder if Mike might have chosen "Have you ever really loved a woman?" as a passive-aggressive way to ask Casey if he's gay? Just sayin'.)

Sigh. I'm going to go listen to Kris Allen now. And maybe even some Adam Lambert. Yes, that's how much I hate this season. (But don't worry, it's not like I'm going to go listen to Evil Gokey or some shiznat like that.)

Vindication.

Someone (read: me) deigned to criticize Glee way back when.

I'd just like to point out that, um, the establishment is recognizing my brilliance.

My Latest Podcast Recommendation.

Chris Hardwick, erstwhile/quondam host of MTV's Singled Out (which was awesome - shut up - it was - you know it), has just started putting out a podcast called The Nerdist. It's on iTunes, and it's also here.

It's basically Chris and a few friends, sitting around and interviewing/shooting the sh__/joking with a famous funny person. Who knew that Drew Carey was so funny? Or that Joel McHale's radio voice is so geeky? Or that Jon Hamm is good-looking?

Chris, being somewhat known but not nearly as famous as his friends, has good insight into life as a comedian-cum-superstar without the second part. It makes for genuinely interesting questions and genuinely interesting answers. Sure, there's the requisite amount of sycophantic fawning and preening, but it's nothing that you wouldn't naturally do with your friends. And it's just fun eavesdropping on a bunch of jokers talking about random stuff.

Plus, on top of that, Chris is a major nerd, and geeks out about all sorts of tech goodies and stuff like that. They talk about Caprica and Lost and Joss Whedon and Dr. Who. SWEET.

Add it to the pile o' podcasts. Good stuff.

Totally Worth Your Time.

Trust me. I only embed videos that are worth watching. This is amazing.



Thank God there are people out there with no lives who can make crap like this for us to watch. Three cheers for the interwebs!

WE MADE GAWKER!

A couple days ago, my hometown done waved its DAR-lovin' yes-we-have-a-rod-and-gun-club and yes-we-have-a-prison-too libby 'litest flag. And now Gawker has picked up the story! I'm shedding a tear at the fact that my little haven that's older than the country itself is so trendy.

AI9: The Top 5 Make My Ears Bleed.

Let me make this easy.

Casey goes home.

Aaron is also in the bottom.

They aren't going to do a bottom 3 because then it would be too obvious who the frontrunner finalists are. And at this point, it's just too obvious.

I just can't take it! As much as I bag on Evil Gokey from last season, at least he can sing in tune. We're at the top 5, and Casey and Aaron are just awful. Just -- if I heard them in an audition, I'd think they were one of the joke auditioners. And yes, Mike did okay tonight, but can you actually imagine yourself buying his album? Let along LISTENING to it?

Eff the judges. Crystal looked and sounded stunning tonight. My favorite Crystal perf of the season. And Lee is indeed a mini-Harry Connick Jr. They hugged an awful lot tonight.

Can we do an all-stars version of American Idol and not invite back anyone from this season?

I Miss Kris.

I agree, Lee will probably win. Sure, I picked him super early on, sort of like I did with Kris. And yeah, he's cuddly adorable in a Kris-like way, and I've downloaded 2 of his perfs this season (by comparison -- I dl'd 1 for Didi -- and 0 for Crystal so far), but, I don't know, he's still not growing the way Kris did. And he still can't sing in tune. Sigh.

It's times like these that make me realize just how awesome Season 8 was (and for that matter, Season 1 and Season 5, too). I'm not just talking Kris -- but Adam and Allison also. And Evil Gokey and Evil Lil made for fantastic villains. How Adam started out as one, but transformed into an interesting hero. How Matt Giraud's goiter just kept getting bigger. Seriously people, I know I talk about Kris a lot in this blog, but I implore you to watch at least one of these vids:

Here's them rehearsing:

Dude, I don't even like this Coldplay song all that much (and in general, I think I only like maybe 2 of their songs), but no one from Season 9 could pull something like this off. Maybe Crystal. Maybe.

Bring It On, Says My Town.

1. Weird. So, my nifty little liberally elite hometown out San Francisco-ed Berkeley and Boulder by banning water bottles. That same day, the big Water Main Break of 2010 occurred -- and barely missed Concord. What are the chances?
2. Who would have thunk it that when I disparaged my state for allowing cousins to marry, way back when I was taking Bar/Bri classes, that I'd get a chance to follow up on it. With a map. See southern states? We're not so different.
3. I want to point out that, yes, the Boston accent typically removes the "R." However, linguistics nerds know that the Boston accent will actually insert the "R" back in to places -- and where it gets inserted back actually makes sense. It gets inserted whenever one word ends with a vowel sound and the next one begins with a vowel sound. For example: A good ol' Masshole will say "the idea is great" as "the idear is great." I spent $50k a year for four years to learn that -- in Massachusetts!

Checking in With Far Too Many Reality Shows.

TOP CHEF MASTERS

Rick Moonen is coming off as unlikeable as the d-bag from Zaytinya.  This week's Top Chef Masters with the Modern Family cast sucked.  Why?  Because there was a commercial previewing the champions round halfway through the episode that gave away that Susur was going to win.  I don't feel bad "spoiling" that for DVR people because Bravo is going to spoil it for you anyway.  At the same time, dude's name is Susur.  Awesome.

 

AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL

I've been to that extinct volcano in New Zealand that they started off at on this week's ANTM.  Woot!  It reminded me of the time that The Amazing Race had a challenge involving the tanneries in Fez, Morocco--which I've also been to.  FYI, I don't know where Krista was for the first half of the season, but she's kinda owning ANTM now.  I want her to win and for Angelea to go down in flames.

 

AMERICAN IDOL

America, you kicked off Siobhan?  Ugh.  It's not like a care that it's a sausagefest on AI.  I care that you've kicked off all the good--or at least interesting--singers (Siobhan, Didi, Alex, Katelyn) in favor of Aaron Kelly?  Mike Lynche?  GAH.  And yes, I agree, Crystal is going to go the way of Adam Lambert, David Archuleta, Melinda Doolittle, Chris Daughtrey, and Tamyra Gray.  Whatever the demographic of AI used to be, it isn't anymore.  And while I thank whoever is still watching for helping my Kris Allen to win last year, it's really annoying that basically the same guy keeps advancing (Archie, Cookie, Kris, even Adam looks basically like the others, just with more makeup -- well, maybe not more makeup than Cookie).  So congrats, Lee.  You're okay and all, but I'd never cheat on Kris with you.

 

FRESH MEAT II

If you're still not watching Real World / Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat II despite all of my glowing praise for the show, then God help you.  Just... amazing.  Also, there's no one more adorable than Landon in this world.  I guarantee.

 

RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE

RuPaul's Drag Race is my new favorite reality TV competition.  You can all eat my shorts -- I liked Tatianna, in all her dimwitted ferocity.  But yes, Pandora Boxx is, and always will be, the classiest, funniest, and best broadee of the season.  Also, how Bush League is this production?  It's like the entire thing happens in two rooms--the runway and the workroom.  After Ru delivers a video message to the contestants each episode, immediately afterwards he then just walks into the workroom.  Like, snuh?  Why not just deliver the entire message in one fell swoop?

 

PROJECT RUNWAY

It's been a few weeks but MAN -- this season of Project Runway was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than last season's.  (Karma?  Why, yes, Mean-a Irina.  Congrats on winning the worst season.  Lee DeWyze and you can go commiserate.)  I was thrilled--thrilled I tell you that Seth Aaron won and Emilio, that big piece of arrogant vacuum-of-class, lost.  First, who names their kid Seth Aaron?  Second, did you see how dejected Emilio was?  That the judges dared not crown him?  HIM?  Oh, just bring Anthony back to slap him hard.  Also, Anthony deserves to have a reality show -- in a Hills-esque kind of way.  Either him or Colin Farrell.  Make it happen, TV people.

I'm Torn.

While I understand the criticism in the comments of using Hollywood movie imagery instead of real life events to accompany Carl Sagan's words, I think that this speech is in and of itself powerful enough to overcome any trite association with commercialized films. And it's most definitely worthy enough to be linked to.

AI9: The Top 6 Sing -- Sigh -- Shania Twain.

Yeah, I'm lowering my expectations. Not only because this season is terrible (like, Taylor Hicks terrible), but because this theme could not be dumber. Shania Twain? Canadian country? Really? This whole songbook trend for themes has got to end. As does Randy's taste in sweaters.

Don't get me wrong. I like Shania. She likes the Asians. Just, like, really? As a theme?

1. LEEEEEEEEEE. He's harmonizing! Which is weird, because he doesn't really sing in tune. AND he's doing side-mouth singing. Not as cute as Krissy Allen Poohs, but close.

2. BIG MIIIIIKE. Look, I know that Mike means well, but dude just is uncontrollably cheesy. Everything about his just screams -- velvet. As if he's supposed to be Miss Kentucky in the Miss America Pageant. Totally just not my style. Although, yes, he sings more in tune more than Lee does.

3. KC. I feel like Shania is generally a good mentor. Do you think Casey has problems when it's really humid outside? Like his hair just goes all bouffant, and not in a good way? That was actually really good, except for his vibrato. And it's awesome that Shania is sitting next to a gnome.

4. MAMASOX!!! Omg, Ryan just made a crack about Shania's white teef in front of Crystal -- who used to have poopy coloured teef. Omg, I love Crystal. She just called out her bf for not getting down on one knee already. Grawd. Loves. Oh, is there someone blowing an empty moonshine jug? Or Steve Martin? This is so country fair. I love it. I hope other people love it, too.

5. AAAAAARON. Sigh, will I be missing anything if I just ff through his perf? Oh, please, as if he would ever disagree with her. He's 17 going on 13. Also, everyone who keeps comparing him to Archie: (1) he's not as good as Archie and (2) he's not nearly as adorable as Archie. Archie also has better hair. And laughs like he's being tickled by puppies. This perf is just so karaoke. There's nothing special about it whatsoever. I feel like people are cheering for him as if he took his first step. Like Bambi. Without being as cool. Yes, he's not as cool as Bambi. That's how much I don't care for him.

6. SIOBHAN. Oh, I love this song. This is one of the best Shania songs ever. Siobhan sounds amazing -- I'll give her that. She's even made up like Shania -- hair, get-up, etc. And she does her signature scream -- replete with end glory note. That was awesome. Cheesy, but in a good way, not a Big Mike way. Cheesy in a -- Shania way. SWEET. Punk country is right. That's what Magnus should do it.

Best: Siobhan.

Close: Casey (darn that stupid vibrato).

Good: Lee, Crystal.

Terrible: Mike, Aaron.

Bottom: Mike, Aaron, Casey. Although, I could see a shocker bottom 3 where Crystal is there instead of Casey.

Going home: Mike.

I Know, I'm Posting This Late.

[I'm cleaning out my Google Reader starred items. Sue me.]

I didn't watch Jersey Shore, but you BET I would watch Wicked Summer.

Here's what I appreciate from the casting:

• Chicopee shout-out! (Western Mass!)
• Wellesley preps are included. When Slate predicted this, even they acknowledged that Massholes come in more than one variety.
• They dropped "hoagies" from the alleged early draft of the posting.
• "Seeking ages 21-80+"

Cleaning Up House, Part Quatre.

1. Call me a sucker for obvious statements, but this l'il vid came to my attention a few months back when Jeremy Renner was relevant for one shining moment and when Sandra Bullock's life was perfect. It makes fun of Hollywood -- and also make me cringe at hoe formulaic Hollywood really is:

2. Speaking of cringing at Hollywood. I sort of miss him as an action star:



3. So despite all that, again, I'm nuts I guess because I sort of think this would be a fantastic movie:

I'm Not Crazy Or Anything.

But I was irrationally excited that Kris Allen was spotted eating din din at a hotel near me.

 

And no, WaPo, they have never crafted a cuter Idol.  (Eat it, ArchAngels! [/dork])

Da Bay State.

She might as well have sang a song that went "Tuesday night we went to the Christmas Tree Shop / And drove past the Friendly's / At Roche Brothers "Steal Away" by Robbie Dupree was playing softly / And Tuesday nights are like this forever."

-Gawker's hilari-diculous Richard Lawson on Siobhan.  Seriously, if you're an AI junkie and you aren't reading his recaps, you're missing out.

AI9: The Top 7 Give Back.

I'm super busy tonight, so I'm keeping it short and sweet tonight.

First things first, does Randy ever get tired of booing Simon when Simon gets introed? Also, it seems super inappropos for Big Mike to bear hug Alicia Keys like that.

Casey - Ever since he did Huey Lewis, I can't stop hearing HuLew when Casey "sings." Also, best screenshot ever was Casey's "friends" holding guitar-shaped signs reading "Casey Rocks" but accidentally obscuring the R and the top of the o so it looks like "Casey Sucks." Truer words have never been written on guitar-shaped signs.

Lee - Lee's got some tattz. Did not know that. Jebus, forgetting Lee for a sec, this song is so ridiculously good. Back to Lee - he threw on a swanky loose tie combo (a la Kris Allen singing How Sweet It Is) AND he threw in some falsetto. I like Lee's teeth. (Als0, interestingly, Lee is playing in the Kris Allen Memorial Spot. Hah.)

Tim - Does he just never cut his hair? Or sing in tune? That was awful.

Aaron - Oh, this is even more painful. Tim, you're lucky that Aaron's still flailing in this comp. Why did people cheer for that?

Siobhan - I kinda like Alicia as a mentor. What the hell is she wearing? I thought that was cheese-tastically over-the-top AWESOME. So theater. So drama. So overblown. Loves it. I read that the judges hated it, but the judges are stupid. Just listen to me, not them, because I'm an anonymous blogger on the internet. Total credibility.

Mike - Ugh. I'm sure Mike's a nice guy and all, but his whole kumbaya shtick is particularly grating on the "inspirational songs" week. I don't think that inspiration is intentional, which is why I hate people like Mike so much. The song was okay. Meh.

Crystal - She gets pimped again! How many times has she gotten to sing last? Lucky gryl. Plus, she doesn't have the stank of Lil or Danny Gokey on her neiver. I just stopped blogging for a sec, because Crystal just made me stop. No snark here. She looks amazing. Earthy, but sophisticated. Going gospel works for her. And then she is so overcome with emotion that she starts crying. DUDE. Crystal just took Lee's Moment, ripped out its little heart, chewed it like gum, and replaced the whole damn thing with her own. Crystal has her Moment, which is really the only thing she needed to secure her spot in the finals.

But then Fox epically fails. The show gets cut off by my DVR for running long. And now I bet that Glee will also be cut off by a few minutes. Thanks for being just the worst channel ever, Fox. And yes, I realize that NBC sucks.

League of her own: Crystal.

Woulda had a moment but-for Crystal: Lee.

Good enough: Siobhan, Casey.

Bottom 3: Aaron, Mike, Tim.

Going home: Aaron.

Dude. Duke! Wash, Rinse, REPEAT.

Holy carp, my pasty-white velociraptor Kyle Singler is staying. STAYING. Given the current pro bball climate, it's not at all clear what the best choice was for him. But it is tooooootes clear what the best choice was for fans.

WOOT!

I'm Going To Try And Watch Movies.

Despite the fact that I really have no personal time in which to go to the theatah -- I'm looking forward to the summer anyway. The spring movie season is usually pretty terrible because studios tend to dump their bad movies then. Summer -- you get the big shooty flix, which then ease into the fall prestige films. Thank goodness it's about that time! Anyhoo, as I did last year, I perused the EW summer preview and here's what, in a perfect world, I'd watch (and what would be good movies -- even though at least half if not more will suck).

MAY

• Iron Man 2 (5/7). I still don't really understand why they had to replace Terrence Howard. Still, RDJ in that cobalt blue racing suit redefines dashing. Yowsa.
• Robin Hood (5/14). Is it weird that Hollywood still can't find a modern English actor to play RH other than Cary Elwes? Meh, I think that Cate Blanchett as Marion is inspired (I'd almost rather it be from her POV) and bows and arrows are cool, so, yah.
• Prince of Persia (5/28). If, IF, this turns out to be a Pirates of the Caribbean-type adventure, I'm in. If it turns out to be a Tomb Raider type dud, then I'm out.
• Micmacs (5/28). Jean-Pierre Jeunet goes all mimsy on us borogroves!

JUNE

• Ondine (6/4). Colin Farrell is my favorite actor. And he knocked up his leading lady. So yah, amusing.
• Toy Story 3 (6/18). Because I have a pulse.
• Knight and Day (6/25). Because despite Tom Cruise's brainwashing of Katie Holmes, he's still a movie star who makes awesome movies. And the trailer made me laugh. And I don't even think the trailer gave away the whole movie! (See MIB as a horrible example of the latter.)

JULY

• The Last Airbender (7/2). You have no idea how anxious I am about this one. If you don't know, Avatar: The Last Airbender, was this amazing cartoon on Nickelodeon -- incredibly mature concept that nerds like me can appreciate, but fun and light for the young'ns. When I heard they were making this live action, I... was excited. And then I heard that M. Night Shyamalaladingdong was directing, I... threw up a little in my mouth. And then when I heard that he didn't cast ANY Asian leads, I got pissed (he's since put in what's his name from Slumdog instead of JESSE FRIGGIN MCCARTNEY). This is definitely one of those movies where I'm not sure that getting what I wished for (a live-action version) is all that it's cracked up to be.
• Inception (7/16). Even though it has a crappy title, this is Christopher Nolan doing his Memento thang. You bet I want to see this.
• The Sorcerer's Apprentice (7/16). God help me. I hate both of the "stars" but I'm a fantasy-junkie.
• Kisses (7/16). Yeah, yeah, I have a weird thing for Irish-themed films.
• Dinner for Schmucks (7/23). Predictable premise. But it's hard for me not to want to see Paul Rudd in a movie. Just impossible. He. Has. Tiny. Arms.
• Salt (7/23). Because Angelina Jolie kicking ass is bliss.
• The Adjustment Bureau (7/30). I don't really understand what it's about, but hey, I always like to put Matt Damon's movies on my To See list and then inevitably not be able to see them in the theaters because I'm too busy. Sigh.

AUGUST

• Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (8/13). Dude. Awesome premise.

AI9: The Top 9 Rehash Themselves. Yet Again.

I don't mind that Adam Lambert is the mentor. What I do mind is that he is the quintessential example of the producers shoving what they think is the star down our throats. And this is what I simply just do not get. This show, this crazy stoopid I-hate-to-hate-it show is TAILOR-MADE to just go with the flow to figure out what the public wants. Why force it? Why pimp your favorites? It makes no sense whatsoever. I like Adam as much as the next one (well, maybe not as much as most people), but I can't help but feel like he's always got the stank of teacher's petness about him. And he don't need that! Sigh.

Crys Bowserocks. CB does her same singer-songwriter bluesy-soul -- but she swirled it a touch. That's awesome. Because as good as she is -- if she doesn't figure out a way to change it up every single week, she's not going to win. See Melinda Doolittle, and, hell, Adam Lambert. No one denies that they were the most talented their seasons, but people, that's not what wins AI. (And I spit on those people who don't know their propuh AI history. Ever since Kelly beat Justin AND Tamyra, this show is about growth.)

Andy Garcia. Not the famous one from the Untouchables. He gets reamed by the judges, and for good reason. AG's performance reminds me -- excuse me while I dork out for a sec -- of the current advice for concerto competition musicians. Because some pieces have become so iconic -- or so associated with a certain performer (think Jacqueline Dupre and the Dvorak Cello Concerto) -- that many performers now use lesser-known or new pieces for competitions. Hound Dog, you see, is the Mozart Clarinet Concerto of Elvis songs. And AG is, sadly, simply an also-ran on some televised singing competition.

Timothe Urbane. "Showing people that I know what the words are about." Deep. TU isn't a bad singer. He's just an immature singer. Meaning that he has a limited voice and still hasn't figured out how to make the most of it. By comparison, Kris Allen (I luv him -- haven't you noticed?) doesn't have a voice that will stop cars -- but oh my grawd does he know how to make the most of it. TU's got a ways to go. All in all, though, he was surprisingly decent this week.

LLe Dwyz. "So, Lee is great." Read: "Lee reminds me of Kris Allen, and I love Kris, so I love you." LD just sounds good. And that smirk-smile he does is so cute. OMG, Kara's advice was spot on. "That was fire." Oh, Ryan, you are a douchebag.

Erin Kheli. Aaron knows that this song is wrong for him... and yet he's still singing it. This has disaster written all over it. Take a look at my critique of AG and apply it here. It's the very definition of KaraDioguarke. See what I did there? I so clever. Here's what AK should have done: a country version of Blue Suede Shoes. Whoa! Simon just gave a shout out to Tim. Snow. Hell. Etc.

Siobhan Magnum PI. SHE'S SINGING MY FAVORITE ELVIS SONG. This sounds kinda Kathie Lee Gifford on a Carnival Cruise. Ooh, except for that little gospel spin at the end. Oh, she should have done that from the beginning. The second half of that song was waaaaaaaaaay waaay waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than the first.

Mika Lyncha. I love ML in those glasses. Oh, boo. He's not wearing them for the perf.

KT Stephens. Does KS bother anyone else just by being her? Yeah. Wow, apparently a Transformer threw up on her. And some weird pleather pants monster is eating her from the feet up. Oh, KS, you are not a badass. Towards the end of the song, I actually heard KS's voice not quite make it -- there were a few points where you could hear her swallow her "big" notes.

KC Jemz. I hate Ryan. Oh noez! Casey is standing in the Pit of Sway Despair! That's where both Kris and Matt had problems connecting. I hate CJ's vibrato. But overall, I like what CJ's doing with a funky, countrifried song. It suits him, and is fun. That's it. Fun. Nothing more than that. And still not hot.

Best: Crystal (duh), Lee (duh, sort of), Mike.

Okay: Tim (snuh!?!), the second half of Siobhan, Katie (I guess), Casey.

Worst: Andrew, the first half of Siobhan, Aaron.

Going home: Andrew and Aaron.

PS. THANK YOU FOR GETTING RID OF THE BACKSTAGE CAMERA.

Another Slew of Muppetness.

Is it weird that I don't know who Wendy Williams is? In other news, I wish that I had dancers who followed me around to throw down every time I randomly broke out into song:




I feel bad for Beaker. He gets picked on too much:




This is effing bril. If you only have time to watch one of theze vids, make it this one. "Please. Don't eat me. Don't do it.":

The Best New TV Show of the Spring.

For as much TV as I watch, I watch a surprisingly little amount of cable shows. I saw the first season of Breaking Bad, but haven't continued with it. I haven't gotten into Mad Men -- mostly because I learnt 'bout it too late and I hate picking things up mid-series. I've caught a few eps of The Riches on hulu, but I was never into The Shield, Rescue Me, or Nip/Tuck (I hate seeing plastic surgery -- even though I watch Cougartown). I did obsess over Battlestar Galactica because I'm a huge nerd, and I like Psych (even if it's gone downhill recently) and White Collar has its charms (Matt Bomer *teehee* is pretty). I don't watch The Closer, Damages, or Saving Grace. So yeah, take this recommendation with a hunk crystal of salt.

Justified stars Timothy Olyphant in all his grandest reticence and lanky physique as a U.S. Marshal with daddy issues and the type of sublimated anger that is far scarier than some in-your-face gangsta punching a hole through the wall every morning. He gets transferred from Miami to Kentucky, his home state, pending an investigation into his "justified" shooting of a criminal suspect. Hilarity ensues. Just kidding. What has ensued thus far is an easygoing mix of cowboy-movie austerity with modern day clashes of federal jurisdiction over local Kentucky flavor. The script is witty without being ironic. The action is slick without being predictable. And anything with Natalie Zea in it gets an automatic bump in the awesomeness meter.

One more thing: Olyphant's character is no off-the-reservation maverick like waaaaayyyy too many protagonists these days. The show chooses instead to allow the situations play out themselves. In a lot of ways, I think this is the dramatic counterpart to Cougartown -- the characters are written so well and their backstories, albeit still new, are sketched with such assurance that the show can just insert them into really interesting situations instead of contriving some random drama. In other words, just watch it. So I can have someone else to nerd out over the show with.

More On Duke.

• This is the single best recap of Duke's awesome National Championship that I've seen so far, courtesy of Sports Illustrated.
• This is the single worst recap that I've seen, courtesy of NBC. This article is filled with so much blind hate and disrespect. Dude. It actually made me angry to see, and I'm pretty tolerant of stupid people.
• In this world, Dewey also beat Truman.
• Kris Allen, I forgive you this time. Don't test me again.
• Ask my friends, I said that if Duke can break 60 -- the much vaunted statistic that was Butler's opposing score ceiling coming into the game -- the Butler spell would be broken. And it was. Kinda cool, that. (Also, I wore my Red Sox t-shirt and channeled the 2004 Sox during the entire game.)
• You didn't think I'd put another Duke bball post up and not include more praise for Scheyer, did you? Bitch, please.