I Don't Normally Do This.

I get nervous posting anything too personal or political on my blog. Heck, I get nervous posting anything personal or political here. But I have to link to this story.

It's my high school, man. My town and my state. If I could, I'd attend every single effin' performance to support it.

And to the ignorant d___ who claims that Shakespeare is "uplifting": Are you kidding me? Have you not read Shakespeare? Fratricide? Suicide? Underage love? Cross-dressing? Harry Potter-like magic? Possible antisemitism? Murder? It sickens me when people throw around a defense ignorantly like that.

Collateral Reasons for Loving the Law.

I learned a new word today:

 

struthious = of or related to the ostriches and related birds

 

Yes.  English has an entire word so you can avoid saying "ostrichy."  Also, much like the O.C., the ostrich warrants a "the" before it.  How noble.

 

Shut up.  I already know I'm a dork.  No need to comment on it.

Up in the Awesome.

I saw Up in the Air yesterday, which has been quietly, but steadily, building Oscar buzz in a year that has already seen one contender fizzle (by Amelia), another contender get pushed back (so long Shutter Island), and Mo'Nique bring forth one of the most searing performances in recent memory.

I'm not good at reviewing movies without spoiling them, so fair warning.

George Clooney plays a contractor sent to various cities to handle reductions in force in all sorts of companies. Yeah, so they like the recession. Movies that come this close to current politics (especially war movies) don't do well. In tough times, people like going to the movies for escape -- and for cheap entertainment. (Although, remember how I saw a movie in NYC over the holiday? Watching movies ain't cheap ovah thar.) But, oh, this movie is good. I guess, because it lives within the context of the current recession without directly commenting on it. We just happen to have a front row seat because the movie chooses as its protagonist someone who is literally on the front lines of Main Street's stroke.

That's pretty surprising in itself. This is show-don't-tell at its best. And by avoiding any final moralizing, Jason Reitman nicely lets each of the characters live their lives. They don't all have perfect little lessons learned. They just live in this snow globe that Wall Street grabbed and shook like an au pair (<---too soon?). George Clooney's character doesn't get ironically downsized, and his character hasn't been harboring some cancer that he uses as a crutch to avoid engaging with people. They make choices -- and those choices have consequences. And they react to those consequences like real people. (BTW, trivia fact -- some of the firings that occur are of real people actually getting fired -- or something like that -- Google it.) It's strange that something so mundane as this should be a compliment -- but it's all too rare in movies.

On top of all this, you have amazing acting (Anna Kendrick and Vera Farmiga, especially Vera, are amazing). FYI, Vera plays a 34 year old in the movie, looks 40, but is 36 in real life. She's basically a Mona Lisa. Gorgeous, in an untraditional way, and in a way that changes depending on which POV you use. FYI2, George Clooney only does one Dr. Ross head-bob in this, and you know what? It's well-earned. George plays a character that is uncomfortably close to his real life persona, with an emphasis on the shallowness and waste that potentially goes with that kind of life (see Julia Roberts in Notting Hill or Gabourey Sidibe in Precious as other fine examples of this). To me, that's a far riskier type of role than "looking ugly" (big whoop Nicole and Charlize). The inside-ugly is always worse. Way worse. (BTWs, George's lazy eyes are even farther apart than normal here. Uh... creepy.)

Final thought, (well, final big thought -- because I'm realizing that the central romance here has a lot of similarities to (500) Days of Summer -- another goodie from this year), is the movie's ruminations on loyalty. It's a nice irony that George's character is insanely loyal to Hertz, American Airlines, and Hilton (btw, niiiiice product placement -- better than Sony's in 2012), but hasn't figured out what that kind of loyalty could mean to him personally -- or what his role is in the "loyalty" of a company to its employees. I haven't fully figured this one out, but it totally got me thinking. And THAT is the best compliment I can give a movie.

Okay, if you still don't mind having the movie spoiled, I'm about to talk about the ending:

P.S. My one beef with the movie -- dump the final voice-over. The movie should have left it unclear as to what George was going to do at the Big Departure board. The VO suggests too much. It's American Beauty all over again. And not in a good way.

Really? You Want Credit For That?

Given how crappy the writing in the Twilight books are, I don't see how winning a plagiarism suit against Stephanie Meyer would have been winning.  Dude should feel lucky.

 

Sparkly vampires.  *PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKE*

The Secret Is Out.

So way back when, when Pinkberry was but a twinkle in someone's eye, there were secret toppings that you had to request.  It made you feel special.

Last week for Thanksgiving, I went to New York.  And of course, stopped for some anti-freezy goodness.  And there -- on display -- next to the pedestrian fruits and chocolates was the mochi.  Eek.  Of course, I never really ordered it anyway, but I still felt special (I prefer it as the Korean dish -- in dukk).

"Green" Has More Than One Meaning, Mr. Golfer Man.

The current celeb hubbub (oh, Adam Lambert - you've learned how quickly these things change) is Tiger Woods's car accident.  Yadda yadda.  He won't talk.  Blah Blah.

 

What I want to know is why, in this Inconvenient Truth era, no one is spazzing out over the fact that he was driving an Escalade.  Dude.  Just because you're rich doesn't mean you don't have to worry about the environment.  (Except it sort of does.  I know.  He can buy his way onto an ark.  Yeah, I saw 2012.  *Hurl*)

Why Glee Is Filled With Awesome and Suck.

I've noogied Adam a fair number of times (figuratively) IRL because I think he's occasionally contrarian when it comes to the "it" movie or TV show of the year (yeah, yeah, I get the hatred for Diablo Cody -- seriously, have people stopped using "shenanigans" in everyday parlance?). So I tread on hypocritical water when it comes to my critique of Glee. But I have good reasons. And I'm willing to admit that there are some redeeming things about it. Some. But overall, OMG. People. This show is terrible.

THE WIN:

1. Lea Michele's voice. Glee's magical sword (think Legend of Zelda for the reference). The show basically lives because it found an actor who can alternate effortlessly between youth and maturity with a simple switch of her head voice. I mean, for realz, she made me want to listen to a Celine Dion song, and I haven't wanted to do that since Celine sang with that chubby Asian girl playing violin. Best to date: Her take on Defying Gravity.
   
2. Puck. Even though Mark Salling continues in the rich history of waaaay overaged dudes playing high school people, the show somehow has gotten the Puck character just right. He's not hyperarticulate (although I loves me my D. Creek dialogue -- RTR K.Will!), but he's not an idiot, either. He's hormonal. And ultimately, surprisingly, that makes him one of the more believable -- and fun characters.
   
3. Quinn. Someday, I'll do a write-up of why I think the Star Wars movies had a fundamental flaw in them -- in short, it has to do with characters who don't change (see Jedis). But Quinn's the opposite. Although Glee's central romance is supposed to be Rachel and Finn (I think), Quinn has gone through the most compelling, and most dramatic, character arc so far. She was the queen bee until her pregnancy -- and along the way the fleece was lifted from her eyes on Sue, on Gleeks, on Puck, and on herself. To me, it's no wonder that she's lately been the center of the show.
   
4. Brittany. The best airhead since Amanda Seyfried in Mean Girls.
   
5. Kurt, his dad, and yes, the actors who play them. Mike O'Malley was kinda bril on My Own Worst Enemy. I forgot how he wasted airtime on Yes, Dear because of it. Mikey continues that streak with his portrayal of Kurt's dad, and with Chris Colfer, the two have created the most affectionate and real family dynamic so far on the show.
   
6. Jane Lynch. The Sue character teeters on the brink of caricature, but Jane Lynch's delivery keeps it well within the merely absurd. I can't wait for her inevitable villain song (cue Alan Menken -- update me some Poor Unfortunate Souls, stat) to cement her status as one of the all time greatest b's on TV.
   

THE SUCK:

1. Cory Monteith's voice. You're telling me that the producers found Lea Michele, but they paired her with Cory Monteith's singing? Nuh uh. No way. Some people were out cold on Sudafed or something when they auditioned him. Really.
   
2. Mr. Shoe's wife. I've complained about this before. Mr. Shoe's wife is a horribly written and horribly acted character. It demeans the show, and it demeans Will to keep such an unlikable and UNNECESSARY character around. Will couldn't have been single? Really? And FYI, the fact that I put this at number 2 should just show you how much I hate Cory's singing.
   
3. Plotlines that go nowhere. Where should I start? The AcaFella's? The fact that Mr. Shoe originally blackmailed Finn into joining the Glee Club? Puck and Rachel's hookup (this one should have gone on much longer -- RIPE for comedic gold)? Emma's dirt aversion? Kurt being on the football team? Tina's secret reveal to Artie? There were so many promising subplots, but for some reason, the show has decided to stick with the stupidest -- the pregnancy switcheroo for Will's heinous wife. It's like Lost at its suckiest when new stuff was introduced only to be forgotten an episode later. This is some of the worst TV writing I have seen in a long time -- especially in a show that frustratingly has great ideas to boot.
4. Emma's office. I admit. This is a minor pet peeve. But no way in hell would the schools guidance counselor have a glass office.
   
5. Mercedes. I had some nice hopes that Mercedes would be a great high school girl with some messy hormonal outbursts ever since the whole L'Affaire Kurt. Instead, she's devolved into a bland black diva 3-snap stereotype.
   
6. Sandy Ryerson. Offensive in every way. Including wasting Stephen Tobolowsky on a character that should never have made it past Standards & Practices, even at a moral dumping ground like Fox. And I like Family Guy. So there you go.
   
7. Another token minority character in a position of authority. Consider it another pet peeve, but with a twist. Glee has had some awesome moments. I loved that Sue tried to split the club in two based on race and other minority characteristics -- just to bait Will and his softie consciousness to figure out how to call her out. It's times like this when Glee glides on cringeworthy absurdism. But most of the time -- as embodied by the principal -- it falls back on stupid token stereotypes to fill its Benetton quota. Seriously: watch almost any show. The character who's in a position of authority is typically a minority character. That character is the least interesting, but hey, at least it shows a broken glass ceiling. Right? Pfft.
   
8. The nagging feeling that Kurt won't ever get a boyfriend. Speaks for itself.
   
9. Using the school musical to lure Rachel away. Another minor point. But one that leads to a bigger point: In a world of Show Choir -- the school musical would naturally overlap in terms of members. That Rachel somehow had to choose -- and that she would be the only one -- was a dumb way to try and wedge her from the group. And as the show has shown -- there has been no interesting subplot involving Rachel since that weak attempt. I love Lea Michele, and I love Rachel, but the show has no idea what to do with her as a lead protagonist. And it's obvious.
10. Mr. Shuester rapping. It was fun once. It has sucked ever since.
    

Beans.

I've taken to using chili as my go to dish for getting rid of leftover bean-type substances and vegetables.  Note to self (which is weird that I'm posting this on the internet, since it's not really to my "self" this way): ginger does not go well in chili.  Instead of tasting like chili, it tastes like someone stuck some ginger in it.  Descriptive, I know.

You Didn't Ask For It!

As you might have noticed here at 28ST, I'm a fan of Kris Allen. And NOT a fan of Twilight (sparkly vampires, puuuuuuuuuuuke). So I obviously was first in the internet line to buy Kris's debut album last Tuesday. I've now worn out the cassette tape, so I'm ready to run down the awesomeness of it all for your reading playsure. This is THE definitive unbiased review. Un. Biased.

Couple things to note: First, AI debut albums suck. They produce them in like 4 months while they tour. This isn't conducive to music that is good. Remember, Kelly's awesomeness began with her second album. So consider this context. Second, I'm not music-y enough to critique the album-iness of the album. I guess it doesn't really matter because iTunes has changed the artistic statements of albums anyway. So, like everyone else, I'm going to discuss it song-by-loverly-song:

STUFF EVEN NON-FANS WILL POOP IN THEIR PANTS FOR:

• Live Like We're Dying - There was a lot of hubbub over the fact that this first single is actually a cover of a song by the Script. First. Who? Right. So really who cares. And second, even if the Script never released it, almost every Idol has to sing something that was a reject of some other established star. Kelly sang Christina Aguilera. Adam sang Aerosmith, then Britney (and is now singing Pink). People, these contestants are being churned out like cookies. Let's give 'em a break and just enjoy the bouncy pop fun that is LLWD.
  
• The Truth - This ballad hurts. In a good way. I think it's one of the best blends of lyrics and melody on the whole album.
  
• Alright With Me - Think George Harrison's Got My Mind, and mix in one ridiculous falsetto note. You've got one of the happiest songs ever. And that's saying something, since songs are inanimate objects and can't have feelings.
  
• Red Guitar - Kris wrote this for Katy, so there's something very rough about it. It captures something pre-Idol about Kris, and you can sense it (deep, I KNOW). The only thing I don't like about it is that Kris sings it as if he has a speech impediment where he can't pronounce the letter "R" correctly. And you can't blame Arkansas for this one, K-Siz. But I still love you.
  
• I Need to Know - Kris has suggested that this is about a crisis of faith. Brother, tell me about it. I'm kinda flabbergasted that it's even on the album. It's like unpop. But really, really good.
  

STUFF ONLY FANS WILL PROLLY DROOL OVER:

• Before We Come Undone - Probably the most straightforward pop song of the whole album. And that's not a great thing. It's good though. I just find the resolution in the chorus totally unsurprising and unsatisfying. If I weren't a fan, I'd be sort of unswayed, but I am a fan. So woot!
  
• Is It Over - Bluesy-eyed soul at Kris's finest. But again, it sounds like a lot of other bluesy-stuff out there. I can see this being cool in concert, when Kris can play with meter a bit more. But as it is recorded, it's a touch too slow and too measured. Make is more playful.
  
• Bring It Back - Kris channels The Fray. I like it, but this is exactly the kind of song that makes me look forward to what Kris will do on album 2 with more time.
  
• Let It Rain - Cheesy lyrics aside, this is another cool ballad. But some peeps might not be able to get past the cheesy lyrics. Even if you put them aside. Which is weird, since if you put them aside, you should be able to get past them just fine. Huh.
  
• Send Me All Your Angels - Kris channels Daughtry. See BIB, supra.
  

FILLER:

• Can't Stay Away - Kris channels Maroon 5. See BIB and SMAYA, supra. Only less successfully so. Kris being swaggerific isn't all that convincing. I love him, but he's only 4 feet tall. Reminds me too much of all the Napoleon's out there trying to dunk a basketball.
  
• Written All Over My Face - There's something unsatisfying about the melody, the harmony, the way too heavy bass and rhythm, and the lyrics. It's not terrible, like Lifetime, infra, but it just feels all over the place. As if the center won't hold (even though it ultimately does).
  
• Heartless - Ok. I like this version (which critics have compared to Phil Collins's In the Air) much better than the studio version released a couple months ago. It's still not as good as the pure acoustic version Kris sang to get into the finale. Overall, it's just unnecessary (although I guess, if this was the compromise so that No Boundaries was bumped - then I wave the white flag). Especially when EVERYONE is buzzing over the Mat Kearney collab that didn't make the album.
  
• From the Ashes - Another one where I feel like the chorus was an opportunity lost for just the most ear wormy hook. It's nice, but I'm not going to remember it a couple years from now.
  

YUCK:

• Lifetime - Ugh. Don't bother. This is Kris channeling Danny Gokey. I know, RIGHT?
  

Food?!?!?!?!?!?!?

After I watched Super Size Me, I had a craving for McDonald's.

 

After I read Fast Food Nation, I immediately went to Burger King and pigged out.

 

Seeing a pattern?

 

But, well, last night I finished reading In Defense of Food.  Jebus.  I don't want to eat anything now.  This did it for me.  Yeesh.

McEwan.

Recently I finished reading Ian McEwan's First Love, Last Rites. It's one of his earlier writings -- a collection of short stories. The only other thing I've read by him is Atonement, which I thought was near perfect (I wasn't that inspired by the middle section that seemed like a dry description of war -- sort of like running through sand a bit). Yeah, it was sort of abrupt to switch from a refined gem to rough beginnings. Still, it's interesting to see how the two connect -- the writing was good of course, but the dude's got a fascination with the tension between immaturity and sexual adulthood. Wild. I might officially add IMc (J.Lo/A.Rod'ing his name doesn't really work, huh) to the list of authors whose works I'll voluntarily read more than one of.

Sigh, I know. That last sentence was grammatically lazy. I'm too tired to fix it.

Go Watch Conan's Interview of Gabourey Sidibe. It's Awesome.

Although it might not seem like it, I've actually restrained myself from spazzing too much about Kris Allen's debut album coming out tomorrow. Seriously, if you thought this was bad, imagine if I didn't hold myself back, and fully on flailed like I was a 13 year old girl.

Gearing up for my, yes, pre-ordered album, I'm sort of dazzled by all the Kris press going on! There's this article in particks that was awesome. And it's from the AP no less! Weird. I know. Here are some choice quotes:

Since foiling Lambert at the "American Idol" finale last May, the 24-year-old singer-songwriter from Conway, Ark., has not appeared on the cover of Rolling Stone magazine and declared he's gay. His music can't be heard during the credits of the apocalyptic action flick "2012." And you won't find him posing in a racy Details photo shoot with a naked woman.

(Shame. I mean...) Standard intro (although I just read excerpts from Adam's new OUT interview -- as good if not better than his Rolling Stone article). But then this whammy:

Allen is looking forward to touring with his band next year and hopes to keep an Allen family Christmas tradition going strong this holiday. Every year, Allen's mother gives him and his brother, Daniel, a new pair of pajamas and a board game, which they play — no matter how long it takes — before going to bed. He already knows what game he wants this year.

"The new Monopoly with the big towers," he says, his eyes widening. "You can build cities. It's weird."

Seriously. K-Sizzle is the patron saint of beagle puppies. I. Can't. Wait. For. His. Album. And. Tour.

Round Up.

1. I totally remember Harvey, Don, and Bruno from Sesame Street! I wish Don were still around. So what if kids imitated him.

2. Michelle wears 'em. As if I need any justification to wear my awesome bright red Crocs. B____, please.

3. First MTV doesn't have music. Then Syfy trips out on whatever NoCal is serving. And now Cartoon Network no longer is showing just cartoons. TV networks really need to put more thought in their channel names before they commit.

4. Some time back, Planet Money did a piece to assess who might be at fault for the current economic crisis. I happened to find the role that the ratings agencies played in the development of mortgage backed securities particularly persuasive. So it's nice that they got a little spanking. But also, forgive me, though I love my Massachusetts (sniff -- it was a hard weekend -- I converted my license), somehow, I'm not comforted when the raters state that the state bonds are stable.

5. Interesting.

6. Jebus. Fright Night was one of the first movies -- if not THE first movie -- to give me nightmares. Like, friggin' wake-up-in-a-cold-sweat-screaming nightmares. I'll pass, thanks.

My Hope.

My hope is that maybe Ted Mosby's breaking up with Lindsay Price, for whom I have little love [read: none], will get this season of HIMYM back on the track of awesomeness.  The past few weeks of "not-as-good-as-previous-seasons-but-still-far-superior-to-most-crap-on-TV-although-this-season-as-a-whole-has-been-kinda-awesome-*cough*vampirediariescougartownmodernfamilyncisla*cough*.  I mean, she's poison.

 

True story.

In Other News.

If you haven't watched this vid from College Humor re: Pixar, you are a less valuable human being. Consider this my olive branch:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

My Street.

 

From DCist.  Yeah.  The DC public schools could use some work.

Sesame Street's Berfday.

Google has been intentionally leaving things blank in celebration of Sesame Street's 40th birthday. I don't really know what they have to do with each other. Anyhoo, Jimmy Fallon reminded me of one of the besterest SStreet vid's ever:


Other cool captains include Captain Planet and Captain Delicate, my friend Chris's possibly future super butch dog.

McMemories.

When I was 10, Mickey D's had this effin' bril marketing campaign where they shipped out vinyl LPs of the "Menu" song in the Sunday newspaper. If you got the one where the chorus manages to sing the entire song -- you won like a billion dollars or something like that. I don't think anyone ever found the winning one, but the song itself was like this uber-badge of pop culture awesomeness (think Barenekkid Ladies' One Week plus REM's End of the World times BJ's We Didn't Start the Fire) that kids on the playground would practice singing. You know, so we could be zombified into buying McDonald's.

Whatev's. When mass inculcation is this smart, I surrender.

It Just Isn't The Same Without Kevin.

Dude. AJ looks rough.



Yikes.

That's What I Remember?

As anyone who knows me will tell you, nothing I say is original.  Trust me, if I say it, a movie or TV show has already done it, and done it funnier or with more attractive people.

 

So, I just yawned, and blurted out "Great Googa Mooga!  I'm tired!"

 

Realizing that I've said that before, I checked to see where I got it.  Apparently, I got it from this movie.  Really.  Bi.  Zarre.  I have a LOT of crap stuck up in my head.

Don't Piss Off The Fans.

How is that not obvious?

 

Today, you can pre-order Kris Allen's (<--btws I just wrote Kris Album by acci-pose) debut from iTunes.  Here are the multiple rubs that is pissing people (most importantly, me) off.

 

First, iTunes offered the "iTunes Pass" which was basically an obvious rip-off where they promised to send you exclusive content from the American Idol tour re: the Tender Puppy himself.  In this day and age of YouTube, I was surprised that anyone bit.  I guess it wasn't that big a deal though b/c part of the package was a pre-order of the album.

 

Second, iTunes released Live Like We're Dying, K-Sizzle's most ridick new single that is in the vein of Man in the Mirror -- i.e. a message song without the hamfisted preachiness of Evil Gokey (<---it has been a long time since I knocked him -- feels good).  I totally bought it.  Think Britney in a shiny-things store.

 

Third, the pre-order today is necessary to get an "exclusive bonus track."  I obviously went for it, but am kinda annoyed that I'm essentially buying LLWD twice.  It's unclear if I can just "complete the album" as you normally can on iTunes.

 

Fourth, Walmart.com also has an "exclusive bonus track" that is DIFFERENT from the one being sold on iTunes.  And it's unclear if they'll sell it separately, or if you have to buy the full album there to get it.

 

Look, I get that the music industry is having issues.  Think Miley and Twitter's "relationship."  But one of the brilliant things about iTunes was that at the heigh of Napster/Limewire/Kazaa/Grokster mania, along came a pay site that succeeded.  What boggles my mind is that music people somehow didn't learn that people WILL pay for their music, but it has to be fair.  Almost like, like, dare I say it?  A free market?  Screwing around like this with the faithful of new artists/epic symbols of ridick cuteness is just begging for the underground trade to come back in full force.  I'm just saying.

 

I've ranted about the music folks before.  Stop being douches, people.

This Fall's TV Is Amah-zing.

I've done a bunch of first impressions of the TV shows that I've checked out this season. I think that I've pretty much got my schedule down now, so here's a summary of what my DVR makes love to each week.

• 30 Rock. Old reliable.
  
• America's Next Top Model. Just an awful cycle; I look forward to tall people coming back. Give the title to bloody-eye girl. Apologize for the blackface. And never cheap out again (seriously, Tyra photographed twice and the "destination" was Hawaii? how much does this mess cost on a regular basis that you had to cut corners for the shorties?)
  
• Community. An auspicious beginning has sort of lost its buzz. But Abed, Chevy Chase, and Ken Jeong more than make up for the already tired romance between Joel McHale and the water filterer.
  
• Cougar Town. Best new guilty pleasure! Courteney Cox is balls to the wall in this, and it totally pays off. The sweet rapport she has with her son (of Aliens in America non-fame), her ex-husband (nailed it!), and her paper buddy are the highlights.
  
• Dollhouse. Confession: I haven't watched an episode yet. Part of me is just waiting to see if FOX will actually air the entire season, or if I should just wait until it's fully released on DVD.
  
• Family Guy. Junk food for the soul.
  
• Flash Forward. Imagine Lost, but with an actual plot and with writers who actually know what they are doing.
  
• Fringe. I'm upset at the Evil Francie Redux plotline. And Liv has gone back to being insufferable. Come on, J.J. stopping sucking whenever your shows make it to a second season.
  
• Glee. If this show keeps going the way its going, expect a blog post devoted to just how awful everything other than the songs and Jane Lynch are.
  
• How I Met Your Mother. Too much Barney and Robin. Get back to Ted and the Mother!
  
• Modern Family. The best written new show. Al Bundy anchors this updated version of Arrested Development. Sofia Vergara is remarkably believable. Cameron is a star.
  
• NCIS: Los Angeles. They should just rename this NCIS: Bromance.
  
• Project Runway. Just awful. I don't care who wins. It might as well be Irina even though she's a raving b____________.
  
• The Cleveland Show. Junk food for the soul, part 2.
  
• The Office. Still funny.
  
• The Real World / Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins. Crack for the soul.
  
• The Simpsons. Even if it's not as good as it once was, it's still funny.
  
• Top Chef: Las Vegas. One of the best seasons. GO JENNIFER!
  
• Vampire Diaries. The best new show of the season. I'm totally serious.
  
• White Collar. The other cool bromance of the season. Nice salve after the sort of suckitude of the fall season of Psych.
  

Bad Mood.

Nygel et al. bring Brandon back to cover for Billy Bell. He gets in a day before the performance show. And then they proceed to rip him a new one for sucking at the smooth waltz, which is the dumbest dance to put on a show like this. And then they don't even guarantee that he'll be allowed to audition next year. Plus, SYTYCD has slowly gone from a show completely in the hands of the public to one that is progressively in the hands of the judges. Miserable piece of airtime.

These reality shows are just dying. ANTM thought shorter was better (in the case of K-Sizzle it is, but that's about it). Project Runway is one of the few shows where the judges ARE the stars, and that was never more apparently than this terrible season.

GAH! I should run a TV network. These people are morons. Sigh, the only thing that brightened my day (which is still going, btws... oh yeah, check that time stamp) was this:



and this:



Seriously people. I haven't been this obsessed with the epic awesomeness of a celebrity since Colin Farrell. And that's saying a LOT.

As The World Dances.

The big news on the SYTYCD front is that Billy Bell, he who brought the Shankman to tears (like that's hard or something), has dropped out of the competition. And would you believe, Guy #11 was my pick Brandon Dumlao.

Of course, Billy, he who was a frontrunner of frontrunners because he's cuddly and is named Billy, had to drop out after the top 20 were introduced tonight. So now Brandon missed out on that. Brandon also misses out on full training time for the first show (i.e. tomorrow), and Brandon is stuck on a the season where Nigel thought it would be a good idea to go on during the fall. Eediot. Ah well, some fodder (hi Kris!) make good, but this is ridiculous.

After ffing through tonight's introduction--btws how did they not do this before? this made everyone, including the choreographers, look good--also Wade Robson should always work--I've got to rejigger some predicks.

Of course, I'm still rootin' for BD.

Jakob seems like the best dude -- but what a doooooork. And not like, Kelly Clarkson ducka ducka dorkiness that makes you a winner. I'm talking, like, dance camp dorkiness.

I'm over Nathan, which is saying something b/c I was never under him. Victor doesn't seem all that bendy, which is too bad b/c I was under him. Russell's the man. Italian tapper has a melted face, but I hope he does well. Boot Philip. Boot Legacy. Boot the ballroom douche. And I can't even remember the other hip-hopper, so keep him around to the top ten then boot him first.

For the girls, I really like the latin ballroom girl -- what's her face. She's cheeky.

I liked Ellenore when I first saw her, but now I'm thinking she dances heavy (thanks Mia!). Boot married lady. Step on Molleeeeeeeeeeee until she's insignificant. Bianca is all limbs--and I don't know if that's good or bad. The other jazz girl seemed okay. All the others have just blended together: but here you go, imagine a fairly pretty blonde contemporary girl who let's her hair fall all over the place. Multiply by 4. Then boot 'em all.

Best routine, other than Wade's, was totes Mandy Moore's Coldplay routine. But if you watch closely -- the dancers actually tire out before it's over. PEOPLE. Jeanine would not approve. Step it up. I can't have Brandon win during a season of losers.

A Description Of My October.

yes you are right.  it is andy:reva::unicorn:panda

 

-Eric

Really Important News.

Good.  People think I'm a better lawyer when my basketball team does well.

 

Symbolism.  A little obvious.  But apt.

 

Forget the Kindle.  The Nook is just iPod-esque in buzziness.

 

Brandon Dumlao didn't make it.  I hate you Lythgoe.

 

Kris Allen speaks the truth about Jelly Bellies and Doug.  People, seriously, how can you not love this guy.

How Do You Stop Hulu From Charging?

Take away its credit cards!  Bwahahahahaa!

 

If only.  Forget 2012, 2010 is the apocalypse.  Boo-lu.

Putty.

Cats can be awesome sometimes. Not often (die Jupiter!), but on occasion:

Maniacs.

So, a couple months ago, I blogged about the Texas State Fair selling deep-fried butter. Well, apparently it tastes good:

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

We're talking, Singles Ladies good:

Kritney.

My 20 year-old self and my 30 year-old self picnicked and plotzed at the awesomeness of this.

Aced.

I totally aced this quiz. Usually on Mental Floss quizzes I miss one or two answers but not this time. My family will tell you it's because I'm evil, seriously evil, when it comes to playing Monopoly. But I win. And that's the important thing.

Guts and Reactions.

30 Rock comes back on tonight! Can we just take a moment and reflect on how awesome this show is? And how amazing it is that between this and Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, it's Liz Lemon and company that turned out to be the good show? And how amazing it is that NBC has managed to not eff up its Thursday night comedies as badly as it has every other night and at 10pm?

An ode:



In other news, The Cleveland Show is okay, in that mind-numbing Family Guy inoculating against real life kind of way. So, yeah, I like it.

I wasn't expecting FlashForward to be as good as it was. It's like Lost Season 1. Which means that in two seasons I'm going to hate it with a passion only rivaled by my loathing of Dane Cook and Sienna Miller.

And lastly, I finally saw the first episode of the new season of Fringe, and all I could think was: J.J. is already retreading the Evil Francie storyline? REALLY? You are on notice J.J. I'm watching you. Close. Ly.

To Someone Crappy and To Someone Awesome.

So this season of ANTM absolutely sucks. This whole short girl thing has squeezed out interesting and likable people (except for Laura and Nicole -- they rawque). Tonight's ep just highlighted that. So to that end, a letter:

Dear Kara,

The reason that Nicole does better than you even though she sounds like a corpse when she talks is that she's nice and you're a b____. Also, you look like Amelie Mauresmo. Glad you got booted and lost out on everything you whined about in your exit interview like a sore loser who's never seen a reality show before.

Dear Jessica White,

You are to die. Please replace Ms. Banks as the host of the next cycle of ANTM.

Sincerely,

-28st.

PS: DID YOU ALL SEE THAT MY PICK BRANDON DUMLAO HAS MADE IT TO THE FINAL CUT NEXT WEEK ON SYTYCD? The last person to have this little screen time that I liked was one Mr. K-Sizzle. To. Die.

Yeah, I Know, For Someone Who Reads For a Living, It's Weird that I Read for Fun.

Whatever It Takes, by Paul Tough.
This recounts the story of Geoffrey Canada and the Harlem Children's Zone. I first heard about this on This American Life. And I had to pick up the book. I can't tell you how awesome and inspiring this story is about education and the war against poverty. I couldn't put the book down. Tough does an amazing job of de-politicizing the issue and not shying away from the failures of the program, along with the successes. Kick awesome

The Watchmen, by Alan Moore.
This is the granddaddy of graphic novels. I guess I'm a little weird because even though I was a comic book boy (as opposed to a baseball card boy) growing up, I liked the nerdy and geeky stuff more than the dark, post-modern brooding stuff. I appreciate the deconstruction of the superhero mythos, and I get why this is such a big deal. I get the feeling, however, that the importance of the novel was as much in its timing as it was in its form. Because the central plot doesn't seem as fresh as it probably did way back when. (Ack! I just wrote a criticism of TW on the interwebs! Heresy!)

A Roundup of Awesome Videos.

First, I don't watch Mad Men, but I don't live under a rock, either:



Sesame Street just used the word sycophant. Good Lord, I'd never get into college if I had to apply these days. Get ready for more coolness:



That was pretty cool. This is, admittedly, stupid:



I laughed. I'm five years old. Sue me. And now for good measure, a little Kris Allen looking hawt:



The Pocket Idol is touring in February. Every is on notice! (Is it weird that I actually think "Little Rock" would be a good album title?)

Et Tu Crayon Gods???

Planet Money has collected indicators of the down economy. This one hit close to home. Red Robin was like this safe haven of corporate-y restarantness in Durham when I went to law school. I mean, bottomless steak fries? It couldn't BE any better. Now that I'm in DC, I'll actually travel, yes travel as if it's a destination, to go to Red Robin to eat processed burgers. Because it's awesome.

But now there's just a little less color in the world. It reminds me of the DuckTales episode where Uncle Scrooge was captured in the penguin colony where color was scarce and therefore valued. Remember that one? Yeah, that's where Mrs. Beakley proved that she's aaaaaaaaalll right.

And another thing, if you name your kid "Scrooge," aren't you just ensuring that he's going to be a mean ol' cheapskate when he grows up? Imagine that conversation:
Mom - "What should we name him? John? Robert?"
Dad - "Those are nice I guess. But how about Scrooge?
Mom - "Hm. Scrrooooge. I like it!"

I Heart the 90's.

Jimmy Fallon pointed me to a picture that encapsulates the 90's.

Not bad, Mr. Anonymous Website Guy. I should doubt you less often.

Checking In On the Best Season of Top Chef To Date.

Que-wha?

Jennifer both smiles AND cries?

The evil brother is on the chopping block?

The good brother gets persnickety when people start trashing his brother's dish? He does love him!

Ash throws himself on the grenade? Well. I guess that's not that big of a surprise. But it's ASHLEY who gets booted? Oh Tom and Padma, you got this one so very wrong.

(And you could just see the evil brother thinking at Ash, like, buddy, what are you doing? Save yourself!)

Could Yukon Cornelius be more jolly?

This season is to die. To. Die.

MJ Is Nostradamus!

Holy carp!  MJ, who blogs about American Idol and SYTYCD, and who is far, far superior to Rickey.org, totally called it.  Droopy Dog Brother #2 got cut last night!  This after everyone, everyone, got cut.  One of my faves, who I failed to blog about before, Jonathan Litzler had to dance for his life, duh duh duh, and tumbled.  Literally.  Cut.

 

But my other fave, Brandon Dumlao, has made it through Day One.  He hasn't been getting profiled, but I've been able to catch him in the background making it.  Sweet.

Worlds. Colliding.

Oh great. My internet worlds are colliding. And not in a happy way where Kris Allen stumbles on my blog, realizes we're meant to be besties, and we, um, blog about pop culture together.

For you lam-o's who don't click on links, here's the lowdown on the downlow: My beloved Planet Money just linked to ATL. ATL! Jebus, it's like I've actually surfed the entire internet.

I Guess It Pays To Discover.

I got snagged by a photo enforcement thingy in DC. To pay the ticket, I used a credit card. They accept Discover but not American Express.

(a) Who accepts Discover?
(b) Discover still exists?
(c) Does anyone use Discover other than Michael Chang?

Even More Gut Reactions.

The Good Wife.
OMG, Carol Hathaway can do law! That sneaky and magical nurse. Okay, so the inner-politics of big law firm life is way more on the Eli Stone side of reality (as in, not at all) than is the channel formerly known as CourtTV, and, well, that's really all I've got. I get the sense that this is a Prisonbreak type show, where the central conceit probably works better as a movie than as a series. If you strip away the stripped-from-the-headlines dressings, the show is basically the second half of Law and Order.
Verdict: I'll watch the second episode, but I don't have a good feeling that this is going to become Can't Miss.

Eastwick.
Amazing. There is something worse than Lindsay Price. Hey, Rebecca Romijn, the '50's called. They want their broad acting back. Yeah, I know that could be benchier, but I'm tired, this would be like shooting fish that are tied to the end of a gun.
Verdict: Keep Sara Rue, Jaime Ray Newman, and Matt Dallas. Ditch the rest.

Modern Family. Once the connection between the three families was revealed, the pilot sort of fell into place. Now the truth of the title came through, and the chances for some real kick-awesome family dinner type scenes just went waay up. I liked the pilot well enough, but I'm moreso looking forward to what's to come.
Verdict: Solid start. The kid who plays Manny is a winner. And Ed O'Neill is yet another Married With Children alum who's done good.

Cougartown.
We have a winner! I get the criticism that Courteney Cox Arquette is too hot to pretend to be an over-the-hill fortysomething year-old. But she is so balls out with the humiliations, I can't help but laugh. Maybe it was low expectations, but I laughed more genuinely during this than I did during Modern Family.
Verdict: KEEPER!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Part IV+.

Ah, Week 4 of the new TV season. Week 3 had some bril starts (HIMYM, bien duh; and Cougartown, quel surprizze!). Let's see what's on tap next:

• The Simpsons. Look, I get it. The Simpsons isn't as good as it was in the '90s. That doesn't mean it's terrible. It's still better than most crap that's on TV (and trust me, I know, I watch a LOT of crap). So I watch it. Although, I wish that Comcast (*spit*) would fix its DVR programming so that when I tell it to record only new episodes, it ONLY RECORDS NEW EPISODES. And not like every syndicated run that isn't tagged with a "Repeat" tag. Come on you idiots. And while you're at it. Fix Bravo and Lifetime and USA, too.
  
• The Cleveland Show. I like Family Guy. Sue me. At least I know that Family Guy is a rip-off of The Simpsons. I know my history -- good and proper.
  
• Family Guy. Sue me.
  
• The Middle. The previews looked good, but the time slot (8:30 on Wednesday -- really?) is killer. I probably won't end up following it, but the vibe is very Malcolm in the Middle's first season -- you know, the only good season it had.
  

And after Week 4, the intensity of newness sort of dies down. So scattered about like the remnants of Britney's career (and Whitney's voice -- have you heard her new album? Miss I Need a Bodyguard needs a lozenge) are the following:

• 30 Rock. "I was just thinking about how weird it is that we eat birds." I can't wait to watch for more antics by Bobby Jindal's brother from anotha motha and Liz Lemon.
  
• White Collar. I started watching Psych after a year in, and it was painful trying to catch up on it. So this time, I have my eye on another show that I hope is more Psych and less Monk, and I'll try and keep with it from the beganning.
  
• V. Back in the '80s when I was a young spring chicken in my forties, I was freaked out by this show that my brother loved. And now they're doing a remake with Scott Wolf (long live Bailey!) and Juliet from Lost. I think that now that I'm a sturdy septagenarian, I should be able to handle the creeps. But word has it that ABC is futzing with the scheduling -- doing little mini-batches of episodes. I fear that V will fail.
  

I Tell The Future.

The Beautiful Life: TBL became the first official casualty of the 2009-10 fall TV season.

 

Some of us [read: me] suggested as much by indicating that TBL would be the first show bumped from their [read: my] DVR schedule.  Corbin, thou art no Zacquisha.

Live Like You Like Kris Allen.

I haven't talked about k-sizzle and his kick-awesomeness in a while. Here's what's new:

On Monday, his first single came out:



It's a cover of a no-name band's b-side. Some peeps are upset that his first album isn't "Allenized" like Heartless or She Works Hard for the Money were. Screw them! It's not like he's covering U2 or Bob Dylan or the Beatles. He's covering a band who hasn't broken into the U.S. market and who didn't even release the song. So... yeah. Also, given that this is the first album -- which, unless you are Carrie Underwood, always blows chunks for Idol contestants, just singing a good ol' pop song is friggin' sweet.

Krissy Poo also held a Twitter party where he answer some fun questions. Although he isn't perfect, he has f'ed up dreams like the best of us and likes pumpkin.

And finally, he and Jim Cantiello are adorable:



Jim calls Kris tiny. Kris zings Michael Slezak and calls out the Lam-skanks. Not in that order. Perfection.

Some More Gut Reactions.

Melrose Place
Ashlee Simpson did not die in the first episode... Minus points.
Everyone is put in a morally compromising situation... Even.
The girl from Battlestar Galactica: Razor is on it... Bonus points.
Verdict: Remains as a series-recording on the DVR, but I've already noticed that I put off watching it, so its continued presence in my life is on the brink.

The Beautiful Life: TBL
Shot in that weird way where the vocal track seems slightly out of synch with the video... Minus.
Not enough catfighting among the models... Minus.
Corbin Bleu is no Zacquisha... Minus (but what did you expect?)
And Marisa is great as the bitch... Bonus.
Verdict: Already bumped from my DVR list. Remains to be seen if I ever bother catching up on the interwebs.

Community
The jokes come so fast, it's almost hard to keep up... Even.
Love the Asperger's guy... Bonus.
Sassy black woman is appropriately sassy... Bonus.
Chevy Chase is actually funny... Bonus.
Verdict: Not just DVR'd -- it's prioritized near the top of the list.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year: Part III.

Week 3 of the new fall season is now! Week 2 had some goodies, and now here are the premieres I'm interested in:

• How I Met Your Mother. HIMYM is finally getting some recognition for being a ridiculously well-written and acted TV show (although it lost the Emmy tonight). I firmly believe that it's Friends for Gen Y and the Millenials. But of course, some of us have been superfans since day 1 -- before it was cool to be NPH acolytes.
  
• NCIS: LA. Reva likes the original NCIS, but I've never given it a shot. I don't know. I like procedurals, but I don't get addicted to them like I do to Padma Laksmi. I will say, though, that there's something about the combo of Chris O'Donnell and LL Cool J and the focus on undercover work that makes this sound pretty good.
  
• The Good Wife. Juliana Margulies is awesome. But she SUCKED on Canterbury's Law. And now she's playing another lawyer. I don't know. Maybe she really is only good opposite George Clooney? Or playing a nurse? I'll watch the pilot, but I don't have high hopes.
  
• Modern Family. I had this on my list, and then I took it off after I saw the preview, and then I put it back on after the ridick buzz it's been getting. I'll check it out, I guess.
  
• Cougartown. I've loved Courteney Cox Arquette ever since she was Alex P. Keaton's girlfriend (just as I've loved Matthew Perry since he was Tracey Gold's boyfriend on Growing Pains -- fyi, recall that Tracey's sister Missy was on Benson! Which starred Robert Guillaume who was on Sports Night by Aaron Sorkin, who wrote the miserably bad Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip on which, yup, Matthew Perry starred!).
  
• Eastwick. I don't get the appeal of Lindsey Price. I think she's a black hole of charisma and talent. And now I've learned she's dating Ted Mosby. Ted could do so. much. better. Sort of hoping this will be a, you know, good version of Charmed.
  
• Flashforward. Urgh. This just doesn't sound good at all -- but I don't know -- I really like John Cho and Joseph Fiennes. And I wonder if the show can really sustain itself based on the premise. The Nine had a cool idea -- but that sucked.
  
• Dollhouse. I'm a Joss Whedon geek.

And this week presents the first DVR war. Wednesday during the 9pm hour, I've got three networks duking it out for my non-Nielsen-but-super-awesome-blog-review-attention. First, there's Glee, which is pretty much set. Second, there's TBL, which is terrible. And third, there's Modern Family and Cougartown. As of now, all three networks are likely to put the full eps online. I'm thinking that TBL is gonna lose this one (that's what you get, Corbin Bleu, for putting on weight).

Random Memory.

A long, long time ago, I was going to the mall or the library (was I suburban or nerdy or both?), and my older brother asked me to pick up a book for him that he needed for school.  I have terrible ears and frequently mishear things. 

 

Which explains why I couldn't find "Tequila Mockingbird" anywhere.  And I looked.  Oh how I looked.

Glee: Gut Reaction.

After all the hubbub that was the pilot of Glee being shown after my Kris Allen destroyed expectations in American Idol earlier this year, the expectations for the regular series was, you know, kinda up there.

With that, it's not bad. I'm still waaaay more into the show-choir reworking of awesome pop songs (I've accidentally heard that they'll be covering Keep Holding On by Avril -- ombombombombomb -- I can't wait.) The in-between stuff needs to find a better rhythm though.

Here's what's awesome:

Dianna Agron as Quinn. The queen-B cheerleader undercover spy juicy wicked girl. The one we're supposed to hate. I sort of love her.

Matthew Morrison as the lead. You couldn't possibly have a more likeable leading character, unless you cast Kris Allen. But Kris would be too short to play the lead. The fact that he originated Link in Hairspray on Broadway, which of course was later played by Zacquisha in the movie, is only awesomer.

Rachel mellowing out. Rachel is the most believable teen. At first I was annoyed by her as the too perfect, uptight, drama hag. But with this second ep, she's showing herself to be more of a -- can't help but express what she's feeling teen. I'm really happy that they went this way with the character.

Here's what's not awesome:

Will's wife. I hate when tv shows or movies give the main character an S.O. who is so obviously wrong for them to the point that it's just stupid that they are even together. At no point do we ever see why in the world Will, who is such a decent guy, would be with a drag like her. Or should I say it.

That's about it. Hmm... so just write Will's wife off the show. Stick him with Jayma Mays, who is adorable and move on. It's a subplot that show's no promise. What. So. Ever.

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year: Part II.

Ah, week 2 of the new fall season. As before, here are the premieres this week that I'm keeping my eye on:

• The Beautiful Life: TBL. Not since The O.C. has an acronym been this anticipated. I mean, really, what is the POINT of the acronym here? Corbin Bleu tries to go all Zacquisha-legit on us. Mischa Barton takes Method acting to a new level. As long as TBL doesn't try and have us sympathize with the spoiled brats (hello Grey's, I'm snarking at you), this show might be worth it.
  
• The Office. Since last year, Fake Jim and Real Jim are both engaged. Here's the big difference between why The Office works and why Parks & Recreation doesn't: Last season, we got a chance to see that Michael Scott is good at his job, and more importantly, is believably good at his job. He sucks as a person, but there's an element of realness there. Whereas Leslie Knope is just stupid.
• Community. This premise is pure gold. And The Soup continues to be the most unlikely springboard into stardom (who would have thought THAT???).
  
• Fringe. Olivia Dunham is no longer annoying in that want-to-shove-her-pompous-and-frigid-face-into-a-cherry-pie way. Charlie, the best thing about the show, has NOT been fired. The only thing I'm worried about is that J.J. doesn't have the best record when it comes the later years of his series (although he manages to right them in the end). Alias's second season was great, Lost's was decent, and Felicity's was okay. I think Fringe will be okay at least this year, but I'm already worried about what comes next. And not in a good way.
  

The Vampire Diaries: So Sucked In.

Dear Diary,

I'm twenty-eight something years old, so it'd be nice if I could stop being addicted to teen-based shows. My days obsessing over the heyday of the WB (remember when Katie Holmes was normal?) were fun and all, but I'm an adult now. And I was making real progress because I don't watch Gossip Girl, I wouldn't (and didn't) touch 90210 with a 10-foot pole, and I think that Twilight is just the worst possible thing in the world. I mean, just really, really terrible -- what with the sparkles and the... sparkles. (After they killed off Cam Gigandet, I was so done with it.)

So now comes The Vampire Diaries, which, smart peeps, we all know came before the dreck that is Twilight (seriously - sparkles?). And yeah, it seems that with True Blood, Twilight, and now this, whichever more-clever-than-I pop culture couch commentator said "it's got vampires in it? just stick it in my eyes!" was sort of on the ball. But the thing is: it's kick-awesome, just as I hoped.

First and foremost, Kevin Williamson, of Dawson's Creek gen-yoos and Scream brils, is behind the wheel. No one does teen angst like he does -- except maybe Greg Berlanti -- no wait, Kevin does it better... or maybe Greg. At least K.Will does precocious banter and irony better for sure -- the best friend who jokes about being psychic and then is? How Whoopi Goldberg!

Second, they dipped way back into the Everwood well and plucked out Steven R. McQueen, who is genetically composed of puppy dogs and napping bunny rabbits. He plays the brother who is trying to be a rebel, and is just cuddly-wuddly cute, complete with a wet nose, trying to do just that. He reminds me of my little brother. Heh.

Third, there is a non-vampire descendant of Stefan in the mix -- holding down the fort. I'm fascinated by that little thread.

Fourth, the actors are all messed up in the ages! The actor who plays Elena is younger than Steven R. Babylioncub, but Elena is the older sister. And other than a couple of the actors, everyone is in their mid-twenties. Sigh, I love teen soap casting.

And finally, there are some good ol' vampire rules that are back in place (no thanks to Twilight's dumbing down of the legends). Sun is bad? Check. Must be invited into the house? Check. Good at brooding? Duh. That one's always around.

ANTM Cycle 13: Episode 1 - Girls Get Cut.

Initial thoughts on the season of the Short Girl. When did 5'7" become short? Why such a strict cut-off? And...

• Broken-foot Girl seems halfway normal. She's my favorite so far.
• Bloody-eye Girl is like Luna Lovegood! Not responding to her name being called? Sweet. I luvs hrr.
• Kentucky-fried Girl got shafted. Her photo was not in the bottom half. I like her spunk.
  

Those are my three faves. I'm not a fan of those who create drama (although they make for good tv) and a few more thoughts: Man-Girl is a man, and Bambi-Girl freaks me out.

So I Know I Can Watch Dance.

I'm kinda awesome at predictions. After the first audition, I've got my eye on Brandon Dumlao. Go to about 30 seconds in:

MJ is predicting that Ryan Ksprckzck will be this season's Natalie Reid. I'm intrigued.

Top Chef Vegas: Frenchies Partout.

This week's ep of Top Chef didn't have an awesome Padma-3-snap-put-down, but it was still fun.

First, the sexual tension between Jennifer and Brother #1 is like in overboard drive. We're talking, like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan hot, only with hot people.

Second, douchey-Mike is soooooo deluded if he thinks he's part of the top 4 that is Jennifer, Brother #1, Brother #2, and _____. Could he be more "hey guys! what's happening? i'm cool too because i hang out with you!"

Third, I take back some (but not all) of the crap I dished out at Ashley. She could have thrown Mattin under the bus in retaliation for Mattin, you know, chucking her there (DUDE VOUS ETES SUR LA TELE -- WE SAW YOU NIX THE ASPARAGUS). To Tom Colicchio's credit, he totally sensed what was happening and pointed out to the other judges that Mattin parled a fib. This is why Tom and Padma make such a good pair. They see all, and they hold the chefs accountable.

The only thing I don't like about this season is that there seems to be SUCH a clear divide between the eloi and the morloks. Ice Queen, the brothers aren't twins, and the Southern dude with a complex about being southern are clearly better than everyone else. I like snarky horn-rimmed glasses guy, for comic relief, but that's about it. Everyone else sucks! We gotta get some more ups and downs coming, otherwise I'm going to be bored until the top 5 or so.

Freebird!

Oh, GOP. From Joe the Plumber to Joe the Heckler? Really? With tactics like that, you're just asking for retaliation. (Keep refreshing the linked website for hours of entertainment.)

The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.

I sort of love watching TV. I might love it even more than watching movies and puppies. The fall TV season is always just a hyper mess of what to try and commit to, what not to, etc. So much fun!

Here's some stuff that I'm curious about that are (or have) premiered this week:

• Melrose Place. I wasn't a Beverly Hills 90210 person, but when we followed Jake to the apartment complex of naughty bits, I was totally suckered in. And then I stopped watching when they got all old and stuff. But now they're young again! And Katie Cassidy, who was impressively good on Harper's Island, is on it. I just hope that they kill off Ashlee Simpson-Dogface off soon. What a terrible casting choice.
  
• America's Next Top Model. It's a season full of short girls. Which is so dumb. Ms. T is always all about trying to have a fat girl win the thing (which is why, honestly, that Whitney beat Anya in Cycle 10) -- why not, you know, have an entire plus-sized season? But no. They went short. And I'll still watch.
• So You Think You Can Dance. I think it's a terrible decision to move it to the fall, instead of as a fluffy summer fling. TV seasons are no longer September to May type deals. And yet, I'll still watch it.
• Glee. I'm not one of the hordes of worshippers of this show, cuz I sort of think the stuff that happens between the fun songs is boring. If they can match the choreographed show choir scenes awesomeness in the, you know, talking part, I'll be a superfan. For now? Just sing and dance.
• Vampire Diaries. Yeah, yeah, I hate Twilight, but Ian Somerhalder makes a good vampire. And the CW does teen angst waaaaaay better than sparkly Edward Cullen any day.

I'll do this each week for the new season premieres since there are way too many shows to list all at once. And then I'll try and give my gut opinions of the shows whenever I get around to DVRing them. Yay! That's the fun of life these days, I can totally talk about uber-passe things and still feel good about myself.

Lemme Tell You.

Sonic has finally come to Massachusetts. You have no idea how awesome this is. Herewith is a full on analysis:

For some, it was their first time at Sonic after years of seeing the chain's television ads.

Yup. This has been such an effin' tease. They'd advertise and advertise, but we COULDN'T GO TO ONE.

"I am originally from Texas and Sonics were all over the place, so when I found out they were building one in Mass., I was wicked excited,'' said Lundstrom . . . .

Heh. Sounds like Mr. Lundstrom is a full fledged Yankee now.

Krispy Kreme drew hordes of doughnut devotees when it opened in Medford in 2003, but today it has no stores in the state.

Here's the diff: Krispy Kreme sucks. And Dunkin' Donuts is awesome. Ask any New Englander which they prefer. In fact, ask any New Englander what their favorite coffee is. KK had no hope. But there's no local Sonic-like institution in the Northeast. I think they're going to be just fine.

"Oh my God, Sonic is so much better than going to a bar,'' Brockman said.

Sing it.

I Forgot To Post This.

Is it considered scooping someone when you write a pop culture op-ed about a topic before someone else does? 'Cuz EW totes scooped Gawker re: bad mommies.

That reminds me. So this weekend whilst I was in Vegas, it struck me just how many families with young children there were. Out and about at all hours of the night. Including after midnight in the smoke-filled, scantily-clad-dancer-accented, frat-boys-pickled-in-alcohol casinos. What the hell? How is this a family destination? Who are these parents who think that this would be fun for their kids? Probably the same ones who'd buy this for them.

If You're Awesome, You'll Understand This.

I went to Vegas this weekend for the holiday. Other than learning that I'm apparently very good at blackjack, I learned that Canadians aren't actually afraid of the dark.

It's like learning that the Easter Bunny is not actually man-sized.

Reva, Adam, and I Pretty Much Talk About PC All The Time.

Adam had a fun post where he actually, you know, self-assessed his summer movie preview. Sheesh. So, like, I don't know, business-worldy grown-up of him! Thought it might be fun, so here I go looking back with 20-20 h.s. and all that jazz at what I was looking forward to this past summer for box office bliss.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Will have to catch up on blu-ray.
Star Trek. Amazing. Including the mole below Chris Pine's ear.
Brothers Bloom. Sigh, there just aren't enough convenient indie theaters in D.C.
Angels & Demons. A victim of bad buzz. I'm sure I'll catch it on TNT some time.
Up. Pixar goes 634,293 for 634,293. I mean, seriously.
The Hangover. Heh.
Year One. Huge disappointment. This should have been like Stewie among typical babies, and it was more like crap among crap.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Things go boom, and I missed it somehow.
Bruno. A victim of bad buzz.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.
Funny People. Never saw it. Prolly still will at some point.
Paper Heart. Why did I ever think I'd want to see this?
G.I.Joe: Rise of Cobra. I'll still see it, but I've heard that Sienna Miller ruins yet another movie.
The Time-Traveler's Wife. A victim of bad buzz.
Inglourious Basterds. There's still time, right? I'll go see it, I swair!

Padma Cuts Mike.

This week's Top Chef was awesome and infuriating for a couple reasons.

First, I heart the Ice Queen: Jennifer.

Second, I'm peeved about Ashley being quite the fairweather lesbian. Last week she's up in arms that Bravo, the gayest channel on TV, would dare "force" her, a voluntary cheftestant, to cook for a couple getting married, when gays can't get married, except for in Massachusetts (holla!), Iowa, Vermont, Connecticut, New Hampshire, and Maine (don't you date pull a California, you former territory of Massachusetts). How dare they make a chef cook food for a customer who's done her no wrong! But... she'll gladly cook for the military, even though they won't let her serve, you know, cuz she's obviously telling. Oh right, because she might get shot at by bullets. Look, I'm all for picking and choosing your battles, but don't stand on an overarching principle one day and then conveniently forget about it the next just because you finally put on a clean pair of underwear.

And third, I hate Mike, the chef from DC. So how much did I fist-pump the air when Padma took out a bottle of whupass on him. Deal with the 30 second commercial, and then fast-forward to about 5 minutes remaining:



Padma, you had me at Padma.

Even I Can't Eat That.

As someone who has eaten at various points in his life: a deep-fried cheeseburger; deep-fried oreos; deep-fried twinkies; deep-fried pickles; deep-fried coke; a three-day old Taco Bell burrito; Spam; and food I didn't know the name of or from what creature/plant/chemical plant it came, even this makes me gag.

Deep-fried butter.

It is exactly as it sounds. Everything is bigger in Texas, including the artery blockages.

I'm Old.

The Beloit College list is out for the new Class of 2013. For the past ten years or so, these profs at Beloit have published a list to give other faculty a sense of what the cultural worldview is of the incoming freshmen. It's sort of a fascinating time capsule of how much has changed in such a short time.

These in particular make me feel like I'm 93 years old:

• They have never used a card catalog to find a book.
• Salsa has always outsold ketchup.
• Earvin "Magic" Johnson has always been HIV-positive.
• Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream has always been a flavor choice.
• They have never had to “shake down” an oral thermometer.
• The European Union has always existed.
• Desperate smokers have always been able to turn to Nicoderm skin patches.
• There has always been a Cartoon Network.
• They have never been Saved by the Bell. [<---ARE YOU KIDDING ME???]
• There has always been a Planet Hollywood.
• Two Koreas have always been members of the UN.
• Official racial classifications in South Africa have always been outlawed.
• Nobody has ever responded to “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

Livres.

Finished a couple books recently:

The New Kings of Nonfiction, ed. Ira Glass. Sort of a written version of This American Life. I already mentioned that I'm totes down with David Foster Wallace. Other good pieces had to do with a toxic dump site, and the cost of eating a cow. Lesser pieces were way too esoteric and detailed -- about the art world and poker tournaments. Those could have used a tad more (read: a lot more) editing.

The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. Julie and Julia, but with more serial killing and more architecture, not necessarily in that order, and less womyns and cooking. I'm not entirely sure that the juxtaposition of the two histories (one of the Chicago World's Fair, and one of an early psychopath) works seamlessly -- it's basic conjecture to think whether the two ever really intertwined in a meaningful way. Sort of In Cold Blood-ish in its narrative style, which kinda works. Yeah, can you tell I liked it, but didn't love it?

Another One With the Embryos.

Of the gajabillions of TV shows I watch, I have not yet seen It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia on FX. But this promo just ran, and I might have peed a little after I finished watching it:



Even though Monica's biggest pet peeve is animals dressed as people (from the single kick-awesomist episode of Friends ever, the One with the Embryos), I do get a chuckle out of how mean it is to do that to aminals. Reva did it to her dog, but it's even absurder (<--- not a real word) to do it to a cat.

Even When He's Bad, He's Good.

My friends and I sort of worship Neil Patrick Harris. He's Dr. Evil for Pete's sake! And Barney Stinson! And Doogie ! And the list just goes on. (FYI, I totally saw him in Proof opposite Anne Heche on Broadway. And I ate dinner two tables away from him at the Gramercy Tavern in NYC.)

It came to my attention that NPH auditioned for the role of Dr. Tam on Firefly, which role he didn't get. Sean Maher got it instead. Which made it possible for one Zacquisha (because he actually can pass for a young Sean Maher) to get his first onscreen role as the young Dr. Tam, thereby fulfilling a geektastic degree of separation between him the Whedonverse.

It's crap like this that makes me happy.

Jimmy Fallon Strikes Again. And Bye Teddy - We'll Miss You.

OMG. I thought the Hawaii Chair was fiction, like Santa Claus, gravity, or Britney's chastity belt. But this:



This is fake, right? Wrong.

Thank you Jimmy. Your interns (or whoever) are the. awesomest. websurfers. ever.

And Now a Third Thought.

So, continuing on this little money phase I've got going on: Planet Money did a podcast interview with Crazy Eddie. DUDE. I grew up in western Massachusetts, so I was totally close enough to the New York City media markets to see this commercial on TV all the time:



Like, that and Sesame Street. All the time.

So what I didn't realize (and why it makes sense that this would be on an economics podcast) was that Crazy Eddies was guilty of one of the biggest securities fraud cases in history (I feel like I should have known this -- but I moved to eastern Mass fairly early on, and that's like an entirely different world -- more white collar, less redneck). And Planet Money interviewed the guy that snitched on everyone. Suh-hweeeeeet.

Quite possibly one of the most interesting things I've heard in a long, long time. It's insane.

Baseball Jargon Pet Peeve.

Look, I'm happy, nay, THRILLED that the Red Sox are righting their little post-break slide (freefall?), but the grammar nazi that I am can't help but shudder at the improper use of baseball terminology. Last night, David Ortiz did NOT hit a walk-off homerun to win the game. To do that, there had to have been at least one runner on base (the score was 2-2 before Ortiz came up to bat. The whole idea behind a walk-off is that the hitter doesn't need to cross home plate -- but in this case, Ortiz had to do just that to make the score officially 3-2 for the Boston win.

Late inning heroics are good and all, and Ortiz, steroids or no, is totes clutch, but walk-offs are a unique beast. Close enough is for horseshoes and hand grenades (oopah! I've been waiting--DYING even--to use that in my writing!), not walk-offs.