American Idol 8: The Top 5.

I hate Comcast. They messed up my recording, so I could only catch Kris and Allison on rickey.org (thanks, Rickey, btw!). So I'm in a bad mood now. And I don't have the patience to write a good recap (like I ever did). I need my Real World / Road Rules fix to come a day early. (I know, I haven't written about that show -- trust me, it's amazing, and yes, entirely sexual -- I'm just too lazy to do it.)

1. Adam was the best. I like that they haven't been giving him grief this season at how theatrical he is. It almost did in Clay, and it did do in Scooter Girl. But the pimp spot again? Really? Really? With that entrance, I almost expected his whole body to unzip to reveal a tiny four foot drag queen inside with fishnets. Like Lucy the Slut (<--hugs for who gets the reference!).

2. Allison was second best. Hey, judges, this is the raspy voice you should be lovin'. Ok, so she pronounces the song like "Hsomeone hto hwaaaaaatch hover hhhhhhhhme." So hwhat. Her voice sounds great recorded. (Her Hpapa Hwas Ha Hrolling Hstone is one of two songs I've bought from iTunes this season.)

3. Kris was third, but by a bit. For the first time, I liked his last falsetto note. But I wasn't crazy about the John McCain-type shuffling around the stage he was doing. John McCain isn't hot like you are Kris, but even you can't pull that off. Take off your shirt. What?

4. Matt was a close fourth. Unlike past songs, I liked his second half better than the first half of his song. But DUDE. You sang Melinda Doolittle's signature Idol song! There are only three people left in this competition who can dare reach for the sun, and you aren't one of them. Neither is Gokey. Because I hate him.

5. Evil Gokey. STOP. SHOUTING. AT. ME.

Easy money says that Matt and Allison are in the bottom two, with Matt going home.

Oh, and Dear FOX: F--- you for having the top 5 sing only 1 song. It almost makes me hate you as much as I hate Comcast. If you keep this amateur crap up on this season where I want to dream about Kris, Adam, and Allison frolicking in the vales and valleys, I'm going to come over there and make you wear whatever giant torn lips that Paula was calling a "dress" tonight.

Most in need of being fired: Randy. What did he say? It's not about the connection? I... I'm flabbergasted that he's a music producer. Just flabbergasted.