But this season, I've voted more and more with each show for Kris Allen. There's something about him. Sure, he's hot. And yeah, he's hot. And of course, there's the convincing argument that he's hot. But you can get that anywhere on the interwebs (it's a series of tubes!!!). So maybe it's the humbleness. Or the laid-back chilled 'tude. Or maybe he's defied the producers' over-the-top (moreso than usual) manipulations this season. Or maybe it's that his faith isn't all "look at me I'm so fancy" (that's real inspiration Gokey, when you lead by example and not scream liking a dying chihuahua at us).
I went into tonight's episode thinking that the judges were going to throw Kris under the bus, and then throw a steamboat on top because gosh darnit, Kris just won't surrender (maybe it's because he's, you know, really talented -- HWAH??? On AI??? Unpossible!!!!). But they didn't. Sure, "Apologize" wasn't great. Kris's falsetto isn't that good. And sure, they put Kris in the middle of the performing order. And sure, the camera work was all Black-Pearl-topsy-I'm-gonna-puke-on-this-sailor. Ok, so maybe they did try and throw him under the bus.
But WOW. Kanye West's "Heartless" remixed? On an ACOUSTIC GUITAR? He remixed the remixer. That's like the first time I learned you can use Twizzlers as straws and make water taste sweet. The henley on Kris was icing, but nothing, I mean, nothing matched the kick-awesomeness of k-sizzle's tender-puppy rendition of that song.
[Side note: Kris was totally rocking nail polish a la the Glambert. I just can't pass up this opportunity to note that Kris, clearly a devout fundy-like Christian, is buds with the Glambo. It gives me hope that the world isn't completely filled with suckitude. Endeth the sap.]
I thought Adam Lambert's Aerosmith song was the better of his two for a couple reasons. First, his voice matches Steven Tyler's. And second, and way more interestingly, I think that Adam secretly (or maybe not so secretly) hates Gokey, and wanted to remind audiences of Gokey's awful Dream On from last week. It was a big F YOU to Gokey.
I had high expectations for One, and it reeked of drama, theatricality, and desperation. That's the exact opposite of what that song can be. It can be hopeful. It can be angsty. It can be enraged. But no matter what it's honest. And Glambake's rendition was anything but.
And then there's Gokey. I, I can't even allow myself to keep this memory in my head. He gets to show us what kind of artist he'll be by choosing anything, ANYTHING. And he chooses "You Are So Beautiful"?????? INSERT INTERROBANG HERE. Look at Adam -- he chose a glamrock arena anthem. Look at Kris -- he Mrazed up a song we thought we knew. Both of these have a place in this world. Look at Gokey. And then turn to stone. And then stick a pencil in your eye if you voted for it.
I don't even care what Paula chose for him. No interpretation. Just him yelling at me again to give myself over to the Gokey, I mean Jesus. Because he's inspirational. Didn't you know that?
I can't make a prediction at all. It's all about fanbases right now. The casual viewer may make a dent.
- I do worry, as Simon did, about Adam's fans thinking he's safe, and voting for Kris to boot Danny. There are a lot of self-dubbed "Kradam" fans out there (myself included). But they can't sacrifice the forest for the trees. Adam must win this season as much as Kris must slay Danny.
- Danny still got an absurd ovation after his chauffering us to the Gokey circle of hell. HOW?? People? All logic points to him beating Kris. But I have to believe, much as good ol' Spock from the surprisingly awesome new Star Trek, that logic alone won't prevail here.
- I'm not asking for Kris to win the whole thing. It's all about Adam. I get that. But Gokey's reign of terror must end here. Throw water on him. Crush him with a house. I don't care. Just send the dude back to Wisconsin and let him "inspire" people to be douche bags.
Bril, peeps, just bril:
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