I'm Old.

The Beloit College list is out for the new Class of 2013. For the past ten years or so, these profs at Beloit have published a list to give other faculty a sense of what the cultural worldview is of the incoming freshmen. It's sort of a fascinating time capsule of how much has changed in such a short time.

These in particular make me feel like I'm 93 years old:

• They have never used a card catalog to find a book.
• Salsa has always outsold ketchup.
• Earvin "Magic" Johnson has always been HIV-positive.
• Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream has always been a flavor choice.
• They have never had to “shake down” an oral thermometer.
• The European Union has always existed.
• Desperate smokers have always been able to turn to Nicoderm skin patches.
• There has always been a Cartoon Network.
• They have never been Saved by the Bell. [<---ARE YOU KIDDING ME???]
• There has always been a Planet Hollywood.
• Two Koreas have always been members of the UN.
• Official racial classifications in South Africa have always been outlawed.
• Nobody has ever responded to “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”