American Idol 8: The First 12!

It's HERE! Oh, man. After all the crappy early rounds, and the frustrating Hollywood rounds where AI just doesn't tell you enough, the audience finally takes control. These are the ones that the judges see fit to represent the show... and be ridiculed by anonymous bloggers like myself who have nothing better to do than trash them. I mean, love them. So much to discuss: I'm getting to it, Reva!

First thoughts first: Why doesn't the AI official website have clips of the contestants from their auditions or their Hollywood performances? My goodness. Not all the songs they sung could be unclearable with the copyright gods. AI, come on, help develop the rabid fanbases that you so desperately need to reattract.

Here's my grouping of how they did tonight. Only TWO really were worthy:

• Danny Gokey. I love that Simon totally called out the producers and said that he's "not yet bought the hype." Danny was the best tonight, and he got the big pimpin' finale slot, but there's something smug about him that I don't like. It's sort of like Justin Guarini, and we know how that Sideshow Bob-wannabe turned out. Also, I don't like how creepy it is that Paula is cougar-ing all over you all the time. Make her stop.
  
• Alexis Grace. Oh man. I loved her tonight. She was like Kristin Chenoweth-lite spitfire of soul. I worry that her lack of screentime thus far will hold her back... except that the other girls tonight sucked. And that includes my early fave, Ann Marie.

I still think that the third slot is going to be taken by a guy. It's the battle of the internet vs. the heartland:

• Anoop Desai. Anoop has sung Angel of Mine before. If you search for other YouTube stuff, you'll find that Anoop is actually amazing. This is what he should have sung. I don't think enough people are that diligent, though, and his sort of meh performance tonight is buoyed only by the fact that he's gotten a lot of screentime, and he has a memorable name.
• Michael Sarver. But Michael does, too. And while his song kinda sucked, Simon is right, Michael is absolutely lovable. He dances like crap, though, but even his moves are endearingly bad. Sort of like a dancing polar bear.
  

The peloton as I see it:

• Ricky Braddy. Dude. You've had Paula rubbing herself all over you in the press. Why would you Manilow it up with that tux, and sing a song that Elliot Yamin fans hold so close to their hearts? They are already to hate Matt Giraud. You should have sidestepped that landmine.
• Ann Marie Boskovich. Blurg. This was so Miss America circa 1992... down to the outstretched arm and fingers pointing to the sky. Ann Marie looked like Jamie Lee Curtis in the hotel scene in True Lies... and not in a good way (is there a good way?). I love her even more for dissing Sara Bareilles, but she has GOT to be thanking her lucky stars that the producers gave her as much screen time as they did. But with Alexis rocking the kazbah, and at least three guys fighting for the other spots, she's in trouble.
• Brent Keith. Talk about a guy you could see in any bar south of the Mason-Dixon. Go back to Nashville.
• Tatiana Del Toro. The only thing good about having it in the Top 36 will be the screams of utter despair when it doesn't make it through. On live TV. Sweet.
• Jackie Tohn. Clown? That's being generous.
  

It's an honor just to have been nominated:

• Stephen Fowler. I can't care enough to write something snarky.
  
• Casey Carlson. Eat a hamburger.
  
• Stevie Wright. Stop trying to look like the girls from Real World / Road Rules Challenge.
  

And some thoughts going forward:

• Kara, what is up with you frenching the microphone. We can hear you and your overbite. For someone in the recording industry, you seem to have terrible microphone-awareness.
• Paula, what is up with the crying?
• Whose brilliant idea was it to make the contestant run up stairs after their critiques to get interviewed. Dead air means lost viewers.
• Whoever messed up that Brent Keith footage is so fired. In this economy, getting fired from the only sure thing that is AI is just the height of idiocy.
• I'm amazed by how much the judges have agreed with each other this season. It's especially fun when they all hate a contestant. Now (see Casey Carlson), they have to withstand four punches in the gut. (I'm impressed that Casey held back the tears like she did. Good for her.)
• Contestants, stop talking back to the judges.
• NPH, I heart you.