American Idol 8: The Top 11 at the Grand Ole Opry.

I'm short on time, so I'm going to non-live-live-blog tonight's Top 11 Grand Ole Opry Show. I'm starting my DVR playback about, oh, 35 minutes in. Let's see if I catch up.

-Does Simon even care anymore? His t-shirt looks like a laundry-day t-shirt.
-In high-def, Ryan looks like he's wearing lipstick today.
-Whoa, Megan looks pissed.

Michael Sarver:
-Why did his backdrop just look like red blood cells multiplying?
-I think Michael fits this genre perfectly. Ok, first agreement of the night with Paula. Let's see how many times that happens tonight.
-"If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need this show." SERIOUSLY. This is exactly why the whole Adam-Danny-Lil triptych annoys me.

Allison Iraheta:
-Wow, total Kelly Clarkson vibe.
-And thank God she didn't Ashlee-Simpson that dance.
-Paula just asked her to allow herself to be vulnerable. Jebus. That's twice.
-Randy Travis has awful tooth-to-gum ratio. You know what I mean.

Kris Allen:
-"Strip it down like that." Do! Please!
-Garth. Hmm. Imagine growing up with that name. "Garth!"
-Goose. Bumps.
-Those pants suck though, dude.
-Who knew that he had a good voice, Randy? I KNEW.
-"Tender Puppy." Oh, man, that's a keeper.

Lil Rounds:
-Oooh. She's doing a song that Carrie did in Season 4.
-"Great advice." Yeah, you know, Randy Travis is sort of successful. And you're not.
-Everything was technically perfect. But I was just not moved by that at all. It left me cold. OMG, I agree with Randy!
-Oh, yay, Kara made a disability joke... in a season with a blind singer.
-We're only on singer number 4, and Paula's sedatives are already saying hi to the "water" in her cup.
-Lil looks piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissed at Simon. Not used to bad criticism? Hmm... she saved it with that last spiel.

Adam Lambert:
-Adam has bad skin. I know, I shouldn't judge.
-Gross. The judges are gonna spooge over this. I can already tell. I hope Simon keeps it "real" and tears him a new one.
-Adam just "hit" one of those notes that Kara didn't know exists. Kara, there's a lot you don't know.
-Are Randy Travis's teeth dentures?
-I adore Simon.
-Oh, Ryan just made fun of Taylor Hicks. Declasse dude.

Scott McIntyre:
-Do you think that the producers are going to throw Scott under the bus so that he doesn't get to go on the tour? What? The producers would never manipulate the show. Never.
-Really audience? I didn't think Scott was that good.
-Paula! Three times! I agree! Lose the piano!
-"We can move it closer." Touche, dude.

Alexis Grace:
-You're wearing clothes! Lovely!
-She has a big head.
-Yeah, there's something that didn't work with this song.
-Shut UP, Kara, you want people to do the same thing every single f-ing week. Let people change it up. Listen to Paula. (Four times.)

Danny Gokey:
-Seriously, how many different colors does he have of those eyeglass frames?
-Remember when Danny said he wasn't going to do songs that other Idols have done because he doesn't want to show them up? Huh. Apparently he thinks he's better than Carrie. Heresy.
-Why do I feel like Danny is preaching? That's the difference between him and Kris and Michael. Those two are worship leaders, too, but they lead by example. It's not so in-your-face.
-Paula is falling out her dress. And no, Carrie, would not buy that record.

Anoop Desai:
-Ooh.. he gets the first split screen of the night. That's almost better than the pimp slot.
-It seemed just really really slow. But I like his voice. But I don't like the gap between his teeth. He still needs a decent haircut.
-Oh, Anoop is not surprised. Tongue-in-cheek conceit is fun.

Megan Corkrey:
-Has she ever not used the mike stand?
-Why does she overenunciate everything?
-She's sick? Oh man. Matt is totally going to catch the germs from the mike. Pimp slot backfires!

And my DVR has caught up.

Matt Giraud:
-I'm really scared of Randy Travis's teeth. Them thar ain't na-trul.
-Is Paula sniffing Simon's forearm?
-I like this rendition in theory. But it just seems like Matt is out of tune. Throughout. Just underneath the pitch. I wonder if it was better live.
-And Paula's already ready for the after-party.
-Simon, you know who keeps talking about Adam and Danny? YOU.
-Matt doesn't have good tooth-to-gum ratio either.

I thought Megan didn't make the dress rehearsal? The telephone numbers are rolled over their dress perfs. Conspiracy I tells you.

The Best: Kris. Anoop.
Close behind, but I think there will be just as many people who hated it: Adam. Megan. Matt.
Decent, but totally forgettable: Alexis. Lil. Michael. Danny. Allison.
Memorable, for the wrong reasons: Scott.
Most in need of a style revamp: Lil. How many different necklines can you put on the same dress?
Most in need of a good haircut: Tie between Anoop and Scott. And throw in Simon for looking like a slag.
Reminded me of a G.I.Joe figure: Danny. He might have skinnier legs than Ryan, too.
Times I agreed with Paula: Four.
Times I disagreed with Kara: A number so big Kara didn't even know it existed!
Bottom three: Michael, Scott, and... Allison. I thought Allison was better than Lil, but this is a situation where Lil's screen time is going to help her.
Going home: Michael. It should be Scott, but that audience reacted way, way more enthusiastically than I expected. And the piano joke was funny.