American Idol 8: The Top 9.

Another non-live live blog for you all tonight. It's 8:16pm. Start your engines!

• Whoa. Opening tableau, and we've got some HAIR going on with Scott and Allison. Kris looks like perfection.
• Simon's classing it up a bit with an actual sweater.
• Why does Ryan wear a tie-clip? He's not cooking anything.
• DAVID SPADE sighting! Talk about needing a new haircut. Harry Hamlin, too!
• Yup, Kris and Allison are seatbuddies in the car over to the AT40 taping. They are so brother-sister. You know, Ryan is actually a fairly good radio DJ. He sucks as an on-air personality.

1. Anoop Desai. I'm glad he tamed his hair. And Usher is a great choice for him. The sneer he has while singing the song is a little distracting though. OMG. I totally was typing what Paula is saying -- about good voice, but bad stage presence. I can't get over how on point Paula is this season. Ooh, Ryan is baiting him. You know that Anoop is going to name a chair Kara backstage and then kick it.

2. Megan Joy. Bob Marley? For reals? Oh wow, I can hear VFTW fainting with (Megan) joy. Why does it sound like she sings with a faux-Madonna-accent? Her left arm wants to dance, but her booty isn't having any of that. Uh oh, Kara's face just tells it all. Paula is totally calling her on her movement. I hate Simon's hair.

3. Evil Gokey. Ooh, Rascal Flatts. I think this could be great. Danny makes a good point. The judges go after song choice, but the contestants are so ham-tied by clearing rights. YIKES. He's out of tune! Watch the spittle, Evil. I didn't think it was that good. Ok, I know I'm not the biggest Danny fan, but I don't think it was nearly as good as the judges are saying it was.

4. Allison Iraheta. GUITAR! No Doubt! Oh, perfect song choice. Hey, Anoop, this is how to do a sneer. Yah, the 16-year old knows how to sneer, and you don't. I love you Allison, but you have GOT to stop wearing leggings. Um, Paula, when someone is "skating" by, that's not a good thing. Oh, I love how unaffected she is when she answers Ryan's questions.

5. Scott McIntyre. First it was pink pants. Now it's his hair. High-and-tight does NOT suit you dude.

6. Matt Giraud. Hmm, scruffy is good. Humble interview. That works well. Whisky Tango Foxtrot is he doing in the center of that audience? Is this 1983? Is he even enunciating? I feel like he's about to start drumming with one arm or walk through a charcoal sketch. Maybe even Jessica Hahn will start crawling on his car hood. He totally made a new song song dated. Oh, can Simon critique a guy without saying Evil's name? I know that his shirt says "massage" but his open jacket is cutting it off and making it say "ass age."

7. Lil Rounds. Celine. This song was done by Anthony Fedorov (one of my all-time faves) and Kelly Clarkson. Big shoes. I love her hair this week. I actually don't think that Lil works as a diva balladeer. I think she's better as a funky soulstress -- a la Mary J. Blige. I disagree with Kara, I don't think it was effortless. Lil has attitude, and she needs to sing that way. Oh jeez, Lil is crying. She's safe.

[Editor's note: Caught up. And they just announced Adam. KRIS HAS THE PIMP SPOT THIS WEEK!]

8. Adam Lambert. Wild Cherries. Oh, please don't shriek. I'm changing up No Doubt. DON'T SHRIEK. The Travolta pompadour and the bell-bottoms work. Hey Blind-Scott, this is how you do a throwback and not seem lame and stoopid. Why does he have to friggin' shriek the ending? Uh oh, this kind of energy can help the next singer, or it can kill it. Kara's right, Adam keeps you guessing... in a good way.

[SIDE NOTE: Why are the Osbournes still popular?]

9. Kris Allen. He's rocking that henley. He's playing the pi-a-nah! GOOSE BUMPS. That dynamic change was amazing. I kinda wish he didn't do that last note falsetto though. Yeah. He looks so good in that shirt.

The Best: Kris.
Almost in the Best category, but Kris was better: Adam.
Take 'em or leave 'em: Lil, Danny, Allison, Anoop.
Terrible, just terrible: Megan, Matt, Scott.
Best hair: Lil, Kris, Adam.
Worst hair: Scott, Allison.
Weirdest Madonna moment: Megan.
Bottom three: Matt, Megan, Anoop.
Bottom two: Matt, Megan.
Going home: Megan.