1. Matt Giraud: B. He always appears bitter. Maybe it's the poor tooth-to-gum ratio (see picture below). A solid take on a cliched song. I don't think his falsetto is nearly as good as he or the judges think it is.
2. Kris Allen: A. Screw it. I'm sick of trying to be all objective. I think he's an awesome singer, with a limber voice. The Jason Mraz comparisons are apt, and that's a good thing.
3. Scott McIntyre: D. Really? You put paisley and pink pants on the blind guy? There's a special place for you in hell, AI Wardrobe People. Also, I know he's blind, but does he have to hold his fingers up like he's, um, special, too?
4. Megan Joy-Does-she-have-a-last-name-or-not-make-up-your-damn-mind: D. Wow. You had Randy singing "vibrato" to show you "how" it's done. And Carmen Miranda called. She has your bananas.
5. Anoooooooooooooop: C+. It may be a beautiful song, but your left eye fell asleep during it. How do you think I held up? (This critique may be influenced by the current state of the Sweet Sixteen).
6. Michael Sarver: B-. He wants to "church it up." MAN. I love the phrases that are coming out of Idol this year!
7. Lil Rounds: C. I was really uncomfortable with the way that Simon kept saying that he expected Lil to have a Moment (a la Fantasia's Summertime or Katherine McPhee's Over the Rainbow). I'll be even more uncomfortable if she's booted for being bad. And I was downright confused that they thought that her J.Lo hair was pretty.
8. Adam Lambert: A. Okay, Mr. Ken Doll. You win this round. Of the three Evil Trinity Pimpettes, you have the best chance of being someone I'll root for. And how unintentionally hilarious is it that Randy praised him for being able to "straighten it up." WOW. I hate to admit it, but you are indeed surprising -- in a good way.
9. Evil Gokey: B. "He's been in the industry way longer than I have." - Danny Gokey referring to Smokey Robinson when deciding whether he should heed Smokey's advice. Douche. Bag.
10. Allison Iraheta: A. That was pretty ridick. Go on with your bad self. But never wear leggings again.
The Best: Adam, Allison, Kris (how awesome of a top 3 would that be?)
I just don't see what the big deal is: Matt, Lil
Stop pointing at me and calling it "dancing" or "inspiration": Gokey
Flats? With that dress? Really?: Megan
That dress? Really?: Paula
The Worst: Megan, Scott, Michael
Should Go Home: Michael
Will Go Home: Megan
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